I Don't Fit In Anywhere

[Tinyflame]

In my humble opinion. If you don't fit in here, no one does.

I'm glad you're here.

Me too.

It's ok to be different. :hug: :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Ps, you are my kind of different. Special. :inlove: :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm in shock right now.

I make a post cuz I'm freaking out about not fitting in anywhere and I am told that I wasn't liked from day one. I'm sorry but I cannot wrap my head around how this is support, no matter how much I try. I understand that it's about only taking what you want here but this goes too far IMHO. I don't understand the need to point this out to me. Why does the ignore button have cooties so nobody seems to want to use it? It seems pretty straightforward to me. If you don't like someone you put them on ignore. You don't wait until they're freaking out to tell them that you haven't liked them from day one.

It's sad how I got lots of awesome support but now my mind is freaking out because of one response from someone who hasn't liked me from the day I joined.

 

[aut555]

Feeling sad about that message too. It seem to defeat the whole purpose of this site. Why they felt the need to post that when we are all wondering if you are ok?

 

[Friday]

@EveHarrington ... I think you might want to take some space & reread that post. Not overly fond at first transitioning into deeply respecting & admiring you? Believing that if you don't fit in here, no one does? That isn't haven't liked you from day 1. That was a post all about how Eve rocks, with only a teeny tiny piece that could be taken badly, that you're focusing on. Disqualifying the positive is something I do, too. Compliments sting. But when you've got some space? Try reading it, again.

 

[Iamsensative]

I totally understand that feeling.EveHarrington I have never felt I belonged anywhere. Trying desperately to connect at some level with people. I know that my feelings started very young 5-6, I realize that this was not my fault it was our caregivers who made us feel this way. As an adult, still struggling to believe my wonderful adult son's care for me or that my wife really wants me. It's in my mind, they are with me, I have given them love and support but yet for some reason, we don't believe, we are flawed, different know one ever really wants us. I struggle with this even after 7 yrs in counseling. Hang in and believe you are truly unique, worthy and needed. Connection is tough, but we all, can get past that internal feeling of not belonging anywhere. Be easy on yourself.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Friday Thank you. Exactly.

@EveHarrington I'm so sorry it came across that way to you. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel worse.

 

[Nevermore]

@EveHarrington i don't really fit in either in the wider world. My friends are few these days and I live alone. I used to hate living alone in the beginning but now I kind of like it.
I don't think I used to feel this way, but I have found since the onset of cptsd that the misunderstandings of others hurt too much, especially invalidation. Most people around me did not understand cptsd - nor did I until it happened to me!
But Also with cptsd my mind was always jumping to the highest worst possibility.
I did not trust people any more - so maybe things I could have taken with a grain of salt once were now like mountains of sharp ice!
I think when you've suffered this kind of wound to the psyche it becomes really important to be discerning about who you are around - and sometimes it's just easier to isolate.
but we are human! We need to feel a sense of belonging!
I don't know how to work it out either, just wanted to say you're not on your own with this.

 

[Dana1010]

The worst part about not belonging anywhere for me is the why of it all. With all this time locked out and isolated, you get to really meditate on why the humans you see around you get on with their peers. And I'll tell you, it's some superficial shit. It's gotten to the point where if you handed me a large group of "supportive" friends on a platter, I could give a f*ck. The depression isn't so much caused by being left out, it's knowing why people are left out -- the things that relationships hinge on.

 

[joeylittle]

It's sad how I got lots of awesome support but now my mind is freaking out because of one response from someone who hasn't liked me from the day I joined.

Two things - one, it's good you can recognize that it's sad for you to disqualify the positive. Can that be a step on the way to retraining yourself to accept the positive? Even if you don't agree with it, just accepting it as a thing that happened would be a good step.

I think you might want to take some space & reread that post. Not overly fond at first transitioning into deeply respecting & admiring you? Believing that if you don't fit in here, no one does? That isn't haven't liked you from day 1. That was a post all about how Eve rocks, with only a teeny tiny piece that could be taken badly, that you're focusing on.

I bolded the bit I wanted to emphasize, though the whole statement is good.

"Hasn't liked me from the day I joined" indicates that you believe "from the day I joined, til now, doesn't like me"

That's not what was said.

We are all going to rub each other wrong sometimes - on this site and in the world. I cannot think of a single person in my life who hasn't rubbed me wrong, at some point in time. And frankly - that's not about them, it's about me. That's the other part that I think you are missing. @Neverthesame "not being overly fond of you at first" honestly isn't about you - it's about @Neverthesame, and whatever was going on for them in whatever moments they were encountering you.

When people rub me the wrong way, it's not because of them. Sure, I could identify the traits they are exhibiting that are bugging me - but those traits don't bug me on every single day. They bug me sometimes, when I'm feeling X or Y or Z. And on other days, it doesn't get to me at all.

I'm the one who is being affected - they aren't affecting me.

And when I rub people wrong - and oh, I do - I cannot take that on myself. All I can do is look at my behavior, and see if there's something there that I would like to change. If I'm OK with what I'm doing - then whatever they think just doesn't matter - because it's on them.

I've gotten a really big glimpse into this since becoming Admin here, and it was f*cking hard at first. Still is, sometimes. I am keenly aware that there are members here who I rub the wrong way. I think saying they are not overly fond of me would be an understatement. They tell me, they tell each other, etc. I actually identify very, very well with what you are saying, and specifically regarding this forum.

But I am not responsible for inciting their response. If I know I was doing my best to do the right thing/be helpful/challenge/whatever - then that's all I can do.

I think you're a great member. You make real contributions to the site. I wish you could let yourself hear the acceptance coming at you in this thread, and take it in. I hope you can understand that you are only responsible for your own reactions, and others are responsible for theirs.

 

[sedna]

Eve , especially with cptsd having a triggered response to feeling rejected is common. People are sometimes in danger phyically or emotionally when we think people care when they actually font.
It makes us hyper vigilant.That can maje us look paranoid and demanding.
That can make us feel hopeless and depressed.
What I see here is a lot if support on this thread, Friday took the time to relate a kipling poem to your feelings and type it in, and very honestly
NeverTheSame ' s post was what made me feel the most comforted.

But he wasnt talking to me or about me, I felt comforted because I know that Ive offended people in posts here, I know its hard to be totally vulnerable and anonymous at the same time, when your'e developing an attachment to the community here as a safe place.

You're not afraid to say what you think or feel, even though it may create more feelings of isolation for you, thats a strong quality and worth respect. I saw warmth and acknowledgement of your integrity in NeverTheSame's comment, Im not sure why you didnt.

I've dumped friends and fired therapists over nothing more than a quick judgment call over their intentions and trust issues. Usually Im wrong but cant stop myself. We all feel alone Eve, thats why we're here.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@EveHarrington I think you have been triggered by what @Neverthesame said, and took it totally the wrong way. I agree with @Friday and @joeylittle completely. Take a step back and reread that post. Hang in there, whatever you are grappling with right now will pass.