Sufferer I Am Just Accepting The Fact I Have Ptsd And It's Obvious I Need Some Help.

[shester]

I have recently accepted (mostly) that I have non-combat PTSD.

My life has been filled with one trauma after another. But through it all I knew God had a plan in it. Then in 2011 my then 16 year-old daughter sustained a traumatic brain injury while on a mission trip. She is doing better now, but from March 2011 - May 2013 my life became about her care. In and out of hospitals, as many as 14 doctor visits a week (I also have chronic health issues), drugs and procedures that are too numerous to name, battles with the school district, etc. My life was consumed with her care. Then in June our precious dog (we had rescued her 6 weeks prior after recently losing our 12-year old puppy) bit someone at our home. The girl who was bitten says it was not the dog's fault, but as I've learned there is no discussion of fault when it comes to dog bites. You own the dog, regardless of the circumstance, it's your fault. We had to relinquish our dog. That was the last straw.

Initially I thought the incident w/ our dog was the cause, but in looking back I realize I had PTSD before that, this was just the trigger that "released" it. Now life is a daily battle with some days being easier than others.

Thankfully I've done some work w/ a friend over the phone (the friend works w/ soldiers w/ PTSD) so the emotions aren't overtaking me every day, but I still wake up in panic attacks, struggle w/ depression, can't get "motivated", am exhausted, struggle w/ sleep, have a much shorter temper than is normal for me, have great difficulty with brain function, cry a lot, don't want to be around people, etc. I've had to shut down my business (I was a speaker and writer) b/c I just don't function "normally" any more.

At this point it’s obvious I need some help w/ managing my PTSD, but I just don’t know how to get it.

I’m looking forward to “meeting” you all and hearing what works for you.

 

[franciemarnie]

Welcome Shester! I am so glad you found us. There is great knowledge, sharing and healing here. I am happy you have a friend who really knows PTSD and you can talk. Perhaps you can find a trauma therapist to meet with too.

I well know the exhaustion, sleep difficulties, panic, fight or flight heart racing, chronic health problems, depression, and so on. There are solutions. Everyone finds what works best for them.

I am sorry you had to close your business but sometimes the time comes when the universe, for lack of a better specific term, insists it is time you focus on you and begin to heal.

Some of the things that work for me are mindful meditation especially with body scans (I was numb and depressed for years and learning to feel and listen to my body has been vital), Somatic Experiencing, workouts, music, play and having someone compassionate to listen to and affirm my reality.

I hope you start getting some relief soon!

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'm sure you will find the information and support helpful.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Shester,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

A therapist (if possible) and support groups like this one, are good places to start learning about what will help you manage your PTSD. Also, just basic life style improvements such as getting enough sleep, proper hydration, exercise and a good diet also helps to set the foundation for successful management.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial as you work on healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Shester))) :hug:
Welcome to the forum! Wow, you did have a lot 'hit' you in a short amount of time! I believe that God still has a plan in all of this. You will find compassionate caring people who will be supportive without being judgmental, and empathetic people who know how it feels to be drained of everything that was 'them'.

The first thing that came to my mind, was "who was taking care of Shester?" It sounds like you have spent your life giving, and giving, and giving. Also, it seems that you've had no time to grieve for your daughter's injury, your own health issues, and the loss of your dogs.

Grief is different for everyone. It takes a toll, and if not addressed, eventually 'cracks' start forming in the 'self' we have always been. You have a lot to grieve for! As a Christian myself, I always thought I could 'pray away' any and all pain. In our faith, sometimes we are taught to be 'selfless'. I took that literally, and for many years, had no 'self'. My 'self' was always about helping others, always giving, and giving, never taking time to take care of me.

When your daughter was injured, it sounds like you plunged into taking care of her, which is normal, but did you take time to 'feel' the shock, fear, and worry that took over your life? Probably not. It's sounds like you are/were her primary caretaker, so you didn't have time to feel, rest, accept, and grieve over your 'new' daughter. Yes, she is the same daughter, but instead of the 'normal' progression of her life, now, it's probably more like you have a 'new' baby who requires a lot of care.

Remember back when she was born, how time and life-consuming a newborn is? It's as if you have a new baby, only a very 'sick' one. You are normal, so at times, you must feel anger, sorrow, and disbelief about the 'unfairness' of it all.

The same goes for the loss of 2 pets in what sounds like a short time. Dogs are 'all giving', loving, and nurturing, and having that 'comfort' ripped away, had to also cause grief, anger, sorrow, and pain.

In my Christian 'walk', as the child of a minister, subconsciously I learned that I wasn't supposed to feel anger, and that God would keep me from grief, sorrow, and mental pain. What I learned was wrong! We are like everyone else, and yes, God is with us, but if we don't take the time for ourselves that we need to feel the range of emotions that go along with all of our trauma, we eventually 'break down'. We are human. We need nurtured, especially when we have always done the nurturing.

It sounds kind of like you are having 'spasms' of grief, sorrow, anger, disbelief, fear, and guilt. It is time for 'you' to receive care. Emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. You may have been told to 'Let go, let God', which is a good 'line', but a very, very difficult thing to actually DO!

Because you have given so much to others, and have had loved pets taken away, you have become empty, drained, used up, and dry of all that is 'you'.

Self-nurturing feels selfish, but it is not. It 'refills', restores, lifts up, and nourishes our souls. When have you had that? Ever?

Do you have a therapist? One who is trained in grief, and trauma? You don't mention the other traumas that you have had "one after the other". Have you ever been medically diagnosed with PTSD, and tried medication to deal with the physical effects of panic, anxiety, and sleeplessness? It may be something that you will need for a while, as you take time to take care of yourself and heal.

Ideally, you would have a therapist to see fairly frequently for awhile, take time for soothing baths, with candles and music. Time where nothing is required of you, and maybe a massage now and then? Doing things 'just' for yourself?

Caregivers must take time for themselves, or eventually we all 'dry up'. Perhaps God is quietly telling you it's time to nourish yourself? To rest, take time away from everyone, without guilt, shame, or urgency?

I was/am a caregiver, and when my second child was born with severe brain damage, and it threw everything I had ever learned away, and I became someone I did not even recognize. I thought I was being punished. I remember too well, the empty, dried up feeling of losing who I was. Even as a Christian, I felt 'I' was gone. She lived 11 years, 9 of them in an 'institution'', and when she died, I went through all the same emotions I did when she was a newborn, and having a 2 year old, and unhelpful husband to take care of.

I'm sorry to get so long-winded, but your post really struck a chord in my heart, and I knew I must respond. I hope you will learn some new ways of coping, and that you are not alone in your feelings. We have all arrived here for different reasons, but we are alike in many ways. You are worth whatever it takes to 'get well' and learn to manage this illness.

Blessings & Peace to you!

 

[a3a2]

I simply want to congratulate you, shester, because accepting and recognizing you need help is a huge leap in the healing process!

Welcome to the forum.

 

[SNS]

I only started looking for help last week. We are starting at the same time. I hope your journey takes you where you want to go now. I think joining this site is a major turn for the good.

Let the healing begin!!!

 

[DMerish]

Hi Shester,

I have mild/moderate PTSD and I'm currently also a supporter/carer to my daughter who has severe PTSD from a somewhat recent event. My mother had a traumatic brain injury (TBI) which she did not fully recover from. And several years ago, my then 17y/o son sustained traumatic brain injury after a near fatal bicycle accident. I think, caring for someone who has TBI can be very challenging. The medical field now knows much more about TBI than they did before, and thankfully, eventually, my son recovered pretty well. But it took time and a lot of effort on his part. I hope your daughter recovers as well, or better :-) than he has.

You'll find a lot of good people here and lots of support on your journey towards healing - welcome to the forum. :hug:

Drew