GR I hope everything turns out ok on the pup! Crossing fingers for you.
My remainder of the day is a lot better, which is off. Normally more stressed as day goes on. But got a good pep talk. Hubs is on board for a hell of a ride with me, glad he is back in my corner after some bumps. Told them it is a one way trip and no turning back. So going to continue triggers and start pulling the zoloft that is messing me up, took first cut tonight. Hmmm, withdrawals and triggers may not sound great but I am ready to kick this in the ass, I am fed up! Hubs got permission ahead of time to sit on me if I lose it LOL. Kinda went a wee bit nuts last time I took myself off zoloft and trashed my home. I am guessing 6 years ago? We were still just friends back then so he did not get the fun of seeing much of it, and thankfully kids were at grams. My buddy on the other hand was stuck babysitting, and running kids, and may do some more this round too. Glad his wife likes me! She is probably just happy she gets a break and isn't dealing with him LOL. I am full of confidence right now I can do this. I may feel like beaten dog poo in a few days or this weekend but I know it is coming and feel prepared to do this and expect it, I have seen how bad I can get in the last year and a half not being treated correctly. I can't think of it being worse than my last breakdown then I am trying to still recover from. And I really feel like I have seen the devil in the face before. I am determined not to be beated again. I will learn my limits, but those have to go beyond the front door at least.
Hubs pointed out after as many years of this and drinking, meds, herbs (yes I tried for a while, not a fan, does anyone realize how nasty kava kava is?), hospitals... You finally have to say F* it and take the bull by the horns. There is just no coaxing this down. So I am taking the gloves off. So if I seem out of sorts for a while don't worry. I just know I have tried every way there is and now it is fighting time. Shit, what do I have to lose? My sanity, health, money??? Tired of this sucking the life out of me, and have tried everything else. Guess I could stock up on some chamolile and spearmint teas. Those are soothing and mild herbs that helped calm me before and no bad effects when I was on ativan. Have to check it out. I used to combine the two, and it was pleasant tasting! Not nasty pepper like the other. Feel like Rocky in the final round and this is all or nothing and no looking back and no crawfishin'.
Now off to go hide the duck call my passive aggressive hubs bought the baby tonight; he said it was that or the grunting buck call. I feel like I am on the bad end of a red-neck joke. How to you go to the store and find that crap buying pizza and meds??? Well, they do sell deer stands and wildlife corn in front of the grocery store...
