Sexual Assault Husband laughed about my sexual abuse

[Gs172003]

Hold on



Wow. Also: classic.

Get out there ASAP!

:hug:

What she said.

 

[Justmehere]

He said he is sorry,that I made him mad and can we just forget it.

If he is truly sorry, he would make a commitment to robust change, not blame you, and accept that you can’t just forget the pain his words caused. Feeling angry is a common human emotion and he’s responsible for what he does when he feels angry. He threatened to break you and suggested repeating sexual abuse as a viable option. That’s some sick twisted stuff that should not be forgotten.

Blaming you? Yeah. Wrong direction. That’s what abusers do. This isn’t your fault. You don’t control his emotions. Kudos to you for trying to talk to him about it, and, save your breath. You are not likely to talk him out of this and into self responsibility for talking and acting like a perp.

If you want to risk more of this and stay in the relationship, I’d consider setting hard boundaries fast. As in staying separate places until he takes responsibility, engages therapy, and shows a sustained pattern of change. If you are ready to leave, I especially wouldn’t bother talking with him. It makes sense to try, but he thinks he threatening to break you is your fault because he was mad. I hope you set boundaries and consult a lawyer how to start the process. It’s a crappy situation all the way around. Most of all, I want to validate he’s being really cruel. What an ass...

 

[Jade-]

I'm sorry I'm not responding to each individual reply.I want to but my mind feels overloaded.

I know I should be thinking and saying f*ck that mother f*cker and I should have walked out the door right after he said it. I know my focus should be on what happened but it's not. Hearing what he said about the box(crate) and then writing about it here made it all so...I'm not sure of the word I'm looking for really.But I keep thinking how disgusting, I sucked dick at such a young age. I did that.

I hadn't really thought about it in awhile.And I have been.And it just seems like nothing else matters right now besides thinking about it. What he said doesn't matter,leaving doesn't matter,and I feel I have to think about it,what I did,what was done to me.

And I thought maybe drinking would help but I think it's making me think more instead of less

 

[Sideways]

and I should have walked out the door right after he said it.

That wouldn’t be right. Just running.

We aren’t gonna run. We’re going to leave. But not run.

Take the important paperwork with you. Clothes, toiletries, meds. Go stay with someone else.

Not running from this arsehole. Leaving this arsehole. Because you’re worth it.

Keep it simple. Be gentle with yourself.

And yeah, don’t drink too much, because you’re more powerful than you think you are. And you can deal with this. You can leave. For you. Because you’re worth it.

 

[Deanna]

I hadn't really thought about it in awhile.And I have been.And it just seems like nothing else matters right now besides thinking about it

Listen....No one here, is measuring you by your trauma. We've all been through it. Kids don't have a say in these situations.

Don't get that backwards to what this as%whole is saying. The guy you married is not your friend. He never accepted u. He married for other reasons. Now get your possessions and leave this guy. He's not who you think is. He's violent and his thinking iis one of an abuser. He'll eventually get to that point, with you there.

 

[HealingMama]

Do you have a friend you can call to come over and sit with you and be part of your here and now reality?

Yeah you may need to think about the past, but I think if there is a way to stall it until you see your T, you really should do everything you can to put it away for now.

 

[HealingMama]

That wouldn’t be right. Just running.

We aren’t gonna run. We’re going to leave. But not run.

Take the important paperwork with you. Clothes, toiletries, meds. Go stay with someone else.

Not running from this arsehole. Leaving this arsehole. Because you’re worth it.

Keep it simple. Be gentle with yourself.

And yeah, don’t drink too much, because you’re more powerful than you think you are. And you can deal with this. You can leave. For you. Because you’re worth it.

This. Even if you end up coming back later, getting essentials and leaving is a way to take a stand for the fact that you don't deserve to be abused, and you never have.

 

[LuckiLee]

@JadeB. I hope you don't mind but I went back and read some of your older posts just to get a better understanding of where you're coming from.

You have been in this relationship a very long time and it's been toxic/abusive a long time too. Your kids are grown. Right? Are you financially dependent on him? What makes you stay?

I don't think either one of you can get healthy being together. And it seems (to me) that you're both getting more UNhealthy being in this relationship. There's so much gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse and total mind f#ckery going on I can understand why you feel the way you do.

I'm so sorry he treats you the way he does. But the good news is?? You can change it! He didn't break you. He pushed you to your breaking point. You deserve to get healthy and kick this pig of a man to the curb. (Seriously, anyone who uses someone's trauma against them is a P.O.S. in my book and deserves...nothing.)

(I hope I'm not making you more upset.)

Your feelings are important because YOU are important.

Take what works and leave the rest. Sending support and love your way.

XO

 

[Jade-]

I'm done talking about this now.I thought it would help but it's not.its too overwhelming to read all these replies or deal with any of this right now

 

[Jade-]

Well great,I got pissed and changed my name and can't change it again until next month.

I want to make it clear that my husband has never sexually abused me.Thats twice that's been said and the first time the poster had me confused with a different member.Im not sure why it was said again.Yes my husband is an asshole and has said and done shitty things but he has not sexually abused me!

 

[Jade-]

I've never posted about him physically or sexually abusing me.Verbal abuse,yes,mind f*ckery at times,yes

I just wanted to clear that up.Now I'm done talking about it here.

 

[Sideways]

Sorry - you don't seem to feel heard here. That's always a shitty feeling.

Be gentle with yourself:hug:(if that's okay)