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How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

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I am just amazed at my little one's perception this morning. She told her daddy you need to take mommy to the doctor looking at me funny... Geesh do I look that jacked up?
 
Well, I did learn something new today. This is my first year at trying to raise turkeys. They are the kindest of my barnyard fowl and love them so much. Well, I keep my hens locked up in a hen house with a run that they have turned to dirt and to keep them away from the affectionate roosters who range with the turkeys and have not gone to the freezer yet. I let them out last night to get some grass, bugs, and exercise. I forgot to lock them back up after they went to roost. So they were out and about this AM.

I did not know a giant tom turkey would try to mate with a hen, They are hip high to me. Future reference... they will try. They killed one of my hens in the process and one is severly injured in chickie ICU and we have lots of missing feathers. I am annoyed with myself but did not see that one coming. My question is why haven't I seen them doing it to the turkey hens?????? Poor hubby can't catch the turkeys and there are way too many hens to try to catch, I can catch the turkeys as they come to me but I am hurting all over so bad I can barely get around much less try to wrestle with one. Damn horny SOBs... and I only have 2 toms! They are trying to take out about 50 hens.

Everything is frisky in the barnyard and it is October... What on Earth is wrong with them? I even have a duck sitting on a nest. The kids are still picking wild flowers and the dragonflies, bees, grass hoppers, wasp, and butterflies are still doing their thing out side. I was sitting around with little one with us hanging out it our underwear, in front of a fan eating ice cream, again in October. I guess further proof I am really a Texan... So are the critters. Hubby said it was further proof I am nuts, as he sat sweating drinking hot coffee?

Just wanted to talk about something other than how much like shit I feel today! And watch your turkeys, they are bad bad birds that trick you into thinking they are cute and sweet ha ha ha. No, I have not had much sleep...
 
Bad day in our area

Bad day here in our area. Woke to news that a gunman took over an Amish one-room schoolhouse yesterday - about 8 miles from where we live, kicked the adults and boys out, barricaded himself in using 2x4s and 2x6s nailed across the door, used plastic zip ties to "shackle" the girls (ages 6 - 13). He then lined them up in front of the chalkboard and, as the police were trying to storm the school, he shot each one of them point blank in the back of the head. 5 dead, 5 or 6 more seriously or critically injured, all little girls who did nothing to deserve this. The worst part of all is that there was absolutely no motive whatsoever that can be found. He did say something to his wife (just prior to the killings) about having molested a couple of relatives - cousins I think - 20 years ago (he would've been 12) and how he's had dreams ever since of doing it again. In the suicide notes he left to his wife he mentions the anger he's had at God for the death of his first born - a little girl born prematurely who lived 20 minutes. And he was such a coward - after he shot all of the girls, he then turned the gun on himself.

For those of you who may not know, the Amish are peaceful people who shun conflict. They believe everything that happens is "God's will." And so it is this time; these girls were killed because it is "God's will."

It sucks so much. The area we live in is so quiet and serene, beautiful really. The kind of area that one would feel safe in; I know I did and for me that's saying a lot.

Don't get me wrong. I still wake at every little sound at night, convinced that someone is trying to break in. I still jump - and then freeze - at the sound of the doorbell, so much so that I literally can't answer it.

And now this. If it can happen in a one-room Amish schoolhouse, it can happen anywhere.

Combine that with the other 2 shootings/killings that happened at schools in the past week and my world just got more deadly.

As I said earlier, it just sucks. Why must humans do this to each other? I know it's easy to ask why, but hard to get the answers. I suppose that's a question to which I won't get the answers until the afterlife...
 
I hste not feeling like my flat is safe anymore. All that changed was my flatty telling me that she can't deal, but now I'm in a state of continual panic, not even meditation is calming me.

I did tell mum about my imminent homelessness and while she has offered her place to stay for a bit I don't know how well I'll cope with bro dearest there.

Still I can either have panic attacks and be stressed where I am, 0or have panic attacks and be stressed at mums :drugs:

Heres hoping I can survive the next couple of weeks.
 
Hey Gr'ass. I get very freaked out at the thought of being homeless. In fact it's a wicked trigger for me. Keep breathing and work through your options (as in looking for places to stay, new flat, temporary stay at freinds etc..) I know this is hard (just went through it myself.) but try to focus! Keep us informed eh?

Kimg: I seen that. It's all over the news. oh heck, I don't even know what to say. Keep safe.


Bec
 
I just pulled the biggest brain fart ever. I was freaking out because I couldn't access a test that I have to take. Guess what? I'm a full day ahead of myself! LOL, at least I'm ahead in something!!

Bec
 
anthony, no need for thanks, the kicks are given when needed, LOL
And I know you'd do the same for me,
Good to hear you are taking a "break" before "you break"

boo, that conversation was great, lol
I always have a conversation (or two) going on in my head 24/7 too,
Your positive outlook is amazing, I need to start telling "my voices" some of those things, hehe
Gonna test out your breathing technique, see if it helps me too :)

veiled, wow sounds like you've got your hands full with those turkeys!
What a way for a hen to go, I don't even know what I would think if I discovered that!
Good luck with the wrangling... lol

kimG, I have no idea what would cause someone to harm another human being.
Some people are just sick, and twisted.
It frustrates me when tragic events are just passed off as "gods will", because it downplays the event to the survivors.
I know the world seems scary, but you can't let yourself dwell on it.
The "what-if's" just stress us out and sap our much needed energy.

GR'ass, take the second choice, panic attacks at moms.
Either way you've accepted that panic attacks are a definate possibility.
Maybe moving back to mom's will help lift some of the pressure daily life puts on us.

becvan, brain farts are funny, lol
just thinking of the word makes me smile


And finally... my day.
long... not too much sleep... so if some of my replies did'nt make complete sense, sorry but I tried.

Landlord stopped by today, (scheduled appointment)
so I had spent the previous day/night/this morning frantically cleaning.
We have 2 roomates that moved in yesterday, so I had to clean out the 2 spare rooms for them too.

Oh well, appointment with landlord was short and quick, so I managed to run to the local coin laundry and wash boyfriends work coveralls for him (if I can smell the stink... I know they're rotten)

Oh yeah, I found the missing remote for my PVR, so I was hooked up with my recorded shows tonight. So happy about that.

Ummm... forgot to take meds till it was over 9 hours overdue.
I started wondering why I was feeling so anxious when I remembered.
Anyone else have problems remembering to take meds?

Well, I'm heading to bed, tired and my eyes hurt.
Good day overall though :)
TTYL

Y&A
 
Thanks Y&A for mentioning the meds. I'm the one who has to remind hubby about his. We now have a whiteboard up with the days of the week for appt times etc & we put a tick on the board to tell us that hubby has had his pills for the day. Good in theory, just as long as I remember to put the tick on the board ( I tend to suffer from goldfish memory sometimes! LOL)
 
I have one of those pill boxes for the week that is in a circle shape. When I was really forgetful, I would put the ring over my toothbrush. So that reminded me to take them when I brushed my teeth. Nothing like slimy teeth to remind me to take my drugs!

Good day so far, but it's only been started for about a half hour.
 
I tried that breathing method last knight and it worked. I used to try the yoga type ( you know the deep breathing and feeling every breath all the way in and out while thinking of that peacfull place) it made me more anxious trying to follow all those instuctions, but that simplified method works way better.
 
Having a Shitty week. Mood swings on a dime. Feeling very depressed and had thought of suicide. I know that is not the answer and had talked to my therapist yesterday and have Dialectical behavioral therapy today and then my psychiatrist tomorrow. I am making all of them aware of my state of mind. Do not want to be hospitalized again but maybe necessary to keep me safe. Wife is on edge of giving up. She has read some post and understands to a point what I am going through. My therapist thinks I maybe passive agressive personality and also possibly bipolar. They are still trying to figure me out. I feel even more lost because I was feeling better knowing that I had PTSD but know they are thinking I have more issue along with PTSD.
 
pitt bull

what do you think about writing down what feel in the poem section maybe it will give you some kind of release becuse then you won't have to hang on to so many thouhts in your head the 'll just be there right in front of you.Almost talking back to you.:wink:
 
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