Relationship I Am Now A Trigger For His Ptsd

[Kintsugi]

Honestly though, I am his only friend aside from the roomie. He can't keep anyone in his life long because well, he acts like this.

And that is something he will have to work through. I know from experience, being the irrational sufferer, that enabling this behavior does not help that person work through and move past their inappropriate behavior. :(

 

[nursenurse]

Just say no. You are not his saviour. In the scheme of things, you are expendable. Look after you, keep your son away, cut all ties. I am going to sign off on this thread. You will do what you want until you hit rock bottom. Which I do not want to see you do. There is a lot of experience here, but you seem to be searching out answers that you would like to hear, and I have said my piece. With a child of any age involved, you need to cease and desist now. This is unhealthy all around. And you are worth so much more than that, if you would only search your soul. Good luck.

 

[bell]

So, in reading over the posts from the original poster, they sounded like they were written by a 15 year old. Meaning that petty stupid stuff that adds up to him treating you like crap. And you taking it.

This is your drama that you're causing, your headache. How can life with him possibly be worth all of this? Are you addicted to the drama, mayhaps?

 

[RaiAnn]

This is something I will have to work through in therapy because just walking away and cutting all ties is excruciating and he starts to makes threats and throw tantrums. I hate hearing that some people don't "want help" because I don't believe that is true, I think it's more that the fear of getting better is so overwhelming that they just can't follow through and this is what is happening to him (or they fear that they will invest a lot of time and effort into treatment and still not get any relief).

 

[Kintsugi]

I think working through this in therapy is a great idea. However, in the meantime, it is a good idea to protect yourself by at least completely ignoring this stupid stuff he's throwing at you, because it is ridiculous and unhealthy.

I don't think he does not want to get better. I just don't think you are going to help him get better by "being there for him" when he is acting inappropriately and still gaining a desired response. That is enabling him to make very bad decisions with no consequences. That's not real life, or it shouldn't be. How would you expect people to react if you acted like him in your relationships with your loved ones?

I hope you have taken a look around the forum. This sort of wild behavior should not be considered an acceptable side effect of living with PTSD or with a sufferer of PTSD, period. People here are by and large working very hard to improve their circumstances, and many supporters are in pretty stable, supportive relationships with sufferers who do not treat them badly.

Good luck, RaiAnn. I know it's hard to hear and harder to do, but I wish you the best in getting yourself away from his influence and accepting that this is best for your wellness.

 

[RaiAnn]

Spoke with one of my counselors today (I'm seeing 2 different ones each week). She said that we do need to sever ties, there's really no way around it. She suggested that I should start slowly pulling back. He continues to text me quite often, none of it really related to us but for help with his new biz venture and complaining about the VA. He's also asked for my help with getting a dining table for his house that he will make payments on (my credit is better than his). I think it's weird that he'd even ask and actually, insulting. The table is only $200, he can easily pay for it all at once on his own, much like he blew $350 on the saxophone that he decided he was going to learn to play while watching The Simpsons' marathon.

 

[RaiAnn]

So, in reading over the posts from the original poster, they sounded like they were written by a 15 year old. Meaning that petty stupid stuff that adds up to him treating you like crap. And you taking it.

This is your drama that you're causing, your headache. How can life with him possibly be worth all of this? Are you addicted to the drama, mayhaps?

I simply fell in love with someone who has been blaming all of his problems on me, the world, and his PTSD.

 

[bell]

Why would anyone want to be with someone who blamed them for their problems? In all honesty, how is that love?

 

[RaiAnn]

Why would anyone want to be with someone who blamed them for their problems? In all honesty, how is that love?

I thought it was a symptom of his many illnesses that I should be supportive of and learn to not take personally. I still think it's a symptom but from what I'm reading here, not something I just have to accept and deal with.