Sexual Assault I’m not sure if this is sexual assault

[bluehill18]

I don’t have PTSD i’m just confused. this happened 2 nights ago and I was in Aruba where the drinking age is 16. My friends and I are 15 and we got into a bar because no one usually gets carded. I had been drinking a lot and have never been more drunk than that night. Stupidly, I decided to leave with an 18 year old and we went back to a hot tub (I was wearing a bathing suit). We started making out and I consented to that. I was okay with him feeling me up and taking my bathing suit top off. Then he started getting super aggressive and pushing me around ( I was straddling him) which gave me bruises, cuts, and scratches all up my legs. He started fingering me and I didn’t want him to so I kept taking his hands out of my bottoms but he kept going. He choked me and told me ‘tell me you like it.’ I froze and didn’t say anything and he kept choking me for a minute or so until I made up an excuse and pulled myself off him to leave.

 

[Justmehere]

This would probably be helpful to read: Are you wondering if you were raped? read this first.

What you describe is sexual assault. The age of consent in Aruba is 16. If you were 15 when this happened, everything that happened was likely sexual assault. In addition to the age factor, chocking and injuring you is not someone who is even bothering to seek your consent. You could not safely say no, and this you could not freely say yes.

 

[bluehill18]

Thank you for responding. He thought I was 16 because that is what I told him. I also never said ‘no’... I froze and was too drunk to form words. Before he got aggressive I was touching him down there which may have lead him on so he thought he could do the same to me. Does this change anything?

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the technical/legal term doesn’t matter so much as your reaction. If this is upsetting to you then I suggest seeking out a therapist or counselor to help you process what happened so that you can move forward.

Hugs.

 

[Suzetig]

I agree with @EveHarrington, regardless of how you label what happened, you’re not ok with it and need support. In saying that, no matter what age he thought you were, if you were moving his hands away and he started choking you, I think it’s safe to say he would know you didn’t want what was happening.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Yeah that's definitely sexual assault. He didn't respect your boundaries, or you for that matter. You tried to stop him, but he didn't stop. Plus you're not even an adult.

It is common after sexual assault (and a lot of traumas I think) to want to deny that it was assault, that it was real, that it happened, etc.

Are you still in Aruba or have you gone home?

Are there any adults you can talk with about this?

You definitely should try to see a therapist if this is bothering you. Things will probably be better for you if you start working on this sooner rather than later.