I am hoping so... I was up until about only 2 and the panic started up again and could not knock it out. So pissed to take meds. I hate when I have to. Finally fell asleep after 3.
But I slept off and on through the night/morning, bad dreams about evil ex, just yelling at me though. So not sound but I lasted in bed until about 9:30 so that was new...
Hubs had gone to lay down with pissed off toddler at 3 AM. I said no more kids in my bed, period. She has a twin now and we tossed the King size for the full so no room for little one. Defeats the purpose if you go sleep with her in that bed... She is 3 now, time to sleep alone.
Go in at almost 10 to wake him and I did not feel bad for a change upon waking, normally I am all jitters. Well, that quickly changed when I asked him to go in town (not ours, no fast food here) and get the kids for breakfast...It is late. Well, decent mood lasted from my room to the little one's when he rips into me how little sleep he got (ya think? On a twin size bed with a 3 year old? What a shocker) Acts like I asked him to move Heaven and Earth to feed them. Well, shit no milk here or eggs... Can't find the hinge for the fridge door! Well, hell it wasn't like I had the most peaceful night either...
Then Ham comes up from son... I asked where are you getting ham? He said the grandparents, OK non-issue and it was just dropped there, I asked a question, son answered. But hubs pipes in well we don't have to go. WTF? We already discussed they were going I was not but now it gets turned if I am not I am stopping them? I am already pissed off said excuse the fk out of me if I cannot be your puppet on a string. I am in a pissy mood all the way around.
Shit I am doing all I can to bathe daily here and keep it up, use make-up, and walk my dogs after dark. I am actually getting out of my house which is never done.
I know I am a wreck as one dog is sleeping with me and even if hubs is in the bed and if not she is laying on the floor next to me. When I get jacked my dog gets it. Seems only "person" who does is the dog.
And hell, after his attitude I would have been more than happy to go do it myself if I would not get lost! But since I have no clue where the f* I am... He calls with I love you no one open in this town going to next in a half pleasant voice. Shit how do you go from dick to that so quick???
I want to just go hide back in bed so not to bother the big hairy pain in the ass... And hon if you start reading this yes, I am talking about you!
I just don't get it, were the switches that jack me up expected to just shut off when I got here? Shit still needs to be done and I refuse to doll up and go fake it just to make myself worse than I am now.
The move was to remove triggers that are everywhere, but I am needing to destress. I did not get shit (thankfully) for not going to the nativity yesterday as I was in bad shape, but as far as I am concerned at this point he can shove this day up his backside and leave me alone.
Fk, make up your mind be an asshole or mr.understanding... Taking a damn pill and going back to bed. Rather sleep this day away already!
