First of all, thank god for this website..I counseled people with traumatic experiences but never thought this could happen to me..but then things started happening to me..the numbness..the feeling of just simply existing through life and not really mentally all here..the paranoid thoughts..the nightmares.
I was in denial for awhile and could not believe that this was actually happening to me..the only thing I am grateful for is how now my reaction time is twice as fast as the average human (actually saved my life once after the fire).
But doctors are educated in illness and some still get cancer right? If anything living with PTSD has only made me more compassionate toward other suffers because I am embrassed to admit it. I used to wonder if it was real, but then the fire happended and people died around me, but myself and some others survived. My whole life has changed. It's been years since it has happened, but sometimes I still feel like a freak..socially awkward (don't want to use alcohol to relax in a room either).
This year I almost blocked out the anniversary (the brain is a powerful thing), but then images from a movie sparked it and damn I was right there again. My story is long, but that's my introduction.
My husband was in the military for years, but he does better than me. He often reminds me to take it easy on myself. That I did not enlist or sign up for my trauma and though I was able to save some people. I could not save everyone including someone very close to me. Like some of you I refuse to take meds. And have processed it for years in therapy. But I still feel like no one understands me. I hope by talking to all of you on here it can help me?
<Edited for basic grammar and paragraphs inserted for ease of reading by KP the nut>
I was in denial for awhile and could not believe that this was actually happening to me..the only thing I am grateful for is how now my reaction time is twice as fast as the average human (actually saved my life once after the fire).
But doctors are educated in illness and some still get cancer right? If anything living with PTSD has only made me more compassionate toward other suffers because I am embrassed to admit it. I used to wonder if it was real, but then the fire happended and people died around me, but myself and some others survived. My whole life has changed. It's been years since it has happened, but sometimes I still feel like a freak..socially awkward (don't want to use alcohol to relax in a room either).
This year I almost blocked out the anniversary (the brain is a powerful thing), but then images from a movie sparked it and damn I was right there again. My story is long, but that's my introduction.
My husband was in the military for years, but he does better than me. He often reminds me to take it easy on myself. That I did not enlist or sign up for my trauma and though I was able to save some people. I could not save everyone including someone very close to me. Like some of you I refuse to take meds. And have processed it for years in therapy. But I still feel like no one understands me. I hope by talking to all of you on here it can help me?
<Edited for basic grammar and paragraphs inserted for ease of reading by KP the nut>
