I Don't Understand "brave"

[Mafasu]

Does anyone else want to scream " stop f*cking telling me I'm brave!!!! "
It feels and sounds so ungrateful that I just want to tear the heads of people who tell me I'm brave. What the hell does that even mean???? I don't even understand What people mean by 'be kind to yourself'..
I am not brave.! I have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other......I can't stop the world and get off whilst this shit is going on around me and to me no matter how hard I've tried.
I tried suicide 3 times in my past....it didn't bloody work! It was NOT a cry for help ....I really DID want to die.
More horrible stuff has happened to me since then but I have seen what suicide does to the people left behind.....I can't do that to other people.
When I nursed a dying parent I was told I was brave...When I did the eulogy at my sisters funeral I was told I was brave...NO I AM NOT....I had NO choice but to do it!!!
I keep being told I am brave when people see things that aren't even CLOSE to the life of sexual misconduct I've lived through, which they have no idea about btw.
I am not brave....I couldn't even get suicide right!!!! And I can't put other people through the stuff that happens after someone has killed themselves......so I am stuck on this GODDAMNED earth whether I want to be here or not. So just because you see me and I am still compus mentus...it doesn't mean I am brave!
People have no choice what they live through and they have no choice about staying alive.....that is not bravery...that is just how life is!

Sorry....of my rant. What do people mean by brave when you have had no choice in any of it?....you just live through it?
I really don't know

 

[Ojij]

It feels and sounds so ungrateful that I just want to tear the heads of people who tell me I'm brave.

Why does it sound ungrateful?

I understand you don't feel brave. Have you tried telling someone that when they tell you you are brave. Just a simple "I don't feel brave. I'm just doing what I have to."? Maybe that will help them understand.

 

[Ikes]

Does it feel like pressure or an expectation you have to now live up to?

 

[Mafasu]

It's ungrateful because it seems to be the thing that people just say to try to express sympathy or whatever. Its that 'I have to say something " awk...[/QUOTE]

 

[Mafasu]

That didn't work, sorry first time here in this anonymous forum, not for the hang of replying it would seem

 

[Utego]

You are correct. People say those things to express sympathy.

 

[Mafasu]

It's that "I have to say something" awkward empathy that makes me feel awful for wanting to ram it down their necks. In don't want people awkward on my behalf. But if they knew me they would know that I can't abide fake sympathy. I would rather they say nothing.

In think yes, it is pressure and it marks it sound like I want to do all this stuff....that I am trying to keep a typical stuff upper lip.
It makes me feel even more isolated because if they really knew me then they would know that what they see is a front that isn't the real me....no one sees "me" for who I really am inside. No one takes the time or bother to really say anything other than glib little cracks like 'oh ,you are brave "
I once say that I'm not brave....but you just get the reply " well I couldn't have done it" and they move on. One of my abusers overheard that comment and I got in trouble for drawing attention to myself by not being the "good little Sunday school girl" that everyone knows and answering back.

 

[Epa]

Why do you think it is fake sympathy? Could it be sincere? How can anyone know the real you if you say nothing? Could it be that no one sees the real you because you hide the real you? And then get angry because it works?

 

[Mafasu]

It's a fake because they are people who never bothered having anything to do with me at all before. The way they shuffle their feet and look at the floor tells me it is all too awkward and they don't even want to be there. I know how to read people and all their body language tells me it's a "don't engage me in conversation coz I don't know what to say" moment.
They can't get away fast enough to go and relax with the people they are comfortable with.
They wouldn't believe me if they knew the real me anyway. The drawing concept of bravery is a stupid one anyway...it's not like I've run into a burning building to save someone's life....there is nothing honourable about the way I am or things that draw these awkward glib comments.

 

[Mafasu]

The drawing concept of bravery

sorry -That should have been "the whole concept of bravery"

 

[Mafasu]

I meant I feel ungrateful for wanting to shove it down their necks, not that they sound ungrateful saying it....not sure I was clear with my meaning in the first post.

 

[Unil]

Misdirected anger... shooting the messenger. I agree with the poster who suggests that there is an alternative way to view the remarks rather than "sympathy".

I prickle even here when posters reply to me with "I'm sorry" or "that's terrible" or "how awful/unfair [blah, blah, blah] that those things happened to you. THAT to me is "sympathy" and not helpful at all. At least "brave" has a bit more potential for being helpful.