I am so tired of trying to get them to understand my PTSD. I am so sick to death of having it ignored, as if if they can't see it, if they don't admit it's there it isn't.
ooohhh...cass this here rings with me. Sensitive to this one bc I think I remember exactly the frustration of trying to get family to understand, not my PTSD bc I didn't know I had it at the time, just my very ill and frightening condition and tried to get them to understand that I just could not handle what was being thrown in my direction. In my past, with my family, I tried to get them to care, be willing to learn, consider a different possibility than their complete denial that if they didn't admit it it wasn't real. Drove me absol. nuts. Made myself terribly sick vomiting, panicking, redoubling my efforts and always it was like bashing my own head up against the wall. I couldn't figure out for the life of me how family couldn't see and care about what's real. The only relief I've ever gotten from this is having had finally beaten myself, into a sense of reasonableness, I had to give up trying to create vision, where in MY families case their is only a welcoming blindness. My mother and sisters and such, appar. have chosen to remain blind. And I was making myself ill trying to do the impossible.
cass, sorry if this is less than useful, I was triggered when I ever read: your mums saying, I don't know what your problem is, and I can't always pretend I'm peachy, and nearly everything else.
hang in there cass, and please do your best to be good to yourself. You know what's what, and I'm trusting you'll get through it all, and your trials will all become not so hot memories, bad memories, good memories bc you got through it all....but whatever some kind of memory of your past. As wanna' see you heal and move forward. You deserve peace cass!
