CrazyHorse
Gold Member
Hi all,
On friday, I handed in my MA Thesis!
I am very pround of this accomplishment! It has been some very hard last years of studying due to PTSD and my fathers long term illness and death last year. But I finaly did it. I pulled through and finished my master's degree. :)
I have been doing really well for a long time. The last five months I have been symptom free. The nightmares stopped. As did the triggering and anxeity. I have felt increasingly 'normal' every day.
In october, I hit rock bottom. My PTSD was so bad and I had to go to the hospital manily because of SI. At the hospital, I met a doctor who bacically saved my life. He was out of the ordinary that's for sure. He looked like an old Elvis and he had a really bad stutter and my first impression of him was: omg! You have got to be kidding me! What he said to me is going to fly in the face of what most of you on this forum percieve to be the healing path to PTSD, or even appropriate advice.
He said: "CrazyHorse! I know you suffer greatly from PTSD. I know how much you are struggeling with this horrible condition and I can offer you medication and more therapy here with us if that is what you want to do! But having gotten to know you, I see a strong, competent woman and I believe you can beat this. The way I think you can beat this is to get the experience that caused your PTSD away from your frontal loapes. I don't think it will be beneficial for you to keep going over and over the experience with a therapist. You have already tried that for many years, and it has not worked all that well for you. I am not saying this to diminish your experience or your condition, beacuse I am very much aware of how PTSD is affecting you, and I know it sounds like a ' yeah, easy for you to say' kind of advice, but I believe you can beat this thing by not focusing on it any longer!"
And i did think: "Yeah, SO easy for you to say!" But by he did also plant a seed of hope in my mind and a belief in my own ability to beat this thing. When I got out of the hospital, I started takeing 5htp. An herbal anti-depressive. I honestly did not expect an effect at all, but after a week or so, I noticed a massive change in my thinking patterns and mood, and from then on, it just kept getting better and better. My boyfriend and I have moved in together in a wonderful apartment. I enjoy my life immensly. I am in control of my day. How my day is going to be is no longer controlled by horrible, triggering nightmares etc.
I feel happy, I feel hopeful. I feel like I have finaly found my path to healing that I have desperatly been searching for for all these years!
On friday, I handed in my MA Thesis!
I am very pround of this accomplishment! It has been some very hard last years of studying due to PTSD and my fathers long term illness and death last year. But I finaly did it. I pulled through and finished my master's degree. :)
I have been doing really well for a long time. The last five months I have been symptom free. The nightmares stopped. As did the triggering and anxeity. I have felt increasingly 'normal' every day.
In october, I hit rock bottom. My PTSD was so bad and I had to go to the hospital manily because of SI. At the hospital, I met a doctor who bacically saved my life. He was out of the ordinary that's for sure. He looked like an old Elvis and he had a really bad stutter and my first impression of him was: omg! You have got to be kidding me! What he said to me is going to fly in the face of what most of you on this forum percieve to be the healing path to PTSD, or even appropriate advice.
He said: "CrazyHorse! I know you suffer greatly from PTSD. I know how much you are struggeling with this horrible condition and I can offer you medication and more therapy here with us if that is what you want to do! But having gotten to know you, I see a strong, competent woman and I believe you can beat this. The way I think you can beat this is to get the experience that caused your PTSD away from your frontal loapes. I don't think it will be beneficial for you to keep going over and over the experience with a therapist. You have already tried that for many years, and it has not worked all that well for you. I am not saying this to diminish your experience or your condition, beacuse I am very much aware of how PTSD is affecting you, and I know it sounds like a ' yeah, easy for you to say' kind of advice, but I believe you can beat this thing by not focusing on it any longer!"
And i did think: "Yeah, SO easy for you to say!" But by he did also plant a seed of hope in my mind and a belief in my own ability to beat this thing. When I got out of the hospital, I started takeing 5htp. An herbal anti-depressive. I honestly did not expect an effect at all, but after a week or so, I noticed a massive change in my thinking patterns and mood, and from then on, it just kept getting better and better. My boyfriend and I have moved in together in a wonderful apartment. I enjoy my life immensly. I am in control of my day. How my day is going to be is no longer controlled by horrible, triggering nightmares etc.
I feel happy, I feel hopeful. I feel like I have finaly found my path to healing that I have desperatly been searching for for all these years!
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