Dom Violence I Left

[Deleted member 29920]

There is a part of me that feels deep compassion for her, that she believed she could only use fear and control to keep someone she cared about,
in her life.
She is a human who is wounded

Absolutely this, what you said, absolutely.

 

[Changing4Best]

My ex threatened to kill someone too. I returned to save that person's life. I later ran away anyway, when things got too serious and violent. At that point, I feared for myself and that other person too, but I had no way to contact that person and warn him. To this day I have no clue if he is alive or not.

My ex started calling my voicemail from prison. I would hear this recording that the person calling me was in prison and to press #9 if I was willing to accept the call and pay for it. So I knew it had to be him. Sure enough, I called the prison and asked if he were a prisoner there and when they confirmed it, they even told me the charges: "Utterance of a forged document, concealed weapons and domestic battery" were the charges. I was not at all surprised! His threatening calls stopped at that point, of course and eventually the calls from the prison stopped also.

I ran into him about a year and a half later, while waiting at a bus stop. He ran up to me, hugged me and said, "Baby! Baby!" I told him I was not his "Baby" after ducking out of the hug. I told him I could not live like that. I did not elaborate, except to say that I did not want to be with someone who did drugs. He accepted it then, I think, as he never tried to contact me again. What a relief!!!

One of the reasons I think he had to accept it was that he was probably on Parole. That was my luck!

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I told him I could not live like that

Exactly, I could not go on living like that. I'm already ill without all that added stuff.

Today's really difficult, just..all of it. So so difficult. I feel so sad.

It's such an upheaval.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

And now I'm just plain angry at all of this.

 

[ladee]

For all the feelings you were not allowed to express, they haven't gone anywhere. Your body had paid the consequences for not having a voice..
Now you do..... put as much of it here as you can and want...with the clear understanding that we are not allowed to distract from your feelings by saying anything about your ex..... you get to do that CJ... you get to say you are going to have your feelings... no matter how it comes out... but no ex bashing as that only distracts you...
You have been a hostage... you are going to vacillate between so hurt and angry to feeling sorry for her....

Do you have a T.... imperative that is a requirement or please commit to coming here and talking talking talking talking...
Go to your diary.... start a new thread...

You are going to have every feeling you had to stuff down.... go for it.... no place safer than here...

You are loved and supported...we are here for you.... try not to just say you are angry, but WHY you are angry.... or hurt, or confused...

love you and we are all here for you !!!


ETA: You can not wait until all your duckies are in a row to start healing... you didn't even know you had duckies... and you aren't even sure where they are.... so don't wait on the duckies..... love you.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I'm so angry!!!

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I'm angry because I was left without options. Without a practical solution.

I'll go back to my T soon.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I'm angry and sad that we were both too ill to fix things ourselves. I'm sad it turned out this way. I'm so sad.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Quietly holdin' heart space with ya'. Let it flow.

 

[GrayOwl]

Quietly holdin' heart space with ya'. Let it flow.

That says it for me too...............
I relate so well.

Just getting strong, getting stable and safe and getting 'me' back.

Repeat as needed............over and over.
Leave the anger and sadness as best as you can.

I found anger and sadness to be great motivators.
And then I realized that that was all I had in my life anymore.
They brought me closer to healing and happiness.
I long for the day where happiness and encouragement are my motivators.
That choice is up to me and me alone.
And today I hope I'm on my way....................:cool::eek::laugh::joyful:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks everyone.

I feel a bit better about things now.

I'll continue self care and to be extra vigilant.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

friends want to meet for coffee, for alcohol. I really don't feel like it. I don't if I ever will. I feel like only the people here on this forum understand me.

I should probably find some survivors groups in the future.

I don't feel able to do very much right now. It's weighing me down.