I am not a sexual being

[Rose White]

I am. But some parts have hijacked my system and we are living with the rule that we are not.

Here are the reasons:
It is dangerous for us to behave that way. It always has been and it always will be.
We are better off without it. Our life will be much better this way.

The parts who were sexual have been given a gag order and are dismissed, discounted, and distracted if they ever attempt to have a thought about sexual desire. We are living in denial. While it does seem like a kind of peaceful rest from all the brain stuff associated with thinking I’m a sexual being, from past experience I suspect that continuing to live in denial like this ends in a kind of cataclysm for the system when the repressed part tries to break out of jail.

I am curious about gentle, neutral reframes that we can consider but I’m making it clear to my system that I’m not forcing any part to do anything. Just thinking and talking about things from a position of curiosity and I will protect them from pressure or coercion.

 

[Movingforward10]

I wonder if a reframe about grooming and responsibility for abuse might help.
In the same way the shame we feel and the secrecy we feel compelled with, all isn't ours to carry . The secrecy is the need of the abuser, the shame is that of the abuser. And I feel the same about the dangerous sexual being is that of the abuser.
So shifting that outside of you and your parts to where it belongs?

 

[arfie]

i opine that there is no such thing as, "a sexual being." my take on sexuality is that a healthy human life is more complex than sex. even my roosters have lives more complex than fertilizing the flock. even the carriers of the uber-sexual images streaming across our silver screens are not "sexual beings." that hypersexuality is purely human-made. the shreds and pieces of humanity contained in those images is buried beneath tons of powder and artifice.

 

[Rose White]

@Movingforward10 I think you’re on the right track.

@arfie perhaps I should have clarified . I didn’t mean that was my sole quality. In my mind I see humans as having many key qualities in their being, like

• intellectual being
• emotional being
• spiritual being
• physical being

Sexual being would be in that list. Not dominating it, just present. So sometimes fertilizing the flock, sometimes flapping into the tree, sometimes buddies, sometimes detective and predator control, etc.

 

[Rose White]

Thinking about

the shame we feel and the secrecy we feel compelled with, all isn't ours to carry

I do think that my rule that I’m not a sexual being is an attempt to shed shame and secrecy.

And the rise of the shame and secrecy does seem related to an old narrative that my abusers couldn’t help themselves.

And my old narrative that my abusers couldn’t help themselves is tied to my ego preventing me from the pain (discomfort?) of accepting that an individual (or two) who professed love to me before the court of the social community did things that contradict the socio-cultural definition of love.

I am glad my brain can cleanse it of emotion and speak of it in an analytical manner.

 

[Friday]

Children are NEVER sexual. Full stop & Truth in one strike.

Children are often raped. Cars are often set on fire. This does not mean that’s how they’re supposed to be experienced. It’s just what happens. Because some people? Suck. And rape kids, and destroy evidence by torching cars.

I’ve known a couple/few people who felt so PASSIONATELY abojt a burned out vehicle that? They fixed it. Replaced maybe 3/4s of the burned out hulk, to get THE car…fixed.

Most? Don’t.

If you want to? Hell yah! And get down with yo’bad’self.

The end? Is the beginning.

Be what you want to.

 

[Rose White]

@Friday I don’t understand the metaphor about fixing the burned out car and end is the beginning.

I think I understand about how you said children are never sexual full stop truth. My adult parts and my wise self do understand that in a very personal and also cultural way. I am aware that there are people who academically study the sexual development in f children and I am aware that there are people who talk about MAP’s as a kind of biological imperative. I’m am currently finding the concept of evil helpful for dealing with this again, so not so analytical that I’m allowing for the equal consideration of all sides. (Another mind f*ck.)

I don’t understand why you wrote the end is the beginning. Do you mean something like burn the shitty abusers to the ground metaphorically? May they rot in hell and stop trying to make any kind of sense of them?

 

[Rose White]

I think it’s about stopping trying to see them as human. It’s not helpful for me right now to see all sides of the story as equal. I need the abusers to be demons and to protect my soul from them. Not by me being righteous, but by getting other demons on my side to block them.