Relationship :( I Had To Let My Boyfriend Go

[Pinkmoon1]

I just couldn't do it anymore, I had to let my boyfriend go because I'm too weak to deal with the moments of him withdrawn and pushing me away. I love him but I'm just not strong enough.....I'm awful!

 

[LilBit]

No, you are not awful. The pushing and pulling is incredibly hard on someone emotionally. Don't look at it like weakness or failure. Many people are not strong enough to even try.

Apologies for the double post, it wouldn't go through, then doubleposted. And now the edit won't work to let me correct. My whole day is going like that!!

<double post and merging fixed by Nicolette>

 

[Pinkmoon1]

It has been one of those days hasn't it?[DOUBLEPOST=1399242562,1399242467][/DOUBLEPOST]I'm still sitting here wishing this was the moment that would make him realise how we are suppose to be together and he would fight for us.....I know it's not how he's wired now, I just feel so defeated!

 

[zeckster81]

I love your photo. The moon is beautiful.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

Can you feel liberated? Strong enough to be on your own, able to begin again? Do you have any of those feelings?

 

[Pinkmoon1]

Not at the moment @LisawithPTSD . I don't want to imagine life without him and I hoped my love was strong enough to save him. I know with healing myself that it's a journey that he needs to go on on his own but I just have this sinking feeling because I can't be enough for him. He's numb and unable to give the emotion to me and I'm still not strong enough to ride the roller coaster that happens.

I've been through so much in my life that I know I will be fine....this time I just thought this area was going to be done. I know it was to be a work in progress always but relationships are give give and I was giving and I gave till empty now I need to fill and I need to do that for myself.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

I did that too. With my boyfriend we are slowing working back to it. I put him thru hell sometimes and it hurts us both so much that we each just need a break from it and each other. but when it is really bad, he's there.

what do you think the next step is?

 

[Pinkmoon1]

My next step is self health, with exercise nutrition and doing the things I love, I need to try not obsess about what he is doing because I know he will do things that will be a distraction to him and hurt me.

I feel like I'm silently screams to the universe just saying "enough already" I want so bad to have simple happiness and I have so much love to give....who will I give it to?

Here's to putting on my shoes and walking forward

 

[Tinyflame]

@Pinkmoon1 , you will give it to whom you are meant to give it to. You've done nothing wrong whatsoever, nor are 'lacking' in anyway. But I am sorry. :( :hug:

 

[Pinkmoon1]

I know, waiting and longing for it is the hard part.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

You have a good positive attitude. :) That in itself is a great thing.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I think sometimes it is harder to let go when you realise that a relationship cannot give you what you need. Deep down we want to believe that love is enough. It is so hard to accept that it is not. It is so hard to allow your intellect to speak louder than your emotions. At least it is for me.

You are not awful. You are looking out for yourself. Hug! It will get better.