I Am Coming To Terms That My Dad Sexually Abused Me

[Beaglefan61]

Yes, i absolutely mean the psychological prison that it is causing you. I am in one of those right now where someone not talking about something implausible leaving me not believed by even my therapist is causing me to be in one. Yours is a prison you never deserved. Mine is also really. Our getting out is so needed, given we can be believed by the people we need.

That you will never get the admission from your father that would help you is sad. I am sorry he wouldn't. You deserve it. The funeral collage, is that they are dead to you ? Or is it more that the relationship is dead to you? That you cut off communication with them is maybe needed for your healing. My abuser is dead, yet he is still alive to me. I still love him, though i pay prices that were never mine to pay. I am struggling horribly with someone not saying where their lack of giving truth is in too many ways ensuring further harm to my life as what happened almost nobody believes and things spiraled out of control due to the face people were not believing me in the first place. I believe you were abused. I know you need to be believed. I wish you would get the admission even if he would never give it as that would help your healing. It is not essential as you will be believed anyhow, but it making things easier is every bit deserved.

If you need to take healing at your own pace, please know that is important that you are listening to yourself. Much of what our abusers did to us is in their relationship to us and it being inappropriate. Much also is that on some things at our ages we were not ready to handle certain things anyhow. You putting things into place to help you get more ready and pace yourself is wise.

If reporting him would cause more harm for you, then that would be only more price that you don't need. If your life is getting better, good! You deserve that.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thanks @Beaglefan61. The collage and the funeral are to know that they are dead to me. That it is over. Everything communication, relationships, abuse. That my mother was never a real mother to me that my father was never a real father to me.

I hear you. You need to be believed too. I write in my journal over and over again. It really happened. I am not making things out. That helps.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi,

So It's been a little over 2 years since I had a nervous breakdown, started breaking the se...

I have a much easier time writing too, especially since I am very introverted and autistic. Writing is much easier for me, I would think that if you write it down and explain to your therapist that you like to capture your thoughts that way then she would understand that.

 

[Beaglefan61]

I understand what you mean then. It is not as though they are really dead as in some depersonalization sense where you detach from the feelings about them, feelings you need to heal. You simply had to let the relationship die. I have not really done that funeral thing before but in a couple of cases could see how it can help. For me most end up in some hazy grey area where i don't know what happened as too much got lost in the lack of communication so i don't bury them. I only make a few exceptions where people not only caused pain but seemed to enjoy causing pain. What is their motive for changing when they actually enjoy causing pain? If the other was actually hurt by themselves causing pain i am very open. Sounds like you didn't have a lot of that from your parents though. For that i am sorry.

Writing over and over again can be helpful so you can have an easier time overcoming any denial. Ty for the statement i too need to be believed. I am so torn by all the complexities for why the truth wasn't made known by another. Another day, another possible option and my best conclusion is: I do not know. Being caught between the hurt and anger of having to go through it yet maybe there being extenuating circumstance is maddening. Just sure makes any healing harder when i get too much secondary trauma of being disbelieved so this has been a big test for me personally.

And for you freedomfighter, good for you getting support here if you have some introverted and autistic . We all need support in healing. I hope for you and UniversalBeing it will come in safe and helpful ways.