General I Drink Wine And Cry

[Glara]

He stopped texting, but he asks for picture texts. I miss him and I'm very worried, When he told me about his ptsd he told me he thinks about suicide, but denied a plan. Now he's cut me off and I don't know what to do. All I do is cry and drink wine.

 

[Go Hungry]

That's terrible. But I can say from experience that the drinking is only going to make things worse. Being a depressant, alcohol actually retards some of your higher thinking processes which would help you cope with this stuff.

Oh, and welcome to the forums.

 

[WillyKat]

Go Hungry is absolutely right. I quit alcohol, not because I had any kind of addiction, but because it sent me into a death spiral.

About your friend…sometimes we need a lot of space. It's as if interaction of any kind is nothing but a bunch of triggers. My advice would be to tell him what you told us: that you're worried, don't know what to do, that you want to give him space but also want to be there for him.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Put the cork back into the bottle. With PTSD things take time. We have to consider safety, trust, intimacy and self esteem. In addition for me I am moody and I don't want to talk to anyone. A pleasant stretch and than isolation. It depends what is triggering him. Getting meds to work takes time. It just takes time all of it.

 

[Glara]

Thanks, I did tell him. He's barely keeping in touch, but he is keeping on touch. It's just so hard because there's absolutely nobody I can talk to. Even if there was someone I wouldn't want to because he's so private about it.

 

[KwanYingirl]

When you say there is absolutely no one you can talk to, have you tried and didn't get what you needed? You can talk to us anytime.

 

[WillyKat]

I think the main thing that has to happen is for him to get some professional help. He probably knows that, but is afraid like we all were before we went and did it. You may want to let him know that *he's* not alone and that he's not the only one suffering here. If you think it wise, let him know about this site (or maybe myCombatPTSD if that's a better fit).

Meanwhile, you need to take care of yourself too; this isn't all your responsibility.

 

[Glara]

He is in therapy and on meds. He became very sick with pneumonia and that seemed to trigger him. He recovered from the pneumonia weeks ago but everything changed with he and I. When I confronted him about it he became very defensive and answered very inappropriately. It was a few days after that he told me about the ptsd and why he had it. Now he's been getting worse each day. It's probably worse since he told me. I'm too far away to do anything. We had plans to travel to see each other but I can't do that now, while he's like this. He texts often on weekends to see if I'm going out or on a date. And he keeps asking for text pictures of me. But there's no other communication. It's killing me. We dated when we were young and reconnected about 6 years ago through social media. He had these issues back them as well but never told me.

 

[WillyKat]

That's good news that he's getting treatment. Take that to the bank. I have a better idea now of what's going on for you.

Consider the possibility that the "getting worse each day" is part of the healing process. It does get worse, in a sense, once you start dealing with the issues. Being conscious of the multiple facets of PTSD blows out any other thoughts and feelings you have, sucks every ounce of energy you have, and overwhelms your tolerance of outside stimuli, including loved ones.

It's entirely possible that the reason he's unresponsive and literally and figuratively remote is because he's mentally busy. Therapy and recovery can be absolutely exhausting to the point you just want to sit and mentally fight the battles going on in your head. Anyone coming along wanting to interact can be irritating.

I hope this makes sense to you. If you don't mind, my advice would be to offer encouragement and to let him know that he can reach you when he's ready, on his terms. For now anyway. Try to see this phase of his recovery as positive, though I know it sure doesn't look like it.

I know that puts a strain on you. Hang in there!

 

[Glara]

Thanks, it's really hard to understand. That's why I joined this forum. Anything that can help me try to understand what in his head is greatly appreciated. Although I know I will never really understand. I was clueless 2 weeks ago. I really, really appreciate it,

 

[scaredsilly]

I drink wine and cry too. And I have a feeling I'm going to be doing that for a long time.

 

[Glara]

Still very little contact. Sometimes I get a text that says "hi". Occasionally some casual conversation text, and I hope it means more contact, and then nothing. Sigh.