lost and found
New Here
Hello everyone.
New to SSA and it’s the first time I am joining any kind of group where people talk about their abuse. I want to thank each of you for sharing your story; it’s a solace to know I am not alone in the struggle of surviving.
I was sexually abused from age 6 to 8 by a friend of the family. The memory is hazy and at times I wonder if it is false- did I make it all up in my perverse mind!
But the bile that rises every time I think about him is real. The horrible thoughts and anxiety that I feel when I hear a child scream or cry somewhere out my sight is real.
The fact that at times I even distrust my own father or brother with a child alone is real.
The fact that I am 31 and apart from the unrequited obsessive love and one night stands, have never had a real relationship in my life is real. The thought of having children of my own someday petrifies me is real.
I have forgiven him but I doubt if I still have forgiven myself.
I am emotionally stable mostly. I seem fine perhaps a bit melancholic and tendency to depressive bouts at times.
Me- Indecisive, hate confrontation, low self-esteem (working on it); lead on that I am happy being alone by myself- but truth is I wouldn’t know how to handle something real if it actually ever came along, it’s easy to be in love or attracted to someone who is not available!
Anyway, hope I don’t sound too much of a self pitying fool. I am fine really, just wished I would stop waiting for my life to start.
New to SSA and it’s the first time I am joining any kind of group where people talk about their abuse. I want to thank each of you for sharing your story; it’s a solace to know I am not alone in the struggle of surviving.
I was sexually abused from age 6 to 8 by a friend of the family. The memory is hazy and at times I wonder if it is false- did I make it all up in my perverse mind!
But the bile that rises every time I think about him is real. The horrible thoughts and anxiety that I feel when I hear a child scream or cry somewhere out my sight is real.
The fact that at times I even distrust my own father or brother with a child alone is real.
The fact that I am 31 and apart from the unrequited obsessive love and one night stands, have never had a real relationship in my life is real. The thought of having children of my own someday petrifies me is real.
I have forgiven him but I doubt if I still have forgiven myself.
I am emotionally stable mostly. I seem fine perhaps a bit melancholic and tendency to depressive bouts at times.
Me- Indecisive, hate confrontation, low self-esteem (working on it); lead on that I am happy being alone by myself- but truth is I wouldn’t know how to handle something real if it actually ever came along, it’s easy to be in love or attracted to someone who is not available!
Anyway, hope I don’t sound too much of a self pitying fool. I am fine really, just wished I would stop waiting for my life to start.
