I loathe most people

[Upside Down Eagle]

Ever since I was a teen I have had a deep seated antipathy towards most people, sometimes even physical revulsion. I didn´t want them around and I didn´t want them looking at me. Both things would make me feel nauseous.

It´s not like I think I´m fantastic and the rest of the world is hideous. I have a few very good friends that I would not lose for anything in the world. I have family members that have always been supportive and try to understand. I like this forum too.

Most of the people that I have a connection with, have experienced very painful situations and deep loss. They have mental health issues, and/or are looking for more meaning in life, just like me. I just don´t know if it´s trauma or my personality, or both.

I hate the way a lot of people are ignorant of how valuable their lives are. I hate modern consumerism and shopping sprees. I hate how supermarkets throw mountains of perfectly edible food away, I hate how people rather drive than walk. Etc, etc etc.

I´ve started looking for meaningful niches in society, ones that I can feel at home at, like church, but it seems that the more I go in that direction, the more I hate everyone else who isn´t like that. I feel like I am isolating myself from the rest of society.

Perhaps some of you can relate. I wonder if there is a "solution" to this situation. Maybe I should view the world with more forgiveness, or see the beautiful things of the world instead of the ugly ones. But I don´t know how.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Ever since I was a teen I have had a deep seated antipathy towards most people, sometimes even physical revu...

I try to find beauty in everything, including pain and sorrow. I have been known as "the woman who hates everything" in certain circles. There is a small part of truth to it, though it is presented as a joke. But even with that, I am an extrovert and easily talk to many people. I am fascinated about people. When I see people I try to imagine the inner workings of their minds. Back before airports were closed off I could go sit in one just for the sake of people watching. I don't really know how to help you, just kind of rambling about what your post made me think about myself and the world.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I've experienced similar feelings, most especially after totally changing my consumption habits and overall lifestyle and experiencing physical and mental relief on the scale I did. Although I think I loathe systems much more than I've ever loathed individuals.

I think I also finally realized the deepest loathing feelings ended up being for myself, and that's what I was projecting towards others, at least that's how it feels looking back.

I never really did feel like I "fit in" anywhere, at least not for long, and even less so now, nor do I really want to fit in any longer in many places that I used to frequent or enjoy, mainly for the health of it.

I've found what works best for me is to take the things I love the most out to as many places as comfortably possible and just share the love, wherever it's accepted. Some days that just means sharing a smile and a greeting, other days I may share vegan recipes, help someone in the grocery, give away some hula hoops and teach folks how to use them, etc., etc. It varies depending on the day and the mood.

The rest of the time I channel that love back towards myself so I'll have strength another day to face self and the masses once again.

It's yet another balancing act that ebbs and flows as I go and grow, and I've never been one to be very graceful.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rad maybe it isn’t about forgiveness or seeing the beauty in things. Maybe it’s learning about acceptance, that everyone is different and we all can’t fit into the mold you want us to fit into.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Perhaps some of you can relate. I wonder if there is a "solution" to this situation. Maybe I should view the world with more forgiveness, or see the beautiful things of the world instead of the ugly ones. But I don´t know how.

I used to be so much like that, and I too did not know how to do so many things, still am learning and will probably always be learning. I had so much anger and you did not say that you felt anger so I am going with you do not how to find a solution to your situation.

Be true to yourself always and foremost. Ask questions and wait for the answers to reveal themselves to you. Do what feels comfortable for you. Do not do anything that you simply cannot go along with and I think pretty soon an answer will come to you. There is nothing wrong with how you are viewing things.

One of the bad habits in my life that I want to get rid of is judging everything and I want to not take things personal and that is going to be my biggest challenge. I will let you know how my experiment is going once I get a handle on it. I wish you luck. You have to be changing so much because of the way you yourself are going through changes. So it stands to reason that your perspectives may be changing too. I sure hope something I said answers you and maybe helps you to feel better about yourself.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Thanks all for sharing your views :)

I almost never loathe people once I get to know them personally. I loathe "people" as a societal mass, and I find it impossible in my brain to see them all as unique individuals. Sometimes I feel like "they" are all superficial even though that´s probably not true. I dislike superficial people, and I dislike it in myself when I pretend to be superficial in order to appear "normal".

*This problem is mostly my own. I´m having a very hard time with my past, where I´ve always pretended to be very nice and very normal and what not, and I´m incredibly tired of it. I´m so afraid of judgment though that I don´t know how to change, and then in turn I judge others. I´ve always wanted to be invisible, to not be there. And now part of me wants to be there, and it scares me.

I think I also finally realized the deepest loathing feelings ended up being for myself, and that's what I was projecting towards others, at least that's how it feels looking back.

This is true, but I don´t know how it applies yet.

I had so much anger and you did not say that you felt anger so I am going with you do not how to find a solution to your situation.

I´m brimming with anger at pretty much everything. More than just anger it´s destructive frustration. I want to break out of some kind of pattern - but I have no idea what I want to break out of, or even how...

One of the bad habits in my life that I want to get rid of is judging everything and I want to not take things personal and that is going to be my biggest challenge

I have no idea how to not judge everything, everyone and myself constantly...

Perhaps this is some sort of conflict between my old (more passive) and new self (more active). In any case, it´s exhausting! :sleep:

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

I find your post very insightful and self-aware. I think it's okay to just be who you are. I went through most of my life so far in a fog. I was barely functioning and just surviving due to my PTSD. When I finally "woke up", I found myself feeling frustrated and irritated with those who hadn't "woken up". Why can't they just see what they are doing is not good!? It's like I had a huge epiphany while everyone else was still in their own fog. I felt lonely at times because of it. With time I've accepted that my point of view may be different than most people and that is okay. Sometimes I feel isolated too. I'm thankful that my BF feels the way I do and has the same perspective. I've accepted that people like us are far and few between and that's okay too. I'm not sure of any solution to your situation other than self analysis of why you feel the way you do. For me, I've learned to accept that I may no longer fit in with "normal" society and I'm now okay with that. What is "normal" anyway? Do I really want to fit in? Why does it matter to me? I go through a lot of philosophical questions from time to time now. lol

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I hear you I too went through a period like that or some days get caught in a funk where I'm just flat out pissed. It's natural to dislike certain things. What I've noticed is sometimes we each need little interactions where we learn from some one else. You can learn certain lessons from anybody. A struggling meth addict in prison might have some pearls of wisdom you catch in a prison documentary for instance. Not to turn this into a religious debate but I find the saying true, "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."

Sometimes all you gotta do is put out the energy that you want in return. You can experiment by going out and having a sour face and not smiling. Then try another day smiling and acknowledging people and most will reflect it back at you. Sure somethings in society I dislike and for the most part don't fit in or care for it. Celebrity worship etc. But if you dwell on it its just gunna piss you off man. Just feel fortunate that you aren't stuck in that mental trap. An if you just be yourself, some other people will learn through example. May raise a few eyebrows in the process but figure its just them internally processing something unique or different. Which isn't a bad thing.

It really is a balancing act. Catch yourself and redirect to how nice the weather is or being thankful/grateful for another day.
Maybe somebodies purpose is to show you what negative is in order to know what positive is. Don't try to label it just let it be.
There is a greater divine purpose behind all of it I believe.