How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[YoungAndAngry]

well, before for a moment after the packing was taken out of my nose I was able to get some air flow through the left nostril!!!!
That might not sound like much... but I haven't experienced that in almost 2 years!

Hopefully (again fingers and toes are crossed) when all the swelling and stiches are gone I'll be able to breath through my nose!!

As far as the surgery went.... well, it was horrifying...
I was informed literally 3 min before I went into surgery that they were not going to put me to sleep, just calm me with sedatives and freeze my face.
As you could imagine... I freaked out when I heard that!
The poor anesthesiologist, was trying to explain that it would easier on me, like when you go to the dentist, no recovering from general anesthesia.
Of course being me... this wasn't good enough, lol.
I argued stating "I have PTSD, among other anxiety issues, I will walk out in this little revealing surgical gown and go home if you don't put me out. There is no way in hell that any doctor is performing nasal surgery on me while I'm awake!"
The surgeon tried to reassure me, he told me he would fix the inside of my face, and eventually he (or someone) can begin to work on the outside of it.
Anyways, somebody must have a kind heart, because the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. (lol, they probally just wanted to shut me up)

So I'm all groggy and whatever, while the nurse is giving my mom and boyfriend intructions on how to care for me.
And she gives them a script for Tylonel3... the problem is... after the first surgery I developed a nasty little addiction to T3's, which lasted almost 6 months... :(
So after explaining why, I asked for different script, and guess what the doc does? He rips up my T3 script and tells me to take over the counter tylonel for the "discomfort"!! WTF!!!
(we found out later from the surgeons clinic that he supposedly cannot write scripts for anything higher than T3's.... hmmmm? weird)

So that first day... I didn't have painkillers... OMG, needless to say I ended up at the hospital emergency room early the next morning in tears.
Guess what they priscribed me? 50 tablets of Tylonel3.... like, seriously I'm being very open and honest with them about why I don't like to take them... grrrrr.
I'm proud to say that I still have that script on my kitchen table, never broke down and filled it :)

Phewww.... I'm exhausted from just typing this all, lol
Anyways, that's my update

Take care everyone,
Y&A

 

[Deleted member 93]

Y&A What an adventure, everyone is getting a lot done right now. I am so thrilled for your breath of air. That had to just be awesome! Finger crossed that you get that swelling down soon and you report back to us that you can breathe! Oh I just cannot wait for that news. And wonderful job on the scripts! And what idiot docs!!!! You are doing great it sounds like, hate to hear about the pain, I hope it eases soon for you. And talk about scary, I would have been horrified being told I had to be awake too. Who wouldn't. Glad you put your foot down instead of letting them make it any worse trying to make you stay awake. You did and are doing absolutely great! You take it easy on yourself.

 

[cookie]

glad to hear from you, ya. so glad you are doing so well, take care.
cathy

 

[kers]

Glad it went okay, YA.

My day was the epitome of suck. I had lots of people coming in and out of my room (I'm a teacher), which set my teeth on edge because I'm a bit hair-triggered this week. They would look around, decide they didn't need to provide aide to the students, and leave again (opening and shutting the door again). I felt totally overstimulated. There was a crisis with one student who is being bullied in a way that is eerily similar to stuff I went through growing up that caused the PTSD, so that was underlying everything. And then one of my aides argued with me in front of the kids about what I was requiring of a student. It just felt like everything was too much, too fast.

I was beating myself up quite a bit when i got home. But I don't think I was grumpy or rude with any of my students. In fact, I was probably grumpy with just two of my aides. So the fallout isn't as bad as I'd feared.

 

[anthony]

That is great news YA... really exceptional and great to hear. I am so behind you, all fingers and toes crossed, that everything goes well for you, and that these surgeries can heal you physical pain and effects, to allow you more scope with the mental side effects of your trauma. Really great news, thank you for shareing that with us.

 

[becvan]

My anxiety is starting to peak again.. I'm trying hard not to worry about bills but.. i have no idea how thehell i am going to pay rent in just a few weeks.. i don't get paid when on medical leave and i'm not even sure if i have a job.. freak... my idea for worked pretty much just bombed out.. sighs.. i don't know.. i don't need to be worrying about this right now but where are my options??? anyone want an adult, two kids and a dog?

bec

I just wanted to add, that worrying about his really pisses me off. Being on the streets is a constant fear.. it triggers major anxiety for me.. and here i am again.. i just start to get even keeled on this and wham! Somedays I wish I had no morals and married a rich guy just for his money.. I'm sick of this.

 

[GR-ass]

Walks in and hugs everyone tight.

Has a real bad day today. Was with Luke, but even he didn't calm me. Think i was suffering the affects of not eating and not sleeping. Was very mood swingy and just very agroish.

He took it all in stride, let me rant at him and cry at him. He just held me and when I was going on ranting about being a psycho bitch he shushed me and said that I wasn't a psycho, that I was complicated and wouldn't be the me I was if I wasn't.

SO of course that made me cry. Although, he did get me to eat :blush:
I do give him credit for it. May only have been vegemite toast but he got me to keep food down.

You'de think that with the amount I don't eat that I would be as skinny as a broom handle :rolls eyes:

Anyways guys and gals,
I'm alright, head is as together as it gets. Just hope tomorrow will be good. Or at least a lot better.
Wish I could put my finger on what exactly set me off today. Besides no sleep and not eating.

 

[goingonhope]

...the direction of taking your life back and being realistic about what is happening too you and within your life. These are positive steps to get angery with ourselves, to get the shit out of us, to take control and kick our own minds arse, get back what our trauma took away from us; our mind!

Fairly good day today. Agitated only somewhat with reality as it is, but feeling competent to manage and cope this day. Purchased 2 books yest. and I'm eager to read them, ("The PTSD Workbook" & "Trauma Through A Child's Eyes"), even though neither make for comfortable reading for me. Have begun reading, but only in small bits as ea. sent., or parag., or sect. is so powerful in hitting home, crashing through much of my denial, that it actually hurts to read on. So much to digest and process, OMG. Provoking many feelings, includ. angry with myself and do feel exactly like I'm willing to "kick my own mind's arse," just as Anthony put it. And, I have noticed that my anger does motivate me, often in positive directions at times, so I will follow through, despite any uncomfortability.

Just before watching some of Apocalypse Now Redux last night with husb. I read some of my new books and as I did I was having this incredibly good thought that I was recovering a parts of me that had once faded and vanished: (pers. interest, feelings of competence, strength and knowledge, and refreshed feelings of hope and faith.) May sound corny but, true. Oh' what a good feeling to reclaim, a part of me, that had up and dissappeared.

Kids have come through the door...son earned 3pts. for his team in basketball...daughter wants to play school -she's the teacher.

Simply love the suggestion that I and anyone of us, might just get back one thing our trauma may have taken from us....in my case, most definately my Mind! luv it.............

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Wow, we are some really strong individuals... I've just been reading over the last few pages of posts.

Just a question I've been thinking...
while I'm blown away that we have over 1300 posts on this on thread,
I've been wondering if members would prefer me to break this thread into several threads as it continues?
(exampe:
How's your day been? November 2006
How's your day been? December 2006
How's your day been? January 2007)

Of course I would have to start at the begining of this thread.
I'm not sure if it would just make it more confusing or make it easier to check how we were doing during a particular time...
It might make it easier for new members to feel more comfertable to join in?
Not sure, any feedback is great ;)

 

[becvan]

Actually y&a, I like this thread just the way it is.. plus I just don't have time to sift through every month if I miss some days!

I got to sleep last night without the ativan. I had about 15 minutes where I was starting to panic but I worked through it.. I was glad as that crap knocks me flat. I'm trying to keep my chin up.. this whole mess with crashing just as hard as i did this summer.. all it's really done is made me more determined to heal and never live like this again.. i am so sick of this..

bec

 

[wildfirewildone]

A Proposal......

:cuckoo: OK.....bec...I'll take the kids!!!!! Just send them to the post office here in town....:rolleyes: If I could afford them I really wouldn't mind having them around a bit.....I miss my son alot [now 29] and I seem to have a knack for being a good mom.....I know how scared you are presently....that's my scariest nightmare...being homeless....I am giving you 3 HUGS right now!!!!
.....wildfirewildone......GIVING PEACE A CHANCE

 

[becvan]

Well, I took Veiled's advice.. had a rough day with triggers and looking for movies that trigger etc.. in fact it's been a hell of a long day.. so I had a hot bath, managed to get down the half a sub I had left, bought junk food to tempt myself with (chips and dip, half moons and musketter bars), have a coffe to nuke and hot tea waiting.. sending my youngest to his room to watch movies, the eldest is sleeping over at a freinds, I'm in my snoppy pirate pj's (don't you dare laugh.. they're comfy), and i'm hitting the couch with a pile of blankets and my dog.. I'm gonna watch fraility and maybe whatever is on the tube.. downtime for becca.. LOL

You all have a good night and catch ya's tomorrow.. thanks for listening to me moan and groan lately *hugs*

bec