How many times have you been asked " what does a feeling look like? what shape is it? what colour is it?". These questions have had me stumped for many years, now I think I have found a way others may be able to relate to, something physical that they can usually picture in their own minds.
I liken inside my head to that of a hoarder. A hoarder will collect items and take them home. They like the item or think it will come in useful in the future, the items condition is too good to be thrown out. Over years they collect more and more items, until they fill their home from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. Now nothing in this home is functional, nothing can be found due to all the chaos, everything is mixed up with no place to fit. Every time you try to move something it causes a landslide, walls come tumbling down. The house itself falls into disrepair. You can't have friends or family round to visit anymore, every new item added gives feelings of guilt and shame.
I don't hoard items, I hoard memories, thoughts, images, moving pictures, smells, sounds. One by one each abuse, each loss, each trauma, each perceived threat is added not missing out a single detail. To start with I manage to keep some sort of order to all these thoughts etc, storing them away, hiding them in a cupboards, putting them anywhere, where I can't see them, hidden away from the world. With each trauma comes more stuff to sort and put away, space is getting tighter and tighter. Eventually there is no room left, each trauma and perceived threat is now being stacked one on top of the other. And the stack keeps on growing and growing until my head is full.
Then up pops a reminder from the outside world, my head knows it has that related trauma there somewhere!!! YAYYY found it, lets bring it to be with this reminder, in doing so the rest of the stack comes cascading down, all jumbled up. One stack cascades and then sets off my head full all tumbling at the same time. I now have no way of controlling this tornado of thoughts and emotions, they just keep tumbling down no matter how hard I try to control the falling. This sends my whole body into disrepair, anxiety, panic,fear, pain, sweat, rapid heart and a multitude of other things breaking down now. Can't think, can't free myself, suffocating pressure on my chest. Ashamed I hide away from family and friends, not wanting them to add to my pile!!!
Im sorry if this isn't written well.
I would be interested if anyone else has a way of describing inside there head into a physical sense that others can relate too.
I liken inside my head to that of a hoarder. A hoarder will collect items and take them home. They like the item or think it will come in useful in the future, the items condition is too good to be thrown out. Over years they collect more and more items, until they fill their home from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. Now nothing in this home is functional, nothing can be found due to all the chaos, everything is mixed up with no place to fit. Every time you try to move something it causes a landslide, walls come tumbling down. The house itself falls into disrepair. You can't have friends or family round to visit anymore, every new item added gives feelings of guilt and shame.
I don't hoard items, I hoard memories, thoughts, images, moving pictures, smells, sounds. One by one each abuse, each loss, each trauma, each perceived threat is added not missing out a single detail. To start with I manage to keep some sort of order to all these thoughts etc, storing them away, hiding them in a cupboards, putting them anywhere, where I can't see them, hidden away from the world. With each trauma comes more stuff to sort and put away, space is getting tighter and tighter. Eventually there is no room left, each trauma and perceived threat is now being stacked one on top of the other. And the stack keeps on growing and growing until my head is full.
Then up pops a reminder from the outside world, my head knows it has that related trauma there somewhere!!! YAYYY found it, lets bring it to be with this reminder, in doing so the rest of the stack comes cascading down, all jumbled up. One stack cascades and then sets off my head full all tumbling at the same time. I now have no way of controlling this tornado of thoughts and emotions, they just keep tumbling down no matter how hard I try to control the falling. This sends my whole body into disrepair, anxiety, panic,fear, pain, sweat, rapid heart and a multitude of other things breaking down now. Can't think, can't free myself, suffocating pressure on my chest. Ashamed I hide away from family and friends, not wanting them to add to my pile!!!
Im sorry if this isn't written well.
I would be interested if anyone else has a way of describing inside there head into a physical sense that others can relate too.
