Probably just self-pity

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry that you can relate, and thank you @Sues

And it is ok to ask for help. Perfectly and totally ok. People like to help. It makes them feel useful and needed. Nothing to feel bad about at all. We're social animals, we need that interaction and support.

Hate hate hate asking for help. Did get help getting the bags of litter to my car. Didn't have to actually ask. A coworker offered. They are still sitting in my car. Asking for help to get them into my house... I can ask my landlord/friends but I feel like I've asked for way too much from them. Or needed too much. Bah, hate being needy

Think of it as good practice

Not sure if it qualifies as a pity party but I gave up on getting things done yesterday. I mean, I did do the essentials. Stopped by the doctor's office and got my fmla paperwork, took hypermutt to the vet/work, and went to the pet store while he was there. But other than that, didn't do much. Mind shutdown and I let it.
Thoughts, not truths.

oh. yes. needed this reminder

Starting physiologically if emotional needs are too hard. What are the things that have helped you in the past?

Physiologically... I just feel like I need a lot of rest lately and that's hard for me to accept. Brain screams lazy. (Remember self, "thoughts, not truths"). And accepting the pain is worse and making sure I'm not pushing my back too much. And not slipping more on the eating. Have a bit.

I don't know what to do about Thanksgiving. I don't want a pity invite. At the same time, spending it alone might be bad. On the other hand, as it stands right now. Not sure how I could last at someone's place anyway. Can't sit that long. Can't stand that long. Ok, mind is telling me saying that makes me a whiner. Again reminding myself thoughts aren't truths.
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
Not sure if it qualifies as a pity party but I gave up on getting things done yesterday. I mean, I did do the essentials. Stopped by the doctor's office and got my fmla paperwork, took hypermutt to the vet/work, and went to the pet store while he was there. But other than that, didn't do much. Mind shutdown and I let it.
sort of
A true not healthy pity party? Would be you doing none of the above, being pissed off that others didn't do it for you, and blah blah blahing about poor little me, no one loves me, I'm gonna go eat worms. (hopefully that translates -- it's an American thing LOL)

A healthy pity party? would be maybe getting everything done, maybe not, and then deciding that no, I don't need to be productive today because I feel like crap, so I'm going to go home, get under the covers with some hot chocolate , turn on the tv to some trashy junk show and maybe take a couple hours to grieve the pain that has led me to a day like this.

Biggggg difference.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
maybe take a couple hours to grieve the pain that has led me to a day like this.

My initial reaction to this is "no, no and no". heh. Maybe, to me, grieving means giving in. Giving in to what I'm not sure at the moment.

///

Probably not the best time to post. I can't really think
I feel like if I'm replying I should make sure I'm constructive in my replies. Not sure if that's just another way to beat myself up
I might be angry right now, no idea why
Or maybe I'm flat out triggered I don't know
ok, definitely triggered
have the familiar I want to rip my skin off

I'm not really doing anything useful with this post. And it's taken me an hour to write it. Because I've mostly deleted everything I've written.
And all I can really take from it is I'm triggered. That's my take away. Not angry, triggered. I'm not sure knowing that really helps
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
I keep hating everything I write. But I still keep writing. It makes no sense
Right now, throwing a pity party sounds tempting. Except I think I'd drown in the emotion.
I'm tired. I want to quit
I've felt tired and wanted to quit since I was about 6. I never do, so I guess the want is meaningless.
Or this post is meaningless
Or I am meaningless.
Cripes, get a grip Muttly.
I learned at 6 how to fake it. Smile. Give people what they want. Be strong. Be positive.
If I learned that at 6, I should be able to do that now.
I hate being this needy
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
What you're writing is fine. What you're trying to sort out is confusing and hard to sort out. It's not only ok to be confused, it's probably "normal".

You're in pain. That's a real thing and it matters to your body whether you decide to pay attention to it or not. That real pain has upended your life at the moment. Not something you chose or went looking for, just a fact. I believe "normal people" find that kind of thing to be upsetting. Needing some sort of help is distressing too, for all kinds of reasons. And it sounds like all of this very much feeds into stuff that needs sorting out from childhood too. So, you're trying to deal with a lot all at once at a difficult time of year.

I think feeling tired and wanting to quit are totally acceptable things to feel. I don't think anyone here actually wants you to "quit" though. You're a valued member of the community. But FEELING that way from time to time? I think most people here can relate to that. I know I can.

For the moment, maybe pretend you're someone else (that you LIKE) and take care of yourself like you'd take care of them.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Made a post in diary saying I was going to quit posting but here I am. ugh. Flat out suicidal. reached out to a crisis chat line. It was taking her more than 5 minutes to respond to anything I said. really hard to deal with. and she wasn't super helpful. I did break down and cry though. don't cry often or easily. I probably needed to do that.

I know I can't kill myself, the pets need me

I wish I could though. I know that's selfish.
And probably stupidly dramatic
But it's true. I wish I could kill myself... ok, slight reframe. *righte now* I wish I could kill myself

what if this is the place where I truly break? it would be stupid after all the work I've done but I just.... *right now* I don't see a way out of this

For the moment, maybe pretend you're someone else (that you LIKE) and take care of yourself like you'd take care of them.

oof. this made me cry again. Hard to think what I'd do. I'd be a shoulder to cry on. I'd offer help.
crying again
sorry
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Sitting next to you @Muttly .

Those crisis lines can be frustrating at times. Do you want to try again or another one?

Posting here is good.
Communicating is good.
Crying is good. It is feeling and expressing , which is important right now.

Email T? That's what you advised me, and whilst everything inside me screeched 'don't disturb T', she helped loads and I was glad I did.

Keep reaching out. T will want to know. We want to know.
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe, to me, grieving means giving in. Giving in to what I'm not sure at the moment.
yep
Totally get this. If I let those grief emotions in it will somehow give in to the fact that what happened was all my fault.
I logically know these two things don't match but.....
Still struggle
I feel like if I'm replying I should make sure I'm constructive in my replies
Nope
Look around hun -- there are lots of people who aren't in a place to be constructive in there responses. Your's truly is right there with ya ☺️ And y'know what? It's ok
This is YOUR healing place. Those of us along on your journey are just that... fellow travelers on your journey. If you answer a comment on something I said and all you are doing is babbling nonsense? I think to myself - wow.... they are having a tough day. No judgement (because I do the same thing some times!)
. Not sure if that's just another way to beat myself up
yep.
But kudos for recognizing it! 🦄
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Back to suicidal thoughts this morning. Not as strong as Saturday. So some questions

How do I know, if I'm not trying to heal? If I'm just letting myself stay stuck?
How do I know the difference between whining and ... what would call it? Self-expression?
What's the difference between having needs and being needy?
What's the line between having problems and being a problem?
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
In answer to the first question, if you weren't trying to heal you wouldn't be posting looking for help.

Whining means having a problem for every solution. You are noticing when things make sense to you and trying to correct your thinking.

Everyone has needs. Sometimes needs increase when we're injured or sick. That's normal. Expecting everyone to figure out your needs and fulfill them for you is needy.

As for the last, I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking, my articulation has left me. You are an independent person finding you need help. It's hard to accept.
 
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