I Am Freaking Out, Help Me. Amnesia? Ptsd?

[downward]

Yesterday, I find myself driving back to home from my sister’s place. She and her husband are out of town. I had no idea why I went to her house. When arrived home, I had this sudden imagination of a yellow towel. Seemed like there was a yellow towel everywhere. I don’t know why I keep seeing it. I checked my cell phone. In the call log I found that I have contacted my therapist several times during past weeks but I cannot remember anything about it. I checked my text messages to my BFF, and there read something that freaked me out. I asked her what is going on? What are all these texts about? She said you are forgetting things. She told me I was injected heroin by my brother’s friend (my brother is a drug user.) I feel like I am dreaming, I want to wake myself up but I cannot. It feels like there is a several week gap in my mind, I remember many things in the past weeks, like learning Braille, talking to my sister, being happy for her that expects a child, but I cannot remember anything my best friend tells me about heroin injection. There is a wound on my hand, I don’t know what caused it. I have always kept a diary, I read that I am writing to myself: I am feeling like I am going crazy, no one believes me, you should not trust anyone but the therapist and Parvaz (bff). She said I am suffering from PTSD. But that was all, she says I should put myself together. You should keep seeing her, she helps you keep your balance. No matter what, if you are reading this and you have no idea what is going on, it’s me. I am you. Trust me. Ignore voices in your head, they are lying. I am losing my balance. Trust no one.

My friend keeps telling me I should call my therapist, I am not the type of girl who seeks help. I dun feel comfortable if other think I need them…. And now I am sitting here, digging websites about amnesia, checking my cell phone, diary and laptop and I am reading and seeing things that I have put them there but I have no idea when. I AM FREAKED out, I keep ignoring my bff, I don't want anyone in my world. I am going crazy? Please help me. Is this amnesia? Illusion? What is wrong with me? ~!~

I am this feeling that something happened, but my minds keep pushing me back. I don't dare pushing it too far....

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
Are you saying that you've been diagnosed? I'm a bit confused by your story.

Drug use can't cause PTSD. It can cause other mental issues, but not PTSD. It can exacerbate an existing case of PTSD, but I'm not sure if that's what you're saying.

I had an OD a few years ago and it took awhile before I regained a sense of reality. I couldn't trust myself or what anybody told me because I had experienced drug induced psychosis. For me, things got better over time. However, my symptoms once the drugs wore off weren't as bad as what you're experiencing. I urge you to contact your therapist and tell her what's going on.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

My friend keeps telling me I should call my therapist, I am not the type of girl who seeks help. I dun feel comfortable if other think I need them…. And now I am sitting here, digging websites about amnesia, checking my cell phone, diary and laptop and I am reading and seeing things that I have put them there but I have no idea when.

Read this part of you post again. You are already seeking help. Not because you are overly dependant on others or weak in any way, but because you seriously need it in this case. And if anything, I think your therapist will be glad you called, so that he/she can do their job and help you out!

You seem really confused and scared. It is okay to ask for help. Personally, I think you should not be alone for a while. Go talk to your therapist about what the best thing to do for you is right now. And it would be best if you visit a doctor, too, to check for any physical damage from the needle and heroin.

Hang in there!

 

[downward]

This is my friend’s account of the happenings, the only one I know never lies. My friend, who says she was with me during past weeks, tells me that I was forcibly taken away and was injected heroin 2 times, after that I went through hell to not use it again. She says I handled it quite well. I reported it to the police and kept seeing my therapist twice a week. She stayed a night with me and says I walked during sleep (Three nights ago). One day after sleepwalking, my mind blanked out and I started asking stupid questions.

These are all what my friend tells me about my past weeks but I dun remember any of them. I don't remember anything from the sessions with the therapist, from that guy injected me, I don't remember spending time at my sister’s place, I don't remember my friend staying with me. I don't remember anything she is telling me. Yet I could not believe my ears. I did not believe her until I came across my diary last night. I have written down in my diary that my therapist told me that I am suffering from PTSD. That is why I freaked out.

Does amnesia happen like this in people suffering from PTSD? Or it’s drug? Or what. This lump in my throat is killing me. I am in hell. I have lost my balance, my mind and nobody will believe me. I don't know what to say to my therapist if I tell her that I can’t remember any sessions with her. just tell me I am not crazy, it is a symptom only?

 

[Lost Pup]

It's not impossible, but only a professional could really sort it out with you. This might be helpful to look over: Dissociative Fugue.

 

[franciemarnie]

Are you taking any medications like benzos? You can black out on them. I blacked out for a few weeks on and off and ended up in emergency.

You have to talk to a professional. You'll drive yourself insane trying to figure this out without one.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think any of us can tell you if it's a symptom of PTSD or if it's because of drug use. I'm guessing drug use, but that's just a stab in the dark on my part.

If your therapist has diagnosed you with PTSD because of a past trauma and this drug incident is spiking your symptoms, then you really need to talk to her. I think that what you're dealing with is beyond the "expertise" of other sufferers on an Internet forum. (I just want to see you get the help you need.)

Oh, wait. Another thought is that the diagnosis itself caused this level of dissociation. Your mind doesn't want to deal with the past trauma and you literally check out. This is sort of what happened to me---my mind couldn't handle certain trauma issues so I started dissociating pretty badly. The dissociative episodes were related to the drug incident which caused the psychosis. Long story short...

 

[Marf]

Either way, please be honest with your therapist. It is the only way he/she can help you.

 

[Lost Pup]

I think that what you're dealing with is beyond the "expertise" of other sufferers on an Internet forum.

I cannot second this strongly enough.

 

[downward]

Thank you for your responses. what should I expect my therapist to do? How can she help me? What if I totally lose my mind after remembering what happened?

 

[Jane.l]

I think you need to see your T ASAP and between you try to piece together what has been going on . What is drugs , what is ptsd and to establish that you are safe .

You need to trust that your T will help you but solara is spot on you need a professional to help you.