I Dont Know What To Do....

[UnKnown-Self]

@lostforgottensoul

Get yourself a female therapist.

You might not think so but with your thought process, that's what you need. I'm 57 and I know if I go to a male therapist, I won't be able to fully trust because a part of me will always be waiting for the moment the line is crossed. Men = Sex = Power in my brain That is not a good thing in situations where it is not appropriate. That sex = power is not a good thing.
Find a female therapist and take that thought process out of the equation. You'll be able to work on yourself better. It seems you might be actually avoiding working on yourself. I've been there, it's difficult to see that someone else might be doing the same.

Just my opinion based on my own experience.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@void i could but its not him starting the sex talk, its me. And when i first back off the forceful seductions he said something like 'if you are looking at me to keep you from talking about sex, im not that person' and i dont think, at the moment, unless he holds strong to the boundries (kind of like my therapist did or would still if i was still coming onto him) i dont think it would be 100% sex free.

It was for a while and i had a bad day and started it again and then for the first time he recepicated it.

Its not even the sex talk, cuz that we could work out and talk out...its this child porn thing that has me in a complete mind f*ck. I get he didnt take the pictures, and he has ine of the dude's book and i sure hope it doesnt have any of those pics. He doesnt seem intrested in porn and said he sees it like nudest...so i dont know.

Nudest are adults, they have a choice, children dont.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Get yourself a female therapist.

Changing therapist alone wont happen, took me 7 yrs to build up trust and if i cant stand to have a female MD i surely wont be able to be in a room alone w/ a female, females terrify me. My therapist is fine. He doesnt codone sex talk, but my due to my past, its just what i do. Im also very isolated w/o friends, w/o family, w/o anyone...therfore he was hoping this was gonna be a way for me to leaen how to interact w/o sex. You cant avoid males in life. And my seductions arent gender specific anyway, tho im heterosexual, b/c of my my mother and both of them had me do to her and females so once that switch gets turned on, unless you arent a gender, it will happen. Stronger w/ males but ive done it to my fair share of females. When it was you "job" your whole life its hard to turn it off.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

will always be waiting for the moment the line is crossed.

After about the first few months i wasnt even trying w/ my therapist, after the first 4 yrs i trusted him, now i fully 100% trust him w/ everything and anything and he gets told everything. My brain doesnt even go there except at night and he knows about that...i make up like a fake movie in my head like, for instance, my therapist saved me from my past and raised me as his own...him b/c i trust him fully, and it makes me feel safe. Not always but sometimes that automatically turns sexual but he says thats normal and i dont even say anything sexual wise and when i was describijg the seductions to him and he said "stuff like intercourse?" i got embarrased...and im almost 35 lol.

I see my therapist like a stand in dad now.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Alice.in.Wonderland please dont see me as fighting your suggestion. I know its coming from a caring place. I just cant change therapists. I had to be forced into therapy to begin w/ and theres no way in hell i could start all over building trust w/ another one and no way it will be female...i would bever trust her. My psychristrist is female and she scarea the f*ck out of me that i run out of her door. Im only in there long enough for her to write a script and i jerk it off the desk and acrually run.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I guess i have daddy AND mommy issues...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Im not gonna be able to link him to a definition of child porn as when you google define child pornogrphy you get "child pornography as any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (someone under 18 years of age)." And he's gonna say a family nude with their children isnt sexually explicit.

BUT if Facebook made my step mom take down and threaten the law on her for accidently not cropping out her first's great grandson's penis, as a 2 week old newborn, getting a bath...then i can have issues w/ this.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

He does have a nudist point (though i still dont codone) but look at this shit (it doesnt show anything, its just an ABC article:

"According to Florida's Department of Children and Families, there are no specific rules or policies on children at nudist camps or resorts, so children taking part in the lifestyle at nudist camps is not illegal." (But it f*ckING SHOULD BE!)

http://abcnews.go.com/US/growing-nudist-naked-childhood/story?id=16268502

Im sure its illegal to take pics of them and sell it tho!

 

[Sideways]

And I think that you're across the idea that sometimes parents give the green light for their kid to do things that aren't necessarily in the kid's best interest...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well i sent 'the message' back. Lets see how or even if he responds. I did tell him that my brain, automatically is now not making a distiction between him and them. I told him my view on it, that i would never be ok with it, and that no one is in a legal nudist colony taking pictures and putting them in books and the internet for the world to see. I told him that likely my 9 yr old pics & videos are likely still being sold on the deep web. I told him that if he sees that as ok, then how do i know he doesnt swe that part of my past as ok? Ive had pictures taken sitting on a towel too, "non-sexual" ones sold to pedophiles. I told him that i dont feel safe with him anymore, or at least right now, and i told him that any future discussions, if there are any, need to get back on topic and away from sex and that i knew i waa the one thay pulled it that way but now im pulling it back.

 

[joeylittle]

Basically im going to tell him im not scolding, but im stating fact (maybe linking to sites to define child porn)

Advice: move the conversation back to DBT. Because really, him hearing what you said as 'scolding' is a good example of him making an assumption about you judging him, when in fact you weren't. You can talk about how to read things as neutral, non-judgmentally, without emotional response. That's a DBT thing.

And just stop the argument/conversation/point-making about pornography entirely.

At this point, one of three things will be true: either he's been truthful this whole time, and you and he stumbled into this online sexual relationship together, and he will also be interested in discontinuing it and getting back to friendship;

Or, he's now more interested in sex than DBT, and he will want to drive the conversation back that way, and you can deal with the fact that he's not respecting your boundary;

Or, he is a predator and was interested in having an online sexual relationship from the start of your private communications.

Reading your account - personally, my opinion is that he was aroused from the outset. I don't think you've been in an honest relationship, and like many online relationships, I think it's run its course.

I did write on my bio (below my past as non graphic as possible and a quick run through) that i dont know how to connect to people without sex but that i am trying and wanting to learn and that was written before any threads or posts so its not like its a suprise to anyone.

There's a difference between honesty and reinforcement. If you continue to describe yourself as a person who only knows how to connect through sex, then you are just doubling down on old beliefs. And on the internet, which can be a very sexually charged place (anonymity, instant gratification) - telling people about your sexual history in your profile is really just not safe. Especially on a broad-based mental health site where there are also areas for sex and porn addiction.

I know that with trauma, we can easily fall into describing ourselves as who we were, or who our traumas made us to be - and that's a fine topic for threads. Your profile doesn't need to cling to your old ideas about yourself - it can be a place to practice shaping new, neutral ideas.

 

[Klo]

and i know people on here warned

I didn't try to warn you so that I could come back and say "told you so" or any asshat thing like that. I tried to warn you so that if it took this sort of turn, you would have our voices (all the people here who were concerned) in your mind, having your back, encouraging you to trust your gut and validating you. I've gotten myself into hotter messes than this, so I know how it can be.

From what I gather reading your post, this guy has (predictably) been baiting you into going against your therapist's advice, then he deliberately triggered you with child porn stuff, which was in no way relevant to anything, then wanted to argue with you about why he thinks it's fine (grooming), and then when you have a normal pump-the-breaks reaction, he tries to guilt trip you by telling you that he is getting all triggered being "scolded" for looking at minors naked.

Like there is just so much wtf in there I'm not even sure how to sum it all up, beyond the fact that to me it's very obvious that he is deliberately triggering you and is also manipulative.

Like I said, predator written all over it.

Please continue to trust your gut and tell your therapist everything. It could very well be that you are confronting something with all of this, perhaps part of the reason you are compelled to keep talking to him, and I hope your therapist can help you with it.