How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[nov_silence]

I thought that I was going to leave my mother's house this morning bc I feel like killing to a certain degree... stayed and have slep most of the day.

I stil hate and love her.

 

[GR-ass]

Anthony, truthfully I don't know. I just want to hole up in my cave and ignore the world.
Anxiety wise, while I have been still having a lot of panic attacks here at mums, they are no where near as bad as the ones I was having when I was alone. My brother leaves me pretty much alone, doesn't come near me, doesn't talk to me and most importantly doesn't touch me.

I will eventually leave mums, but at the moment, at the moment the stress levels are manageable.

The other day when I posted I was only just starting to deal with my grandad dying. The emotional pain that I let myself feel was enough added stress to make me loose it.
I needed to feel it, I needed to grieve. I just didn't have to like it.

 

[anthony]

Cass, yep... then I think your in the right place for now. If your anxiety is less where you are, then that is the place for you to be right now. You first cass... get yourself better some, then worry about moving and taking on life again.

 

[GR-ass]

squints.

Glad that some one agrees. I still have days where I think why the hell did I come back, but heh, it's only the occasional day.

closes eyes in a looong blink. Think it's time for cass to go sleep.

Night all.

 

[Marlene]

It was a beautiful, warm day so my hubby, my youngest and myself went to the park and walked on the boardwalk by the river. Tons of birds and squirrels out today. It was just nice to walk with my honey and my baby. :wink:

 

[cookie]

had a pretty good day, should have cleaned house, but i did get the laundry done, and i called in a pizza, and picked it up by myself! took it to my hubby at the side job he was doing. the people at the pizza place prob. thought i was going to rob them or something, i was shaking so hard, but i did it anyway.

 

[anthony]

Good stuff Cathy... push yourself beyond your comfort levels is what you need. It will help you to improve your self esteem and confidence within to achieve and participate in life again, with the knowledge that not everyone is a bad person.

We all just went to the coffee shop, had some food, coffee and chat, then to the shops for some more food for the cupboard, and here I am.... Oh, put bub down to sleep before getting online.

 

[GR-ass]

eh, today was kinda sucky. Got to the doc, found out I'm anaemic (well that's one explanation for the lack of energy):rolleyes:

Also had to deal with mums shit. She has been on my back about getting a job. I'm scared shitless of talking to people let alone having to work and deal with panic attacks.

Doesn't help I'm so self concious about the scars on my arm. I just feel like going :up-yours: and telling her to leave me the f alone.
I'm getting so close to exploding, my anger is seething. I need an outlet before I say or do something I'm going to regret.

ARRRrrrrrrrrghs :stupid:

I forgot to get another script while I was out for my :pills: Grrrrrs. Not that doc wants to give me any more downers, but they at least calm me a little, enough to sleep on a bad night.

 

[piglet]

Really p'd off because I forgot about the chat last night. Had a visit from parents and got a little side-tracked. Hope everyone is okay and I will alarm everything so I don't miss the next chat session.

Piglet

 

[cookie]

it was an ok day, but i had a lady come to me after church, wanting to talk about her problems with her husband.(he abuses her, emotionally) i listened for an hour, gave her a hug and a card for a counselor (hopefully the both of them) and sent her off, she felt better, i'm glad, but i was shaking so hard i could barely walk. i think it was because the things she told me sounded so much like my daddy. i finally calmed down this evening, just hope i didn't say anything to make things worse for her.
cathy

 

[anthony]

What chat... did I miss something? The next one is Dec.... that I know off.

 

[GR-ass]

Today was bad ptsd wise.

Had bad panic attack as I woke up, was triggered by bro dearest opening my door. I took hours to calm enough to leave the house.

Then realised that my BIL has my house keys so was locked out till this avo late. Been paranoid all day, spent most of it convinced that I was being followed. So i really wasn't, i was just on edge.

Top it all off, I'm fighting so hard not to cut. Seems the higher my anxiety level, the more intense my need to cut.
Go figure.