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- #13
NotMyWorld
Bronze Member
Constant Danger yes. Not from blades but predators I was unable to fight off. It's hard to explain how I feel. My mother had a constant stream of men comming through our house, bareley knowing them before letting them move in and letting their cousins or brothers move in too. These were Mexican, illegal types that didn't speak english. It's really hard not to be racist, as ashamed as I am of it, I can't help it sometimes, when it comes to certain types of them that come from certain areas because of what happened to me so frequently. I was nothing but a toy to them. I was garbage to my mother, and I was totally alone. It started at 7 and finally stopped at 15 when I ran away. It did no good to tell my mother. She would just tell me to get over myself or stop lying and smack me. Keep my mouth shut, that kind of thing. I think in some ways she was worse then them. At least they didn't lie about what they were. God forbid this unwanted child of hers open her mouth and her precious boyfriewnd get deported back to mexico along with his pedophile cousins or brothers.
I'm finding it a little easier to talk about this so please understand when I say racist it's because all of my attackers were illegal Mexicans. Mostly from Jaco. Drugs, guns, you name it. it started when we lived in Santa Ana, CA, but when we moved up to Smith River (Crecent City -next largest town) it was the same, dairy's and lilly fields and ranches. A mother of 4 who didn't give a crap about her kids and that made us easy targets. I don't doubt in my mind one bit some of those men showed interest in her to get to us. I gave a bit more detail as too the effects on my sibblings in a previous post on the diaries page. Please don't misunderstand. My younger two sibblings are Mexicans. I am not at all racist against mexicans in general. I'm most definately wary of those who's manurisms remind me of my attackers. I say my attackers because it was not one inccident, rather various that spanned over 8 years along with beatings and emotional abuse from my own mother. So when you ask me if it was dangerous walking around my house? Yes... every move I made, every footstep in the hall in the middle of the night and every time I was left alone even for a few moments, I could have been and often was attaked in many ways. They used me worse then my mother. At least she liked it. I just wanted to die. I remember that clearly. I wanted to die.
