Dom Violence I Left

[Deleted member 33052]

(((((( C j )))))) I'm very proud of you, too. This was a remarkable act of courage. Namaste.

C j, I know this is hard to think about but living with paranoia isn't living. Can you move to a new place? Fresh start?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

My first memory of crossing paths with you here was in the music thread, @C j . I've been jamming to this one song on repeat off and on for at least a week now and it feels so appropriate to share with you in this thread. "Never Going Back Again" by Fleetwood Mac........that amazing guitar picking and those lyrics that I sing at the top of my halfway congested lungs keep drawing me back, day after day, in spite of the title. lol Reminding me to keep growing forward with lots of loving kindness towards self and much rest in between. You're doing all the right things for all the right reasons. Celebrate every chance you get in between the moments of deep grief if/when you can. Even if just a little. This shit drains every ounce of our being. F'n energy vampires. Sending many supportive thoughts your way.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Can you move to a new place? Fresh start

Thanks Mal, yes I'll hopefully move somewhere safe.

if she is not ok now.... it is up to her to change her life

Totally, I do see that, I need to keep reminding myself of that. For all these years I've felt it was somehow my fault.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Never Going Back Again

I like that one, music's been kind of hard for me to listen to at the moment though. It'll come back, I know it will. The only music I've managed to enjoy so far is heavy metal, angry stuff.

This morning I managed to remind myself how awful it had been for all those years, and the effects. That made me really angry.

 

[barefoot]

@C j I don't have any wise words to share. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you've had this experience and I truly admire your courage. I really hope she now leaves alone so that you are able to make the fresh start you so deserve. You definitely didn't ever deserve the list of things in your previous post - no one does. And I hope that knowledge - that you have done the right thing to get you out of that situation - will continue to provide you with strength, determination and self-compassion at this tough time. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks @barefoot, that is my only wish.

One major lesson learned from this relationship (and I have a big list) is to trust my intuition because there were red flags right from the start.

 

[barefoot]

Lots of great learnings there @C j

It sounds like she was very manipulative from the start and I can understand why you wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't make you wrong that you chose to give her a chance back then.

And now, having had that long term experience with her and being able to see what was going on and to be clear about the impact she's had on you and her life...I'm confident that you will be able to trust your gut and follow your instincts re red flags if you ever meet such a person again.

Decent, caring, honest, loving, trustworthy people are out there, I promise you. She wasn't one of them. But plenty of them do exist :-)

 

[ladee]

I don't know how much you shared about what was going on , here, in posts, a diary... but sometimes you need to go back to see your 'truth' even then. You knew you were trapped, just didn't know how to get away. And that is the way abuse works.... we start to doubt our own truth... tho it feels wrong what they say and do.... they have been so insidious at their task of breaking us... that we simply get lost in the chaos and pain...mine didn't get physically violent, because i used to tell him... "you have to sleep sometime"... meaning he couldn't insure I wouldn't do something to him while he was sleeping...
But you and I have different back grounds also... that did pay a part in my being able to 'fight back' to a degree... I remember one really bad day.... setting alone, crying and thinking 'love is not supposed to hurt'...
And you were very young... take that into account...
But we are going to be here with you, reminding you to look at what really happened... how you were treated..... what was taken away.... and encouraging
you to get yourself back... the taking away didn't happen over night, nor will the reclaiming
Its important for you to share the things you see that changed you... . Because that is part of the reclaiming... and we are here to validate that....It isn't about bashing your ex.... its about simply being present for you on this part of your journey.....
Remember... we have a bar to open one day.... the Click and Groan..... !!!
So onward Warrior... keep on keepin' on... we are here for you... lots of love to you!!!

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Click and Groan

Haha! Yes, I won't forget the bar, that really made me laugh and smile, thank you dear Ladee.

No bashing, absolutely not, that wouldn't help.

Just getting strong, getting stable and safe and getting 'me' back.

 

[The Albatross]

"Just getting strong, getting stable and safe and getting 'me' back." Oh, I love the way you wrote that CJ... Bravo gal! Bravo! :)

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks @The Albatross. That's been the plan for a long time now, and I can finally get started on it.

 

[ladee]

We have had the blessing of seeing a lot of the real you!
You have wanted out for a long time.
I don't feel this is going to take long for you to stand strong.
There will be grief.of how it was. What you hoped it could have been, and concern for her.
You have a huge heart. One of the many things I love about you. But we are here to help you do healthy greiving and hopefully help you to redirect if you start self blaming.
Even if it was hell, its still part of your life experience.
That matters. A lot.
There is a part of me that feels deep compassion for her, that she believed she could only use fear and control to keep someone she cared about,
in her life.
She is a human who is wounded. Tho we do not want her harming you further. The rest is up to her.
Take care of you. Thats who we are here for.
Gentle hugs!