I Hit My Husband, A Lot.

[Loner]

I don't think I disregarded it, I think I just didn't mention it. You are right though, that is yet another kind of abuse.

 

[Abstract]

Maybe this is a better arena for this discussion https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-gender-was-the-perpetrator-s-of-your-sexual-abuse.39546/ It seems a shame to divert the thread considering how important the topic is here and how serious nerdina's situation is. I hope she manages to return.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Not off topic as it's VERY relevant that a female abuser isn't held AS responsible for abuse as a male abuser. I think she needs to realize that a female abusing someone is just as serious a matter as a male abusing someone.

 

[Deleted member 19661]

Deleted.

 

[Deleted member 19661]

I'm from Canada and there is anger management courses in prison. My father had to take it as a condition for his release. Maybe it depends on the length of incarceration. I would also think the probation services would have that type of help too.

They didn't, they slacked off for ten months without helping me. I'm from the US so I don't even matter. None of this matters any more, my husband is forcing me to leave next week out of canada, never to come back. My life is over, I wante dhelp so bad and no one was there, I couldn't afford it, I'm just a nobody. I came here for help and people judged me and pushed me away.

 

[Deleted member 19661]

DING DING DING, folks, we have a winner!! Yes, Valentino, you hit the nail on the head. The truth is that people do not want to see women as malicious monsters so they're given the benefit of the doubt....or even just the "benefit" when there really is no doubt... It's why so many underage male sexual abuse survivors are discounted, and told that they're lucky to have gotten with an older woman. .

So now I'm a malicious monster?? Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 19661]

@nerdyni, the behaviors you mention combined with your comments mean you are now a serious abuser.

Seeking chaos and perpetuating it can be a cycle of traumatic re-enactment. It is dangerous and treating it requires long term therapy. Physical separation is essential until the physical violence ends.

You say you cannot afford counseling, but if you do not get help, you are on a path to lose your freedom, and all opportunities to have a different life with the time you have left on this earth.

You have said you love him, but what you are describing is not love, but abuse and addiction to excitement. It is not love which dehumanizes or degrades other human beings. If you were raised to believe your behaviors stem from love, you must get help now. I hope you do. It must be terrible to live the chaos you are describing. The behaviors and beliefs you are speaking of are very bizarre and abnormal. You will need a lot of work and help in order to change these.

I hope you are committed to changing yourself from being an abuser who is dangerous to a safe, caring, trustworthy person. You deserve to live a life without such chaos and pain..

I'm sorry but you have NO Idea what abuse is for some people. I am NOT addicted to GETTING f*cking excitement from hitting my partner, he gets in my face and I get scared and I attack him, do you think that's f*cking exciting for me?God, this is why I f*cking hate even living, people like you judge people who just want help, you ASSUME SO MUCH, you make me feel like I'm uselss. f*ck. I hope you can sleep at night with how you talk to people, you really know how to just piss all over someone when they just really want to cease to exist. THANKS.

 

[Deleted member 19661]

I want to make this clear so no one decides to sit here and point fingers. I am not addicted to beating my husband, this isn't some HIGH for me. I don't wake up thinking "I wanna get high off hitting my hubby yeah!" That is the most horrible, cruel thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm leaving this forum, people here are awful.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

So now I'm a malicious monster??

No, please re-read. I didn't single you out, I was making a general statement that was a reflection of the behavior seen in this thread. It was a reply to another poster who had gone off tangent a bit himself.

Unfortunately, when you're not a citizen, you've got to play a bit more by the rules as you've got a deportation factor to work with. I'm glad your husband made the decision that you wouldn't (to separate) as your situation was toxic. I'm sorry you felt we were all attacking you, but again, you honestly got it easy as if you were a guy this thread would be VERY heated and quite long. I think it's important to realize who your audience is--- a bunch of abuse victims, and we were hearing excuses as to why you couldn't change.

In the end you couldn't change so the decision was made for you. I sincerely hope that once you get back to the states you can seek out anger management therapy.

 

[radicalgratitude]

I'm sorry but you have NO Idea what abuse is for some people.

Um....right...you come to a PTSD forum and then tell one of the members this?

None of this matters any more, my husband is forcing me to leave next week out of canada, never to come back.

I'm really happy for him and proud of him. I know how hard it is to get out of an abusive relationship.

I'm leaving this forum, people here are awful.

Do you expect us to feel sorry for you? You are talking to people who in most cases have been abused. We know what manipulation looks like and we can see through your words. You have indicated absolutely no remorse for your behavior, only for how poorly you feel you have been treated.

We are good people here. Don't come on here and attack us again! If you want to leave, fine. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

 

[Loner]

You know, you guys really could of just taken her defensiveness with a grain of salt and been a bit more gentle to her. I understand she hit quite the nerve for many of us, but she clearly was not a sadistic person. Shes scared and confused and could of benefited greatly from our help if we could of kept the judgements at bay. Maybe not though, maybe shes so angry and confused she would never of listened to anything we said without getting defensive and accusatory, but still, its a sad situation because I don't think she fit the typical profile for an abuser. I really do not think its something she got off on, except in a purely self destructive 'pain is familiar' kind of way.

I know a lot of people offered good advice without being judgmental, but still, the situation bothers me. I feel bad for her.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

And not all those who sexually abuse are sadistic monsters, either. Where do you draw the line?

Did you forget the part where she just gave excuses as to why she couldn't change? At that point, she was definitely a perpetrator and not a victim in all if this.

Bottom line, nobody here needs to help another abuser get well. They need to go to an abusers board to get support from like minded people. Coming here to get support was not the greatest of ideas considering many of us have been abused and have heard the same BS excuses as the ones she was dealing out.