I Have To Do Wrist Therapy Again

[SeekingAfrica]

"Life is what happens while you make plans" is on my head the whole day today, it fits so perfectly.

I guess that's strange, but I can very easily detach from what is happening around me when overwhelmed. And last weeks that happened a lot. I was worried about health and my past/present/future and trip and money and it was generally just too much.

I wrote about my issue and health checks that I have to do. Today I went to check my wrist and I have to have something on to immobilize my wrist for 10 days(something like a splint? I can't bend my wrist basically). I also have to go to physiotherapy for 10 days and have control check up after.

Today I've been to one check up, the ultrasound, then a whole bunch of other important errands. The therapy means suddenly my planning doesn't matter- I can't travel, I need to take care of this. I am hugely relieved because I was trying to concentarte on fixing everything at once, and with the trip moved later, it's easier to concentrate on one thing at a time. First my health, then the next thing.

On the other hand I'm so overwhelmed I keep making notes.
I have to reschedule my trip...

I'm not sure how I'll rehearse for my dance concert.

It's my right hand, and I didn't realize how much I'm a right hand person until not. I feel largely clumsy and incapable and that's usualy a crisis trigger for me.

My work is all on computer and involves a lot of typing and stuff using computer mouse...I can still type but slowly. Handwriting is even slower. I can't do any other jobs I usually do that include making anything or drawing.

2 weeks isn't a lot, but I haven't prepped for this, so I can't not work, I need the money.

So I really have to adjust. I feel like my brain is on fire mobilizing for the fight ahead or something. This might seem so silly. But my brain is jumping between questions and relief and stress and I need to somehow adjust.

I hope I can handle all this well, though I'm a bit scared.

 

[Reaching4thestarrs]

"Life is what happens while you make plans" is on my head the whole day today, it fits so perfect...

I feel like I can relate to this on some level. Each day my "To Do List" is in front of me. It rarely grows longer because I don't venture out much or take on much. It consists of everyday medial tasks such as housekeeping and meal preparation for my family and getting my children to and from their activities. These tasks don't require much because they are second nature. I usually complete them all without much friction. (Despite my bodies physical aversion to leaving the house to commute them) the rest of my "To Do" list consists of making calls to Drs following up on extensive outpatient treatment recommendations, neurology appointment, disability attorney appointment, and documentation for disability. This list never changes it never grows smaller. I spend days planning how I will accomplish making these calls and overcoming my fear and anxiety to do such simple tasks. I remind myself how foolish it is that I should not be able to pick up a phone and call. I remind myself how important these matters are- detrimental, in fact, to survival; and yet another day passes, another week, another deadline, and these goals aren't achieved. These responsibilities aren't being met.

For all the desire and "want to" and ambition and "know that I need to, have to, MUST- why can't I make myself do it." I plan plan plan, but cannot move to LITERALLY SAVE MY OWN LIFE!

I have become a prisoner to my disorder I have everything needed to be productive and successful once again, but I can't breakthrough the proverbial wall that keeps me locked inside this nightmare of paralyzation.

By day two, I realize it's a relapse- despite reminding myself that the "return to ground zero" feeling will only last as long as the relapse, it does nothing for the time lost, the "To Do" list unfinished and the deadlines not met. It does nothing for the holplessness and paralysis I feel during relapse. The emotional trauma comes forward and my brain moves and every action-evoking atom of my body feels prompted into activation and yet I remain unable to move past the walls of my own prison. So, I sit and I wait.. papers in front of me demanding to be completed and tended to, calls and appointments that will contribute to my treatment and recovery and the realization of "disability" sets in... for a second I allow myself to wonder if I'll ever be released from this... and then remind myself again it's just a relapse and all you can do IS WAIT until it's over to begin again.

 

[Reaching4thestarrs]

"Life is what happens while you make plans" is on my head the whole day today, it fits so perfect...

Just Breathe!!With so much going on I can see how it could be easy to feel overwhelmed! Moderation and BREATHE are two constant reminders that help me:)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I feel like I can relate to this on some level. Each day my "To Do List" is in front of me....

This hits home so much.
Today I was out for 5 h, during which I had 2 dr. appointments, going to few different stores to run errands in different parts of town, buying the splint, going to printing place, going to the bank, and pharmacy, rearranging the calendar I have. Trying to adjust to the new situation, prepare.

It's regular administrative, daily, tasks. But because they are all outside, and they all include a lot of human interraction and a lot of notes and receipts and readjusting 2 months worth of plans, I now feel exhausted. Run down.

My plan for this evening and the next morning is to rest rest and...yeah, rest.

So that tomorrow I can hopefully feel together enough to start over and remake all the plans I had, with huge emphasis on my health appointments(besides the physiotherapy, I have to also go to different check up soon, and keep up with regular therapy...thank god for calendars, because I'm sure I would forget something).

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Just Breathe!!With so much going on I can see how it could be easy to feel overwhelmed! Mod...

Thanks!

It does feel overwhelming. I can't think more, so I think I'll completely switch off for the night so that I can refresh my brain. Right now it feels fried with dates, numbers, and new information to consider.

 

[Reaching4thestarrs]

Ugh! I feel like I can totally relate. But it sounds like you know when to take a rest! So hard to remember that we don't have to be superhumans all the time. Rest well. Tomorrow is a new day and you will begin again with renewed strength!

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Ugh! I feel like I can totally relate. But it sounds like you know when to take a rest! So h...

I'm horrible at knowing when to rest...
But when my brain gets overwhelmed with too much important information, it just floods me with whatever hormones make you feel sleepy. In university before PTSD I was still that way- I was juggling 6 classes and a job, so I used to take naps all the time.

Now anxiety and adrenaline make my sleep very unstable and troubled...
But in rare moments like now when I'm more overwhelmed with exact urgent information rather than with feelings or memories, I still "shut down" and basically get so sleepy I either have to walk around like a zombie half-asleep, or just give myself a break and rest. So I take it.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Omg I am so weird!

I've been so detached from stuff for weeks...but now that this so intensely present health issue appeared, it's like I snapped into place. I have to be so present and that was the start. And then...someone was implying that because the injury may be I should give up dancing(ballet).

Dancing has been so instrumental to my survival and improvement in the last years. And it's been such a passion for me that often it's pulled me out of some dark mental spaces. No way I'm giving up now. But it reminded me I have passion, I have ability to oppose to people and follow my heart. I have felt so weak when talking about my past, and it's so wonderful to remember that I can push through and use my passion to get through what I fear.

So now I feel really present and strong and able to start trying this in other areas of my life. It's so refreshing. It's such an odd reaction to being injured...but I don't care. I'm just happy to finally feel so strong.

I don't know how much it will last but I will do what I can while it is lasting:).

 

[Ronin]

And then...someone was implying that because the injury may be I should give up dancing(ballet).

I'd disregard that, right now.

Focus on healing of the immediate injury, and healing it well.

You can always stress yourself crazy about loss later, not when you need that energy to both heal and carry on in the now, and to get to that later to begin with.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If dancing keeps you sane, then don't stop dancing till you are 100.

 

[Ronin]

& when you're 100, moving your tongue side to side counts for a dance too, so don't stop thinking the dance and living by it.

 

[Deleted member 37579]

Well, this is nothing in comperesent what other people go trough daily. Bad stuff happens. All problems are situations that are waiting for it's solution.