I Feel Childish When I Say This, But I Just Want To Cry

[snappy_turtle]

I'm in such a state of disarray. It's like I just can't handle these last few days of regular everyday actions. Just sitting here at work is feeling like too much for me to handle and I can't take the day off or anything because there is just way too high a demand of output for the next few weeks.

I feel broken. My body is not handling the stress well as my back and knees are just killing me since last night. My anxiety is through the roof and just the feeling I have is like I want to either puke or cry or better yet both at the same time.

When am I finally going to have a stroke or heart attack? I mean, it's got to be soon. I just can't handle this much longer. It doesn't help that I'm convinced I don't have past the age of 35 to live.

I guess I gave that impression away in how I was talking with my parents and my 65 year old father basically insinuated that I'm still so young and I shouldn't be talking like I'm his age because I've got " a long life ahead to live"... I beg to differ. I'm not sure that what I'm feeling is SI, but it's more of my life will be taken away from me and it won't be because I'm doing it. My therapist says it's just my high levels of anxiety speaking, but though I don't doubt that I have a very high level of anxiety lately, I don't think it's the cause, but rather a contributing factor.

My head is going to explode, and my body is crumbling literally every step I take. I just can't handle anything anymore. I'm not fit to live much longer.

 

[Tinyflame]

I actually think your T is correct.

Can you reduce the stress, even in small ways?

Am pulling for you. :hug:

 

[snappy_turtle]

Thanks for your support, Junebug. :hug:
I have tried everything that used to calm me down and reduce the stress, but this time none of it is working. I've tried taking baths, naps, playing my piano for hours at a time, and even exercising (thought I've got limited ability for that due to my physical conditions lately).
Any suggestions on stress reduction methods that work for you?

 

[fly away home]

Hello, I was just wondering, have you tried having a good hard cry? I struggle with crying, it doesn't come easily but when I am lucky enough to find my tears it will release a lot of stress. Just a suggestion, some people can't stop crying, if that's the case just ignore.

Hope you do find some peace.

 

[snappy_turtle]

In the last few weeks I definitely have cried a lot, and for good reason, too. It's not that I can't stop crying, but that I'm at that mindset right now (after having cried as much as I did), that crying isn't helping me in this situation any longer because the situations are still the same, unfortunately. Moreso, I'm also upset that I keep feeling the need or urge to cry - instead I'm tackling it with something even worse: anger, irritability and overall aggression.
I do appreciate your suggestion, though. Sometimes, I forget to cry and let it all out, so I definitely know what you mean.

 

[ms spock]

Are you able to keep breathing @snappy_turtle?

 

[Sally sue]

Well, here's a weird one, but I started some seeds, and they're on my kitchen table, I know it's weird but I spend a lot of time looking at them, seeing if they've grown any, looking for new sprouts and/or leaves, and wondering if I've done it right :) it is indeed a simple pleasure but I also enjoy thinking about who I want to give them to when they bloom (my T for sure)....for me, it's the first time in a long time I have something else to look at and watch and care for :) they also say it's good/healthy to talk to your plants :happy:

 

[Sally sue]

Another thing, my T told me a long time ago that exercise is great but you need 10 minutes of calming focus for the mind...so, I do paint by numbers (I am an artist, but you just can't seem to think of anything else when you are saying in your head, #9, #9, etc painting the little spaces ha) AND working puzzle books helps calm my mind too, I don't like crosswords but the others are good, and finally one of my best coping skills I have developed when I was first faced with all this was I taught myself how to juggle ha and now I'm learning how to yoyo...it's harder than it looks hahaha

I hope this helps :)

 

[snappy_turtle]

Are you able to keep breathing @snappy_turtle?

It's hard. It's harder because my PT tells me to fix my back I have to strengthen my core and I'm a belly breather so keeping my abs flexed all day like she tells me to do probably makes me feel even more stressed than I am. Thank you @Ms Spock for reminding me of my breath. :hug:That's a big one, definitely.

 

[snappy_turtle]

one of my best coping skills I have developed when I was first faced with all this was I taught myself how to juggle ha and now I'm learning how to yoyo...it's harder than it looks hahaha

I hope this helps :)

Oh that is fantastic! I want to learn how to juggle! Perhaps I'll take that on!

 

[Sally sue]

There's some great website tutorials for learning how to juggle...I practiced each day for 10-15 minutes and actually dropping the balls all the time always got me laughing :) When I email my T when I'm on the edge she reminds me of several skills always including juggling ha

 

[Katiekins343]

There's always a good reason to cry.its another great way for your body to release adrenaline. The key is to also have a healthy means of calm in yourself down. I get frequent panic attacks so when I don't have xanax on hand, paying attention to breathing has to be my lifesaver. Otherwise my skull hurts so bad it feels like its closing in on itself and I feel like throwing up everywhere. Not cute. It Almost sounds so unhelpful and basic but our bodies are still primitive. Thats the way I see it. Our minds may have developed to give us these cognitions and physical agony but evolutionarily speaking, our bodies have yet to really catch up. So long story short , im a relatively spiritual person. I believe in the universe and something higher than us that we can't even comprehend, so I meditate and this way I can let my thoughts be acknowledged but not fester in my mind and body. Meditation may not work the first time. It takes a while to gain that focus you need to be able to just acknowledge your thoughts and let them pass by, but eventually you can start reaping the benefits. Chakra meditation focuses on the energy sources within your body that are unbalanced and works to restore them. Pain can be another indication that your chakras need some love. I also breathe and drink tea. That helps. Keep it simple is the moral to the story. Sometimes we dont realize how basic and 'cause and effect' our bodies truly are.

Hope this helps

Be safe! You got this!

Katie