I am a little scared of my partner.

[Kalipri]

Hey everyone!

I just recently had a really bad situation regarding my partner and dont really know what to do...

One night it was 10:30pm and I was trying to sleep. My partner continued watching a youtube video on the TV in the bedroom and it was really loud and kept me awake. I put a pillow over my head to deafen it a little. Next thing I noticed was the weird rhythmic movement of her masturbating in bed right next time me, sort of hearing it too. I started spiraling and trying to ignore it but it threw me into a barrage of flashbacks to when I was sexually abuses by my brother way back when.

It went on like that for half an hour and I ended up whimpering, shaking, crying, until my partner finally noticed me not feeling well. For almost an hour I laid and sat there in silence feeling afraid and like crap. I didnt talk to her about it right then and there since I needed to get sleep so I could work the next day. I did eventually lay down again and sleep.

The next day I told her all about it, and that I noticed that she was masturbating right next to me and that triggered my Trauma. Though she "seemed" understanding, she then told me what I felt and noticed wasnt at all what I did, and that she was just "stimming".

Which in all honesty...I know when she stimms, I know what it feels and sounds and looks like. That was not stimming. And quite frankly, I dont know or understand why my partner feels the need to lie to me and gaslight me into thinking it wasnt that way.

Every since having talked to her about it, I left it at that and didnt discuss it any further. No incident happened since but her lying to me leaves me with a rather sour feeling...

What would you guys do in this situation?? (they are not a bad person at all, in fact they are the healthiest partner for me I have ever had...ehich is why this kinda threw me off...)

 

[Movingforward10]

So a few things can be true at the same time.

If she was masturabting next to you. That is ok totally. Despite your trauma. Whilst that could be a trigger for you, she actually was doing zero wrong. If she was stimming, also zero wrong.

If she has now lied about masturbating that doesn’t make her a bad person or an unsafe person. Maybe she lied as she was embarrassed or ashamed? Maybe she felt bad about you being triggered and wanted to make the problem go away? Who knows.


Whilst the behaviour and the potential lie may be triggers for you and she now seems scary and unsafe: that is one of the horrible things about ptsd as it brings in the stuff from the past and makes daily life hard.
Trying to remember she is safe. She hasn’t done anything wrong (misguided if she has lied, but the lie might actually come from a place of care about you).
Our feelings when triggered can make things seem real in the here and now, but they aren’t. They are triggers.
Trying to hold on to that fact will help.