I think you would help your recovery dealing with what your family did to you, sounds they did a number that hit you deep, and then everything else people did to you personally.
Cut abusive environment like job to the most you can, too.
Once that's sorted? *Then* worry about societal evils and the big causes.
Not saying it to diss you either...
The closest to home, oldest, most unresolved, most aching? Worst weapon against you, and/or to make you one, against those you hold dear.
Therapy ain't for pussies that wanna wallow in nothing. It helps people be stronger. Against their fears, most of all. Good schtuff, that.
I understand. Yet there is NO therapy. No health care. No support groups. No job. Not a single friend. No money. No income.
I get banned on quora, reddit etc. I worked through tons of stuff already.
I know everyone is always meaning to be helpful. I have realized it is not just me in a dying town of 16000.
Saying "get help", therapy whatever... is impossible... for half of people. It does not exist or is so bad that it is worse than none. Competent pychologist can book in April. A life coach made an appt, and called me back and said she "did not want to hurt me" by seeing me. Too much trauma. A physio would essentially not see me in person. Kept trying to calm me down. When all I wanted and needed was to get her to feel my back and sides and tell me if it was stress and inflammation or injury (that is better 2 months later.) I am actually much better. The 12 steps in this area. NA and AA have like a dozen members total. I tried volunteering. It triggered me worse.
I have books. All the best books. Pete Walker and so on. I almost am calm enough to deal with that. I was almost murdered in May. In a pysch ward. I should never have been in. The week I sold my house, because my brother told a judge I was going to kidnap his kids. I did go to 2 addiction groups at the hospital. I tried to file a police report here by phone. They would not let me talk to an officer. 19 minutes on the phone and a swat team and ambulance. No lie. I told them to go away, I don't want to go to the hospital. They went away.
My life is hell, but better, but I am a mess. There literally is no therapy. No possibility of it until I move. See a real estate agent this week.
Now... I have been told to "get help" online amd in person maybe 200 times in 6 months. When there is no help. I have a dog. I can't risk a 72 hour hold. Apparently after calming down for 21 months in a row, people think I need a pysch hold. And I think... I could not talk in March 2018 or remember February.
It sucks because so many people are like me. Saying. Get help or therapy is like really triggering. I understand, I used to do it. Now I understand, how delicate that is, because many have no options. They are in a PTSD forum like this because this is the ONLY place there is to go. I tried everything. And got much recovery.
I mostly did deal with my rage and family crap. Tried to start "living" but this city, I am only in because I literally could not drive any further and just wanted anywhere I could buy a cheap house and not be in literally FLIGHT.... in a car with everything I own. But in too much trauma and pain to drive.
Then the province would not give me a health card for 2 months. Because I bought my house with no mortgage. And no job. I needed an electric bill that took 2 months. I stopped to get immediate health care. Denied. A deed and a passport, every ID you could imagine. Only one document with my address. I had to wait 2 months. If I had debt or a job. Would have got it right away. 8/9/10 visits to government office. Every single one a new PTSD episode. Lost my faith in Canada completely. They want me dead, really. And anyone that is not "normal" or wealthy.
All this enraged me. Now... truly, I fear a massive war, and I realize everything sucks and no one cares. Idiocracy will get us this war. I was so lonely. Now more ok with aloneness. I fled to safety and got more abused, while doing or trying to do everything right. I was not even poor. Now house poor, but not poor.
If you are poor... you are f*cked. Completely in this world. No one cares. It is awful. I care. What is wrong with everything? I should say f*ck everything. But I care even more, to fix what I can. Or I fully lose faith in humanity. I should be the leader of a country. I don't want to be. But I give a f*ck. So like this politics and talk seems awfully likely to happen. If it quacks like a Hitler, and that many people want it, and no one stops it. Then it will happen. My family are malignant narcs. Reality does not stop them, they just lie. They break every rule. No one stops them. You try, they get the police to lock you up in a place where the doctors and nurses are more dangerous then the patients. Been a forensic pysch ward? I had my house closed. A week away from freedom. Happy with plans. 43 hours later of a 72 hour hold, having seen pure evil in a male nurse who is likely a serial killer.
This since June.
