General Husband with ptsd no sex drive

[LikeAna]

Hello, hope you all are having a great day. Here’s my story, I really need the support of people who have experience on this matters.

I have a few issues, the main problem is that my husband (been married for 6 months) is dealing with PTSD, we both are seeing a therapist to deal with this matter, the most difficult part for me, is having the patience to work one day at a time, we haven’t had sex for 5 months when the PTSD quicked in, apparently thru triggers originated by the “peace and safety” of our home. Regardless of this awful situation We are a very happy couple and very much in love. But for now I have to let go of pushing him to have sex or any kind of intimacy, missed him badly.

Therapist recommended not initiating anything or even talk about this, since that makes him more stressed and pressured and leads to Panic Attacks, horrible when you think having intimacy with you trigger that on him, know has nothing to do with me, still hurts.

He try to commit suicide a few months ago due to a very horrible discussion we had, from that day i have to be extra careful with everything, is exhausting.

He was in jail for almost 2 years in Central America, and believe me, nothing to do with jails in the US, already traumatizing been locked up, but this place was horrible, dirty, no food for times, riots, people killed, even overflows due to storms, so you can imagine it was very traumatized, most of all since he has a very comfortable life. He slept in a tiny bunk bed completely closed with a padlock from the inside. So yeah! Horrible!!!

He also have horrible nightmares, and sometimes wakes up completely disoriented and in attack mode, he hast been violent to me ever, not even with words but i feel so sorry for him and dont know how else can I help.

Any advices??? Please help!

 

[Sweetpea76]

It sounds like you're doing all that you can really do. You've decided to stop initiating and let him take the lead, and you're getting help for yourself. Those are probably the best things you can be doing in this situation.

I know it sucks being helpless. We as supporters have zero control. We can't help and we can't fix... even when it deals with an aspect of our own lives. We just have to accept and be patient. Intimacy issues are for the birds.

 

[somerandomguy]

Shutting down sexually is definitely part of PTSD. You didn't say but here in the USA many men in jail are raped, so it's not unlikely the same thing happened to him. Even without sexual abuse, PTSD usually causes sex problems. Unfortunately, this is something he's really going to have to work through himself. You can be supportive, but he's going to have to do all of the work, and you should be aware that it will probably take years.

It sounds like you're blaming yourself for his suicide attempt. It's not your fault! That's completely on him - not you.

I hope you can participate in the site's supporters section. I'm a sufferer, but I recognize that the supporters in this community are nothing short of amazing. They can help.

 

[FragileGlass]

I feel for you. Please don’t blame yourself for his decision to attempt suicide. A decision of such magnitude would be fueled by far more than a heated or serious conversation.

I am a male sufferer, like your partner have shut down intimately towards my partner.

My PTSD has peaks and valleys, some days it’s a quiet shadow in the corner, other days it’s a raging elephant that I can’t block out of my head sadly the elephant stays around for far longer. It’s been about 8 months at full capacity.

I have had times when I could bluff my way through it for my partner during the low spikes, when I am at max PTSD overload, I can’t. My mind can’t block out the problem. Causing me to feel uncomfortable, unwilling to become vulnerable and unable to be intimate.

I do try to communicate with her to provide reassurance, on the outside I appear ok, I don’t show physical signs of the stress and can be confusing for her. That stems from my job working in Emergency Crisis. Always appearing to be under control under the most stressful of situations.

There are days when I don’t communicate when I should, that stems from a lot of embarrassment, feeling of failure, being ‘less of a man’, because I can’t perform sexually. Under the best of circumstances men have issues discussing intimacy problems. Add PTSD into that conversation, trust me I want to run behind a door and lock myself in too. That defeating feeling is overwhelming.

Did he have some revelation, incident, diagnosis after your marriage, or were these issues also present before your marriage? I know it’s hard to tell an entire story on forum, it appears he peaked a little bit after your marriage and hasn’t come down from it since. (Again, you and your marriage are not at fault.) Just trying to source a timeline.

Hugs!

 

[Mytime]

Just know your not alone. I know how your feeling. At times it’s hard to not think it’s you. Just know, it really is PTSD. Sending support and hugs.