I Am Hating Men More And More

[onebravegirl]

You are exhausting me! This entire website is meant to help people and support their process of healing. I am frustrated with you now. It will pass, but let me VENT now. Dozens of people have extended there efforts and reached out to you. Some of them sharing their own personal pain in the process. Your VENT is Pages long. You have myself and people like me having to read through all your lengthy letters out of a desire to feel for you. And that would be just Fine, just fine, if you were at least showing some consideration of others. But each of your letters say the same things over and over. IMO, That is not VENTING that is whining. Have you considered the other people here? You seem to ignore what everyone is saying in efforts to support you. If this is just a process for you, then this could be OK. But you have said that other people just do not care or that they think you are frustrating. THAT is what people here are beginning to feel as well.
I do not want to be one of them, and I have tried to reach you. If you do not agree with me that is OK. If you do not agree with EVERYONE else, that is OK too. But do not Whine that no one cares. What the heck to you think we have been trying to do!!! We do care, but you are Exhausting. I have spent alot of time thinking about you and trying to say things that will make you feel cared for and understood and have offered healthy practical suggestions. So have dozens of others. But you are on What-page 8 of this now? All we can suggest now is reading past posts that we have made for you. At some point you need to ask yourself. Why and I not feeling better about this? Am I in my own way? Is this a pattern in my life? These are questions we had to ask ourselves and they probably won't be any easier for you to answer than they were for any of us. But if you really want to get past this, you have to do the work. Growing pains hurt at first but you can come out of this stronger and wiser on the other side. One of the rarest flowers in the world is the Lotus flower. It only grows in the deepest mud. It has to force itself out of the mud in order to bloom. So do WE.
I wish so much Peace and Love Girl. I would still like to be able to be there for you. But like I said before, The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off. This is the tough love part. Please read through our comments again and try and just Listen and See the care and concern for you. It is still there.
O

 

[Pam]

I have noticed that my C cycles in and out of what appear to be various stages of grief over his experiences. And sometimes he jumps from one to the other, missing stages inbetween. They remind me of the stages of grief that have been defined when the grief is over the death of a loved one. C spent decades stuck in anger and didn't start to cry till about 6 years ago. And he is 65! All those years stuck in anger and having not a clue why his life was spiraling out of control. Many people tried to talk to him over the past half a century (some were very uninformed people, like the Christian Women's Prayer Circle when they tried to heal him). Thankgoodness a Vietnam buddy with no legs finally double dared him to go see the VA counselor. This man told C that just because he has two legs, doesn't mean he was not just as injured. So C went. He cried in her office for hours.

Things have gotten better but it has been such a struggle. The struggle to heal (to go through the stages of healing rather awkwardly) was as great for him as the struggle to stay stuck in one stage. He has come a long way. He moves rather freely now between these various stages, not getting stuck in any one of them for any length of time. And hardly ever threatens to kill anyone these days and hasn't pointed a gun at someone for 5 years. And has only had maybe 3 fights that ended up in the street. I guess if you were to number the pages describing him being stuck in anger all those years, he could have written a book:eek:!

 

[Onefineday]

To say I am not taking into consideration what others have said is the single biggest load of bullshit ever. Yeah so my thread is long. Big deal. I didn't realise there was a limit to what I could vent before it's considerded 'whining'. Excuse me for that. I may say a lot of stuff about what happened to me and not sound as though I am trying to process anything or work things out but I have been, I have taken into consideration a lot of things that have been said. I just don't talk so much about that because I need time to really think things over and see how they may fit in, how they relate to me and help me.
Excuse me for not dealing with things the way you would like me too, and for whining. But when you have spent 22 years keeping your mouth shut to everything because you are ashamed of feeling the way you do about yourself, then you sometimes have a lot to whine about. Sorry for 'exhausting' you, but if you were that sick of it you would have stopped reading a long time ago. Nobody here has forced anyone to listen to a word I've said. I appologise for wasting everyones time.

 

[Nicolette]

Ok.... Your last comment is an indirect attempt at self pity. We want to help you heal but cannot change your decisions. I hope in time you have the strength to put yourself in the third person & re-read what is written here. The smartest thing a person can do is surround themselves with people who have knowledge & suck their brains for the answers to help lessen their painful journey. I will now bow out of this thread as my impression is you are stuck with bringing the past into your present rather than trying to put it behind you.

Many have offered an insight from experience which you are choosing to ignore as you are choosing to vent endless instead - which achieves what? If you came here for help like you say you have you are obviously not ready to take it on board. Good luck & vent as much as you require but there comes a point where endless venting becomes whining & turns people away.

 

[Nicolette]

BTW - when you look at this thread on a mobile (which I have been doing) the "vent" does not appear so I will have to discuss with Anthony.

 

[hapa_gurl87]

HI Onefine day,

I really appreciate what you had to say.

I don't know how many times I've said I hate men and all of them are bad. It doesn't help when someone makes a comment like "well not all men are bad there are a few good ones out there" I mean It's not like I don't know that, it's just when your a woman who has been opressed by men in our very patriarchal society for hundreds to thousands of years and have lived in fear because of them its not hard to categorize in general that "all men" are sex crazy, perverted, aggressive, scumbags. Thats how I like to put it because I can't imagine many men who would say "no" to sex. Woman say it all the time but men arn't the ones who have to worry about getting pregnant.

Ok there are some good qualities about men but if your a woman who'se trauma incorporated men or was the result of men than of course you're gonna wanna hate on men. I mean they're the ones who cause the majority of crime in this world which includes aggravated assault, sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, battery etc. We live in a world full of power hungry sick men yet women give birth and we raise men who become these violent dangerouse predators. There's alot of irony here.

How does the male species who came into the world through a woman end up disrespecting and abusing woman. It's very sad to acknowledge this. I suppose when boys started to hate there mothers they started to hate woman and because they are physically stronger they could take control .

I'm starting to realize I would not be traumatized today if it weren't for men. When I was in high school and guys were pressuring to perform sexual acts on this one guy at my school I consented because they told me I would be cool or popular. I could have said "no" but i was afraid they would hurt me or harrass me more than they already did. When people started spreading rumors about me it was a guy who started the rumors and it was the guys who bullied and sexually harrassed me the most after the incident.

If it wasn't for men I wouldn't be scared to go outside and be close to people or go places. I wouldn't have been taken advantage of so easily and my first sexual experience wouldn't have led to so much aweful verbal abuse,gossip and teasing. If it wasn't for men I probably wouldn't get startled all the time due to my ptsd and hyper aroused and over stimulated. I wouldn't feel shame about my body, my sexuality, the things I have done and seen that added on to my trauma. I wouldn't be in fear all the time and scared or have a difficult time saying "no" to a lot of things men ask from woman.

I feel some what relieved because now I realize the people I can blame for my trauma are men, they're men thats all I have to say gross, disgusting, nasty, ugly, horny men!!!!

And no I won't apologize because it's true woman are still oppressed and victims of men and until woman can stand up one day and no longer say they are oppressed by you guys we have every right to say "all men are bad and that we hate all men"

It's kind of the way I feel about black people hating on white people. 400 years of slavery I would be pissed to!!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hapa_girl,

While I respect your opinion....Please don't throw all women into the category that includes me in the man haters club.

I was molested by both of my brothers for years. I was gang raped at age 16 while I was drunk, buy a bunch of college students that KNEW better. I have had men expose themselves to me, at the age of 13. I have been cheated on, smacked around, dumped, left pregnant, and chocked. All by men......Do I think all men are assholes. NO!!!!


I had to finally LOOK at the whole picture and look at my participation in all of this. I had to rip it all apart, and see just where the blame lies within. Yes, there were things I could blame on THEM...."THEM" being singular. A MAN, NOT all men did this to me. I also had to take my share of responsibility in all of this too. I was drunk at 16, I should NOT have been drinking, at Williams College in a dorm room full of college students. My share of the responsibility was clear.......I also had to look at WHY I was choosing, attracting or picking the wrong men.........Once again, I claim full responsibility for this one......

Yes, there are men out there that are complete jerks, but the same can be said of women too.............