I Hate Mother's Day

[AngelaMarie]

Catjudo: I very much appreciate what you said. Especially about accepting other people's views!

Bubba: Thanks for reminding me to take the day for myself and the fact that I am the best mother I can be.

I really do appreciate people on this forum so, so much!

 

[Nicolette]

This thread is for those who hate Mother's Day. Please stop bringing the fun down in this thread with your positivity. It is unnecessary unless you want to make people feel bad (which I don't believe was intended). Go find your own thread please.

712xx you didn't start this thread and therefore you do not control nor own the right to control the way the path this thread may take. It is one thing to have an opinion and another to attack. I have edited you post accordingly as it was not appropriate towards another member who has just as much right to post as you do.

Personally I don't find much of your post nice but since there has been so much reaction to it I now can't completely remove it as attacking - which it was.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Thanks, Nicolette! This is the reason we have moderators and administrators.:)

 

[a3a2]

A P.S. from the one who started the thread.....I realized the torture of the day for me, was to call her on that day and get a sob story about how very few of my siblings had done anything for her. And so, I decided to call her early, so as to escape the sob story. Now I am far more ready to enjoy my day as a mom, and I am not feeling the manipulative guilt.

It really doesn't bother me that others enjoy the day. I want you all to enjoy it. I was just really struggling and I appreciate your empathy and how some of you have managed to turn the tide....especially those of you who have gone on to be a different kind of mom. I have, too, thanks to help from so many others, including you all.

 

[Queen Boudica]

It is hard, as a daughter of an abusive mother to think of mother's day. It is supposed to be about celebrating your mother. My mother is alive somewhere, but I will not celebrate her or be with her or send her a card or flowers, she was not a good mother. But, at the same time, that makes me very sad that my mother is there on her own on mother's day. It of course, brings back memories and thoughts and longing for that mother I never had.

To me, mother's day is about my children now and celebrating that I do love them and they love me and I am trying my best to be a good mother despite the fact I feel I fail so much.

My fears are one day my kids will not want to be with me on mother's day or, even, send me a card because I did fail so much but I guess I am working hard for that not to happen. But then, that gets me thinking. Did my mother ever try and I just did not see it? But then the fear takes over, I'm still afraid of her and the horrible memories of how she was, and the damage she still can do. So I am not over it and I just can't get to the point of celebrating her as a mother.

Funny Mother's Day story (I think :confused:) .....

I tried very hard to be nice to my mother-in-law despite the fact I knew she hated me. I really wanted to have a good relationship with her. I felt I had no mother of my own and I knew what that was like, so I should make sure that my ex H has a good relationship with his mother and I should do everything to encourage that, despite the fact that I knew she did not like me.

So, when I was first with my ex H, and we were students, that first mother's day I made sure he sent a big bunch flowers to his mother.

Her response - "It was me being calculating" :confused:

I laugh now. I was devastated at the time.

 

[Nicolette]

It is hard, as a daughter of an abusive mother to think of mother's day. It is supposed to be about celebrating your mother. My mother is alive somewhere, but I will not celebrate her or be with her or send her a card or flowers, she was not a good mother. But, at the same time, that makes me very sad that my mother is there on her own on mother's day. It of course, brings back memories and thoughts and longing for that mother I never had.

Totally agree, understand and don't have anything to add other than pity cannot be the driving force anymore for me to guilt myself into celebrating mothers day with my mother. If she had her reasons and did try well she's always had the opportunity to help me understand and perhaps even empathize... maybe even changing my stance. I don't know the answer but I do know some things cannot be forgotten. :(

 

[Red Feather]

My mother was abusive but she never really cared about any holidays. She didn't care about Christmas or Thanksgiving. All holidays were like a chore to my family. So I have a very neutral attitude about it. What bothers me is when the first thing my daughter says to me when I see her is "Oh mommy! I made a present for you for Mother's Day, but I forgot it at Grandma's!" i.e. not my mother but his. I'm like "Oh well... that's really symbolic isn't it." Since my children spend a lot of time with her and not with me... Just reminds me so much of how hard things are.

But then another pleasant surprise, which I actually DIDN'T plan at all was that I ACTUALLY was with my children on Mother's Day. Because Mother's Day falls on another day in Mexico and in the US and in Germany... It's kind of confusing... Which day is actually the right one?? Well here in Germany, today IS Mother's day, and I WAS with my children on Mother's Day.

So there you go! I am a mother. Confirmed.

 

[Nadege]

Well, girls, it's over! Just another money-maker for restaurants and stores - which is fine with me, as the economy can use all the boosts it can get.

I have issues with my mother as many people here, but I do not hate her... I feel a deep-seated bitterness that we do not have a close and understanding relationship we could have... that I do not really know her, nor does she know me, not meaning our daily quirks, but our innermost... We love each other, but we cannot talk... then again, being that we live in the same home, maybe it's better that way? Gives me some privacy?

 

[angel2write]

I used to go to great extents on Mother's Day when I was a kid. Huge. Vases of flowers, elaborate home-made cards, breakfasts, cakes, presents...

But she was always mocking of my efforts. Nothing I did was good enough. Or impressive enough. I was always a bother to her. Now if I bother to send a card, and she thinks I've done something impressive. She sent me a card last week. I feel like... whatever.

I'm glad my husband knows I don't like big plans, or a big fuss on these manipulative Hallmark holidays. He gave me a card with a sweet note this morning, held my hand in church. The little boys gave me little drawings. And we all hung out on my bed and watched Cake Boss this evening. It was a good day.

The only problem was... I truly forgot to call my mom! Oops! Freudian slip, perhaps? :sneaky: :rolleyes:

 

[catjudo]

So, I'm a single mom and my daughter is only 7 years old. She really tried to go out of her way to make the day special and I think she did a great job given her age and resources (doing it all by herself). Unfortunately, she kept apologizing to me throughout the day for not giving me a good enough Mother's Day. No amount of praise and reassurance would convince her that she had done a great job and I really appreciated it. It makes me so sad that she felt badly about the day.

 

[Nadege]

Catjudo, may God bless your little girl, she is so sweet and kind.

 

[CraftyCath]

I don't 'do' Mothers Day. I used to when my Mum and Mother-in-law were alive but I don't expect anything from my Sons.

My Mum wasn't 'there' for me as a child and knew nothing of the trauma I suffered. Both she and my Father have passed away now. I was very close to my Dad and grew closer to my Mum as the years went by.

But I have never wanted my boys to treat me nicely on one day a year. I always told them that it was a way for card shops and supermarkets to make money. They use to bring handmade gifts and cards home from school when they were little and I have kept all of them. If they wanted to do something for me I wouldn't mind but I always say it's when they do the unexpected for me that I know I am a mother and that they love and appreciate me.

Like my youngest paying my shopping bill or my eldest taking me out for lunch. Or just the little things like making me a cup of tea.

I'm a good Mum and they are good kids; I adore them and I know they love me. That's thanks enough for me. xxxx