I Can't Leave Therapy

[Nighthawk]

I can not even describe the intensity I am having. Ill just put it as PTSD at its finest. I have wanted to leave this therapist for over a year. I have tried to on multiple occsions. I found a therapist I want to move to. I walked in strong as could be to terminate and then terror set in. I have gone through seriously trying to leave for 1 month now. Yesterday I found a link to the terror. I really hope this means I can actually walk out the door and say goodbye. Scared pathetic child needs to stop having such a strong hold over me.:banghead::banghead::banghead::cry::cry::cry:

 

[desiderata310]

Have you tried emailing to say that you want to discuss this option so that it comes up in your next session?
What are you concerned about? Rejection? Anger?
For the therapist this is a business transaction. Knowing that and KNOWING that are two different things but maybe reminding yourself can help?

 

[Nighthawk]

I want to leave. I cant leave....... The therapist is tying to help me leave. Its bloody insane Im having an insanly intense trauma response

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Nighthawk, this may seem like an overly simplified question, and you may have posted about it in another thread, but why do you want to leave? And when you say that your therapist is "trying to help me leave", do you mean that she facilitating the termination process? I ask because I made the mistake of ending a therapeutic relationship too abruptly, and I'm still dealing with the effects over two years later. Although it's not the main topic of my current therapy, the significance of that relationship does come up from time to time. I tell you this to urge you to proceed with caution, as hard as it may be. I don't know if my story will help, or raise more concerns that you never thought about, so take it or leave it. At the very least, I hope you know that you are not alone by any means!

My story is this: I had been working with my last therapist for a very long time, like over five years, closer to 10. I started seeing a really good psychiatrist in 2012 who diagnosed me with PTSD. My last T specialized in treating clients with chronic health conditions and disabilities, which I have as well, but she did not treat trauma. There was also a fair amount of of transference that we were unable to overcome due to her limited knowledge of PTSD. I was seeing another therapist through my school at that time who is my current therapist, and she does have experience with trauma. I decided to stop seeing my previous therapist without any closure because I did not want to prolong the inevitable because saying goodbye would produce difficult emotions that I did not have the ability to work through at the time. Biggest mistake ever, and I have so many regrets. I wrote her a letter, but we didn't discuss how much she helped me or what I would miss if we no longer worked together. All things I wish I could go back and talk to her about, and maybe I will have that chance in the future, but not having the proper closure really hindered my healing.

What's my point in saying all this? Closure and termination is a process, and even though there is an end, there is no timeline in my opinion. Take it at your own pace, and you will know when the time is right; when you can walk away from your current therapist with no unresolved emotions, second-guessing, or regrets. I hope this helps; I'll be thinking of you. Please be gentle with yourself!

 

[Nighthawk]

@HollyBeans27

Ypur above drove me into tears as I think part of the fear towards leaving is linked to one of my therapists moving. It took me 3 years to get over losing him. To answer your questions I do want to leave and have wanted for a long time. I just cant seem to do it. So now my therapist is going to help me with what she calls healthy closure. There seems to be a big trigger involved. I have chosen to take it slow. The new therapist has asked to speak to this one and its like i feel like I need to protect myself or her. I am so very confused. But will continue working towards leaving.

 

[Abstract]

You sound like you have 2 amazing therapists. Good luck. It sounds like important work you are doing!

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Nighthawk

I had a feeling my story would bring some emotions to the serface. I hope it facilitated some positive release for you. Thank you for trying to answer my question. It's good that you' and your current therapist are working toward healthy closure. Have the two of you discussed what healthy closer looks like? Can you defined that for me? I am still wondering why your relationship needs to end in the first place? What's your reasoning for seeking a new therapist? (Again, you may have posted why before, but I am not familiar with your situation).

I also want you to remember that you have a choice, that you are in control of your treatment! So, if you don't want to leave yet, you don't have to. If you want to but can't as you say, try making a transition plan. Like begin seeing the new therapist but see your current one on a monthly basis for three months or something to that effect. It is essential that both therapists speak to each other for a smooth transition to occur. And the first issue your address with your new therapist should be the relationship with your old one. What you are afraid you lost and how she can help fill that void, in a healthy way, within boundaries of course. I know it's confusing, but identifying the reason why you can't leave is such a big step. Also identifying what you want from the new relationship might make ending the current one bearable. I'm in school to become a counselor, so I don't mind problem-solving with you on this thread or through PM if you would like. Please keep us posted, you can do this!

 

[Nighthawk]

Well this therapist and I have been stuck for a long time. I also get very triggered by DBT. She has moved as far out of her specialty for as long as she ccould but is trying to force DBT on me again. Im just not willing to go there. So based on being stuck and not wanting to work with a dbt therapist I kinda need to leave.

 

[Abstract]

I think I might have read something about this before. Is this the therapist that ceased therapy with you via text? Is the radically open DBT t that wanted you to do group? Am I getting this muddled?

 

[Nighthawk]

@Abstract this is the therapist prior to that mess. So I guess yes your a little muddled. The one you mentioned above is the reason I think im stressing about leaving.

 

[joeylittle]

but is trying to force DBT on me again. Im just not willing to go there.

Can I ask, what is it about DBT that keeps you from wanting to try it? I'm guessing you maybe had a bad experience with it in the past...but DBT skills training can take many different forms, and there may be a form that you find useful.

I'm just wondering if it's a bad experience, or what you think it is, or...? (No pressure to answer, BTW).

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Nighthawk, I was primarily struck by your last sentence, how you spoke of your "scared pathetic child" needing to stop having such a strong hold over you. Maybe trying to ask this scared child self -- who is not pathetic -- what s/he needs and what s/he is scared of, in a way that is compassionate, non-judgmental and validating, might help? Might clarify why some of this is so triggering, and what is needed to push through?

As I just said in another post, helluva lot easier said than done! I am just trying to recognize when I am having those self-invalidating thoughts, and trying to replace them with more validating self-talk (but only to the extent that I really, truly believe the new way of thinking.) Self-compassion is extremely hard for me, but I'm trying. I recognized a piece of myself in how you spoke of the child self.

Idk, @Nighthawk, maybe none of this resonates with you, but that's what stood out for me. Good luck!