Although I have written some things here and talked around things to some friends I have never been able to say the actual words of what happened. I speak in euphemisms or have them sort of guess what I am saying. But last night I was able to actually say the words of what happened to a friend and it wasn't the end of the world. I am definitely feeling a little more stressed with extra stimulus/touch than usual but I am doing okay. I think I've lived so many years with this poison inside I just carried it everywhere with me. It's like I'm starting to drain some of the pain. It was so hard but just to be able to actually say it was such a victory. My abuser has had way too much space in my life. I need to divest myself of that grip. And a huge part of that is the silence.