Relationship I Don't Know What To Do.

[Eleanor]

Sarah Lee - This may sound harsh but it is meant with love - The problem is not him, it is you - but not in the way you think. He is a non-starter on the relationship front (IMO). AND you are firmly in the grip of a few really really unhealthy and self defeating "stories" or thought patterns. Until you change these it is very very likely that you will continue to attract (and be attracted to) abusive and manipulative men like this guy and your ex. Please please please find a good T and work on believing that you can and should protect yourself - that you deserve an honest and trustworthy and supportive partner. What you describe as "weakness" is, perhaps, more accurately described as an incredibly strong compulsion to self-injure. You are obviously very bright, articulate and capable. You could do this one little thing, change your phone number, to protect yourself with great ease - you undoubtedly do fifteen far more difficult things before lunch every day. And yet... you crave what? so much that you will not do it, because it would make it obvious that you have a compulsion to contact this guy who treats you (and other women too, apparently) to horribly. So, you need more than support on a website - you need someone who can help you stop abusing YOURSELF.

Please please please get help with this. You don't deserve to suffer AND worse to be the agent of your own suffering and to give someone else the opportunity to do wrong.

Bear is totally right - there are good men out there. And you need to be a good and healthy woman to WANT one enough to attract one.

 

[ProudWife99]

I completely agree with Eleanor. He has his own problems, but the problem of why your relationship continues to follow these patterns may be found in you.

I hope you can trust me when I say I have been there. I dated jerk after unbelievable jerk, all the while thinking that I must really suck as a girlfriend because I kept running into the same problem. When I met and married my husband, I realized that I really THOUGHT of myself as deserving such crap, so I accepted it and sometimes even looked for it.

There is a reason you seem to feel stuck in an unhealthy cycle. As Eleanor, out of love and caring we ask you to seek help for yourself and your own feelings. His, at this point, are of little value to me. It is you I care about. Consider future you asking this of yourself, as it will only help you.

Peace to you, Sarah Lee!