Other I am not human!

[saraemerald]

How did this devolve into a discussion about IQ?!?

I think the OP was talking about isolation st...

That's what I was thinking too.
Which, this post has me thinking. I can relate to this in some ways.
There are many things that can cause us to truly be isolated and the sting of that is definitely painful and carries on with us to adulthood.
Being misunderstood as a child with autism, abused to the point it makes you socially awkward, extreme shyness, and even being a gifted child (child genius), poverty, growing up in a cult that restricts association with "outsiders", ADHD amongst other things that can contribute to being isolated.
I think if any of us affected in this way of being extremely isolated and misunderstood by our peers is able to recognise it and where it may have stemmed, it may be easier for us to heal the wounds caused by it. It's unfortunate when this happens to a child that just wants to be loved and just wants friends. I know it has affected me even decades later. It's sad and it hurt. Hugs

 

[Friday]

I figure... If I were even 1% different from other humans? I'd be a dolphin.

Or a bonobo. But bonobos can't swim, and as a hairless beach ape, I'd rather go all in. ;)

 

[Multitudes]

That's what I was thinking too.
Which, this post has me thinking. I can relate to this in some ways.

@saraemerald, I can barely imagine how that must have been for you - I know, and remember, misunderstanding and isolation.. the sense of not belonging. I wonder if that can only have been magnified for you, living in such a structured and tight-knit community.

I've never had reason to feel a part of the wider society I was born into - never really been able to relate to much of it, nor been included.. are you still there, or did you leave?

Did you suffer a double whammy of rejection by one culture, only to be overwhelmed and then rejected by the wider one?

So many hugs back to you!

 

[mumstheword]

Oookay, I meant that to come straight after my last dumb comment, sorry! :facepalm:

It's fantastic...

Thank you! Yes I love that my son has a "scene" that he is comfortable with and treated well in.

I suspected that I may be on the spectrum and I might, slightly; but when I asked one of my mental health support people who was pretty Autie savvy, she dismissed the notion, telling me I had way too much empathy, so I put it out of mind.

I have always been a huge booky nerd. I get on well with Aspie-type fringe artsy intellectuals. My guy is possibly mildly Aspie too, he is very much a sciency nerd type (used to be a computer technician, a very Aspie-dominant trade).

I tend to avoid shallow relating. I avoid people a lot. I could just be the PTSD though. And the being smart thing.

However, I know it's passed genetically and my Dad is so Aspie it's not funny.

I do know I'm pretty guilleless, by nature, and the ability to manipulate and deceive for personal gain thing is not something I'm capable of, although I notice its success rate in the world.

 

[Multitudes]

If I were even 1% different from other humans? I'd be a dolphin.

Or a bonobo.

40% and you'd be a banana.. bonobo, banana.. :D

 

[Multitudes]

Clinicians do tend to dismiss the direction of an ASD diagnosis - especially in women, as the majority of accepted characteristics derive from mostly male subjects, dating right back to Kanner and Asperger.
Recently more women are being diagnosed, adding to the list of more female characteristics, but it's a slow process, hindered by reluctant psychologists.

I've gotta say, the more you say, the more I think it - some Aspies seem to be primarily centered in logical behavior, and some, in empathic.
We're all.. Human (Wow, I so struggled to type that).. we feel, just as anyone feels - possibly more intensely, hence shutting down and needing to recuperate alone.

Please never think that Autism means lack of empathy, it's more like slower processing speed.
Your Father sounds like a wonderful man, and I'd bet that your husband is too.

 

[Hope4Now]

I may be inclined to disagree with your placement and put neurodivergents within the Nature category, as they tend to differ by a number of <genetic> markers and so have little option but to be who their neurology makes them.

Similarly, <trauma>-induced behavior would fall on the Nurture side as 'learned'.. excepting predisposition, of course.

Your take on this, for the sake of clarifying my understanding, would be welcome.

I'll have to think this through a bit more. I find it very hard (well, impossible) to untangle the nature/nurture aspects of my experience, and I can only really speak about my own experience of what it is to be me. It gets way complicated because I am DID as well. I shall mentally munch on your take on this stuff and if I have a take, I'll get back to you!

Your use of the term, "Open heart", is interesting - are you aware of any Auties who <don't> 'Wear their heart on their sleeve', regardless of <all> hurt they've experienced?

Yes, actually, I do know folks on the spectrum who are pretty shut down in terms of open-heartedness. Though I agree that most of those I know well do "wear their heart on their sleeve" though it presents in ways that sometimes don't appear that way. In my comment, I was referring to open-heartedness for oneself. Self-compassion, if you will.

 

[Hope4Now]

Typed the above before I saw the later posts. @Friday your comment made me laugh. I think I'd like to be a bonobo. ANYWAY...this:

we feel, just as anyone feels - possibly more intensely, hence shutting down and needing to recuperate alone.
Please never think that Autism means lack of empathy, it's more like slower processing speed.
Your Father sounds like a wonderful man, and I'd bet that your husband is too.

YES. I believe this is true, against some of the "research" out there.

Since I got to know about autism around 30 years ago, I have often wondered whether I am on the spectrum somewhere. But I'm also an extreme introvert with a lot of psychological issues dating back to the beginning of my time here in this life and I suspect it would be impossible for somebody to figure it out. As it is, they can't figure me out and autism spectrum has never even been part of the soupy mix of possibilities! So I just keep slogging on looking for what helps me feel more "human" and connected and less overwhelmed by people and the noisy world.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realised, in my mid teens, that, as I was so unlike my Human peers, I must therefore be non-Human. It stuck, and I am unable to consider myself now as anything other than.. alien.

I used to refer myself as emotionally retarded to try to explain my oddities to people in the hopes that they would better understand me and accept me which caused untold hurts to me. I did this so many years ago when I first started therapy and was becoming aware of how emotionally stunted I was. As a teenager I understand why you would think such a thing about yourself going through what you were going through at the time. You were actually normal for going through what you did. I hear your pain and your loneliness. I was right there with you. How excellent that now so many years later we are free to get to know each other and support each other in removing the bad, toxic labels we used to define ourselves with. Just think about it okay?

I'd like to dip a toe into the pool of members here, maybe find that I'm not so alone.. unless I really am just as weird as they say.

You are in good company here, we all know how this feels, you fit right in. I have been reading your posts and you are wise and very kind and compassionate and thoughtful. That is the reason I recently followed you here. I love your name by the way. Take heart. We have all felt like freaks for so many years. That is sad and tragic, but here in this place we are learning how to take better care of ourselves and learn not to define ourselves in such a negative anymore.

I so understand why you thought you were a non human. But like @Ronin said, you were able to find this special and safe place so that means you fit right in with all of us. I encourage you to keep posting. I love to read your words.:hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Clinicians do tend to dismiss the direction of an ASD diagnosis - especially in women, as the majori...

I'm a very logical person too. Very thinky and very feely. My mum used to tell me "you're so like your father" and I'm glad I'm more like him than her. She is more the histrionic dishonest type person and I can abide narcassistic liars.
I always used to think (especially in relation to my mother) "why do people treat kids like they have no feelings? We probably feel things way more intensely than adults."

I learnt that Apies do have empathy, because I know my Dad feels things very deeply and he cares about me very much, he's just not always been good at communicating that, especially as my mum took me away from him, as a kid.

My Autie kid has a good heart too. And my guy has an incredibly good heart and is super smart.

 

[mumstheword]

Apies

Aspies lol :-) not Apies

 

[mumstheword]

can

That's supposed to read can't. Sorry for typos.