I Don't Want To Have Cptsd - Wait, Complex Trauma

[Shellbell]

I feel trapped as well. I am a mother of two children and I feel like I cannot deal with everything from my past and all the hurt and pain, and be a Mum and Wife too.

I do understand and I am listening. I know your pain.

 

[LSNP]

Yes. My parents. My boyfriends. My stalker. My ex. Layer upon layer upon layer upon layer. I get it. I understand. Perhaps had the early experiences been better, the later ones would have had less power. I am certain this is true.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I left my city and it did help but never solved some issues. I feel safer away from the abuses of that town. Whether it is a false feeling of security. I do not know. I have no regrets.

My work on rehabilitation has continued and it is 6 years now since I removed myself from one of the places I was abused. I also set up a support system and a lot of my family live where I moved. it made perfect sence at the time. Do not leave without having a plan and support in place. Please Do not isolate!

 

[Shellbell]

The pain and damage of the early experiences is bad enough, but then to have - as you said - layer upon layer of further damage and destruction feels like an unbearable load. Sometimes it is too much for me as well.

I know how trying to hold it together for our children and our lives we still have be living in, whilst dealing with this hell, feels beyond possible some days. The only way I'm eliviating any of this is by numbing.

I moved, I emigrated to the other side of the world. It does make me feel a bit safer, but it hasn't taken the torment of the memories away.

 

[Abstract]

"What I am learning.... ... is that there is no way out but through ... I do not want to revisit it. I like to pretend nothing ever happened but it is getting harder and harder to do that.

LSNP,

I too am very sorry for your pain. I don't know your story but I can hear your despair. I don't have children and cant imagine doing this and being a parent. I had to stop work and am now doing very little and in as close to a no- stress environment as possible. I felt like you before that. That something was going to crack. I urge you to see if there is any further help for you in terms of practical help and reduced stress load. I assumed there were no options but found that was not true. I fear you are in danger of a breakdown and if that happens your children and life will be much more affected.

I was attracted to the thread because the title is something I say to myself all the time. I could easily have written the part I quoted above. I hate it and spend most of my time in a full scale war with myself that really isn't very pretty.

Please see if you can dredge up the ability to think and see if you can take some of outside pressures off.