Relationship I Dont Know Where To Go

[Sandi7]

My boyfriend is suffering from PTSD. He doesn't think he has it but the Army thinks he does, his brother (who has it) thinks he does, as does his ex wife and his dad. Three months ago he came back from deployment and we moved in together. Within a few days he also got his three year old daughter for five weeks. I have two sons, ages 8 and 10. The transition was not the smoothest, we fought quite often. Usually over little things. The entire time he was positive, told me to be patient, that we would adjust. Monday, he drove his daughter back to KY after having her two weeks (shes in KY, we are in MI). He called at 6pm and said he was on his way home. We got into a disagreement over text at around 9 pm (over something stupid). He never came home. Instead he went to his dad's house. Tuesday afternoon he came home and told me he loves me but he isn't enough for me, he isn't good at this, he wants to be deployed, said he's not comfortable in our house (which is odd because he always said he loved it, that he loved living together). He took his dog and left. Yesterday while I was at an appt with my son, my bf came home and got a few uniforms, some civilian clothes, his xbox, toothbrusth, alarm clock and a doll his daughter left here. Everything else is still here. His tools, clothes, military records, gifts he bought for Christmas, coats, the rest of his uniforms, his TV.everything. He will not answer my calls or texts. I don't know what to do. I dont know where we stand. Is this the PTSD or is he done?

 

[bell]

1. He just came home from deployment 3 months ago. They say it takes up to at least a year to adjust (and a lot of soldiers aren't back a full year before they deploy again, so it's a really messed-up system) from deployment, so at 3 months he's still adjusting.

2. Give him time to cool down, which means (I know it's hard) backing off on the texting/calling. As in, stopping. For now. Give it a few days and see if you hear from him. Hard, I know, but giving him time to think about it will result in the best outcome for both you and him.

3. The fact that he didn't take all his things is a good sign that he doesn't intend to leave forever.

 

[nursenurse]

How long have you been seeing him?

 

[arfie]

If I was able to keep my either/or's straight, I would not have PTSD. Perhaps I should say, "When I am able..." because I don't like to believe PTSD is all there is to me.

I have run away from my intensely caring husband more than once in the 33 years he has supported my recovery. A couple of times to the Southern Hemisphere. In fact, I am currently living in a studio apartment about a mile away from our family home. We have come to believe our partnership is bigger than an address.

Wish I had easy answers, Sandi. If love was easy, everybody would do it.

 

[kahlan]

Bell and scout said it better than I ever could. Let him have his space, its hard not knowing, but he needs it. The adjustment period is hard for them coming back, and getting told he has PTSD on top of it might be too much for him to handle right now.

Focus on you and your kids, occasionally (and briefly, don't expect a reply) let him know you
care. Taking care of yourself and those kids is what's most important right now, he needs to figure out what's best for him.