Husband Taking Second Job

[Unhinged]

My husband is taking a second job to help offset my not working. It is just on Saturdays, but a spilt shift that works out to be at least 15 hours. From what I can tell it is working for the newspaper in a stock room or loading the trucks. He is going in the morning for the drug test and they want him to start this weekend.

I feel absolutely aweful that I can't seem to get it together enought to pull my own weight. We aren't broke, we aren't really even going that hungry. I just think maybe he is used to a certain level of life that he can't have since I moved here. I do my best to try and save us money, like cooking, so he doesn't eat out as much. But he still eats out everyday. I find myself doing without and hiding so as not to upset him or be in the way. I just don't see why he feels he needs this second job.

I guess I do understand that he is worried that as I start getting treatment the doctor bills may add up, so maybe he is just trying to get ahead of it. I should be happy that I am lucky enough to have someone willing to do this to help me, but all it is doing is making me feel like a burden. Can barely even talk to him about it without having an anxiety attack. I just wish my feelings would make sence so I could deal with this better. Be best if I was able to handle that whole "outside world" and just go back to work, anywork, anywhere.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I know this doesn't help...but I always feel like that. My husband works two jobs too. I only make a few hundaerd extra every month. With me starting school...even if I wasn't,...I've always felt like a burden.

 

[Powder]

Unhinged, I'd tell him you appreciate his willingness to do this. I totally understand all the emotions this is bringing up, and they make total sense to me. But I've found in my 12 years of marriage, that establishing a positive baseline with the husband, one of respect, verbally is vital to everything that happens later. For example, you do likely respect the fact that he's able and willing to do his part and in a way that is not a judgement against you. There's nothing dishonest about saying that you are proud of him or feel respect for his actions. After a while, you can see how you feel about it all. Then, if it's getting out of balance between you, you can then say that you feel bad you can't contribute and that your time together on the weekends is getting pinched, both of which is a challenge that you can manage but wish you could help more with. I think people are more able to hear and understand your difficult feelings when you've already shown the positive and appreciative ones and they aren't being threatened or misunderstood or challenged. You can see it's also respectful to him to at least let him give this a fair try before challenging his plan. He may want to increase prosperity for you thinking it is the only way he can help you. It may be his Love Language.

Muse

 

[Vee Lagrome]

I totally understand where you're coming from on this. I am struggling with this same type of situation myself. My husband has started looking into doing some freelancing on the side to make up for my not working. I am looking for a job, but it is tough with the economy and everything going on.

What you could consider as a way of possibly making work is getting creative. Maybe you know how to do websites, art, video, or something. If you know how to make crafts and find it very soothing, you could open up an etsy account [DLMURL]http://www.etsy.com[/DLMURL] to sell your things (therapy + money!) or you could look into a freelancing site like www.guru.com, www.ifreelance.com, or [DLMURL]http://www.freelancer.com[/DLMURL]. There are a bazillion different kinds of jobs that people are looking for, and if you have some kind of skill, you could look into doing that. This way, you'd be doing work, but it'd be flexible and you'd be able to stay home. I've been doing a little bit of it while I've been looking for work, though most of my time has been spent studying/pursuing teaching certification.

Anyway, I hope you find something that will boost your confidence. I was always the breadwinner, so me being out of work now is a huge slap in the face to me and it's absolutely humiliating to me that my husband is trying to get a second job to keep us afloat... :S Much luck and hugs to you! You can do it!

 

[Unhinged]

Thank you for the responces. Sorry it has taken so long for a reply.

I started therapy in January and he came a few times too, the therapist discussed the money issue and the extra job. It seemed to help a lot. We have been pinching our belts and he recieved a nice bonus. He has almost paid off all of his debt. It is such a relief to see the end of this stressor is near. He is eving talking about being able to give up the second job! It will be wonderfull if he can relax more.

Vee, I recently got a sewing machine and have been considering etsy. I love that site. My best (only) friend showed it to me. She is always working on projects and knows several people that sell on there. She has been tutoring me in my sewing and apparently I'm "a natural" so i'm hoping Etsy my be perfect. I will have to check into those other sites as well. Thank you for the links.