I Am In So Much Pain

[hopetha2]

i was triggered yesterday at work and i feel like i have been hit by a mack truck. had an emotional flashback that has been lasting over 24 hours now where i feel like my head is cut off from my body and i don't know who within me is running the show. once again, no one did anything just like when i was too young to even walk. this morning getting in touch with the core sense that not only was i not wanted, but i was rejected and emotionally abandoned...which i became adept over the years in abandoning myself. the only way for me to heal in any sense of the word is to walk through these feelings no matter how painful they feel, but it does not make it easy. i still on some level have resistance to fully accepting my limitations as someone with cptsd and disassociation. and i have to. i need to learn to be here for me; all of me. and this is a process. i called out of work today as i am really incapacitated and i need help. have a small support system, but it's hard to access people during the week. see my therapist tomorrow, but it feels really raw today. just wanted to get support.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

i was triggered yesterday at work and i feel like i have been hit by a mack truck. had an emotional fl...

I know how you feel. I got triggered the day before, and yesterday I spend the whole days doing almost nothing and getting worse and worse. But today it's a bit better. I hope you get better soon!

I feel like no matter how much support you have, if you are going through something that takes years to recover(like PTSD and mental issues in general), you will have moments where you don't have anyone to rely on. Or no matter how you try you can't communicate to anyone how you feel or what you need.

So lately I'm trying to kind of learn to plan for the bad times, to have things that will help me in crisis, to have plan that might help me, and to allow window of time that I can take when I need a break. I find that helpful, although it can't take away the crisis, of course, but it's something...I hope that helps in some way.

Is your job flexible? Can you take time off when you feel that way?

 

[Freedomfighter]

i was triggered yesterday at work and i feel like i have been hit by a mack truck. had an emotional fl...

Weird, I was abused as a kid too, but that abuser instead of abandoning me tightly held onto me, deathly afraid that I will free myself of his abuse. There are many kinds I guess.
Abusers I deal with now act as if they dont know anything, while they stake out my location, while they show up in the same online groups, not even trying to hide their real names. They know exactly where Iam at at all times, because they are stalking me.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Be gentle with yourself.

Sometimes dissociation takes a grip of our minds for awhile before letting go.