General Hubby Want's To Isolate, From Everyone, But A Select Few

[intothelight]

Hi Amethist,

For me isolation is self-preservation. Sometimes life, and where I am at, just start to overwhelm me. Instead of continuing to push myself and possibly having a huge backslide or breakdown, I just cut off the world for a while. It lets me have time to work through what I need to and get my feet back under me.

Your H has done a great job in explaining why he is feeling this way and also hasn't cut off his immediate family. It sounds like he knows he may be at a limit and needs some down time to regroup. Personally, I don't think backing away when the stress of life for a short period of time is a bad thing. It only becomes worrisome if it continues for an indefinite period or becomes more severe instead of improving over a few days (e.g. withdrawing further from immediate family).

It is just exhausting when your head is going a million directions, you know the thinking is skewed, and it is taking everything you have just to do the basics. Sometimes you just have to have some time to sort through and quiet the head.

 

[amethist]

Hubby's Community Support came to see him today, and is going to come back on Friday, 2 visits in one week is unusual, but hubby is happy he is being listened to by someone else who understands.

He agreed with everything hubby is doing at the moment, even suggesting that dropping his evening meds by half would help him feel less tired through the day, as it is them that are doing it again.

All is still quiet here, no phone ringing its bells off, no one knocking on the door, only the wind to disturb the peace.

 

[Damacci]

After reading these posts from sufferers and Supportes I feel stupid and just lost as I realize I have never seen my husband in this Spot of light. I always thought he is just being rude, he would tell me I am high maintenance because all I wanted is going for a walk or out to dinner. Now I feel I lost him forever. I should have read in this Forum 2 years ago to understand him better ( he didnt really explain His feelings to me) and to have more patience and to back off at the right moments. If I only could turn back time.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Amethyst, my boyfriend is tha same way only what makes it more difficult is that I am a sufferer too and his avoidance is one of my triggers!

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

I go through periodic times where I did not want to deal with anything, or anyone. There was simply too much 'noise' in my head, to deal with the outside world's 'noise'. I think this is a normal reaction. I would say to my husband, "tell me the options I have" and I would make a decision as to what I wanted. Or "can you take the lead on this and make a decision, I can't think right now". Or, I would ask for time to deal with it when I was in a better frame of mind. I trust my husband by the way, and it sounds like your husband trusts you to make a decision that is best for both of you. That's a good thing.

As I began dealing better with the 'noise' in my head, I have gradually been introducing people into my life that are not high maintenance. People that don't know about my condition and can serve as a 'positive' detraction for me. It is going well, but I choose who I want to be in contact with, when, for how long and in what form. I think it is important to allow your husband to make these choices, when he is ready. And, that day will come.

My hubby limits his 'social' contact to seeinging sons and daughter on birthdays/Xmas. There's no bus service where we live and currently he doesn't have a driving license so relies on me to go out for coffee. (Same car park, same coffee shop, same time of day, same drink - simple routine is managable.) It's been little steps from being unable to answer the phone or the door to now ordering and paying for our coffee.

He hopes to be able get his licence back and get to the coffee shop on his own one day. Maybe next Spring. We need to get through winter which is a difficult time due to a PTSD anniversary.

Appreciating everyones openess.

Ladyhope
xx

 

[amethist]

He will Ladyhope, one day he will.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Ladyhope,

It sounds like your hubby is doing quite well considering the circumstances. He is getting out into the world, (which is a positive step in the right direction) and he has goals to work towards. He will achieve these goals and much, much more. It will surprise both you and him.

When I was initially unwell, and when I was in 'flashback waterfall mode', it was difficult to leave the house. I was so anxious that I feared going down the street by myself or even at all at times. I was worried about having a panic attack down the street without anyone to help me, having flashbacks and 'losing time' in public (which did happen on one occasion), and my hyper-vigilance was in over drive, so if I was out, I was scanning the environment for threats all the time. Going out was not so enjoyable at the time and took a lot of effort on my part.

Routine helped me when I had to leave the house. So I would go to familiar places, at routine times, have the same drink, just like your husband. This was helpful as it got me out of the house, and I could manage my anxiety a bit better with familiarity. Keeping things simple and familiar was really the only way for me to operate during the worst PTSD times.

I actually felt like I needed to re-learn the basics, or at least re-learn them in a way that made me less anxious (which I did). I remember getting stressed out about not knowing how to put petrol in my car. Which I did know how to do, I just had to re-learn how to do it calmly because I was so anxious. Sounds simple enough to put petrol in the car, but what a nightmare for me at the time. I can laugh about it now though.

The great thing in your story is that your hubby has goals, he wants to do these (not so mundane things for us when we are unwell) by himself one day. That is great, he can work towards that and it will happen.

It may seem silly at the moment, but you need balance patience with allowing him to do some small things he is comfortable with doing.Taking familiar and unfamiliar steps in a repetitive pattern, whilst using the 'tools' T gives us to help reduce anxiety, helps us to reach our goals.

I was where your hubby is right now, and things got better for me. So there is hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, things will improve.

Now, I get out of the house a lot, I can put petrol in my car :D I have become quite a community person and know most of the local business owners by name and all my neighbors. I venture out with hubby and by myself to unfamiliar places with very little anxiety.

I hope the kids understand that he is unwell at the moment, and that is why he is not visiting so much.

I hope you know you are going about this the right way, by recognizing that your hubby needs familiarity and repetition right now...

The best way to move forward into the unknown, is to take small, familiar steps.

Make sure you do something nice for yourself this week too, Ladyhope. You must also take care of you. Good luck over the Holidays, your hubby will need to put 'grounding' techniques to good use during this time.

Much love to you both, PS xxooo

 

[Srain]

This type of isolation is what I'm living again. I've been here before and struggled out of it but now it's pretty bad once again. I'm so grateful to understand the way I do that this IS part of the process so that when my TT tells me I can get beyond where I am that I will! To be truthful, while in it I'm sure my Supporter feels as sick of it as I do :(

 

[amethist]

Recognizing it is the first step to beating it again though Srain. Taking it slow and steady, as you know it the best way forward.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

(((Srain))),

You are right, it is part of the process. You have done it before, you can do it again sweetheart. You will get through this!

You need to do what you need to do now, to get better. But what I discovered was that the second period of my isolation was actually shorter than my first, so that give me some solace. It's progress isn't it.

Yes it was tough on my hubby too, and he still worries about me, but now that he understands why I do what I do, and I understand that myself too, things are now more manageable.

A friend once told me, "You can't eat an elephant all at one, you need to take little bites". That is so true.

xxoo PS