I messed up my first therapy session

[Thumbelina]

It was just the intake session. She asked me why I was there, and I got so nervous that I turned of my computer(it was a teletherapy session). I don't know why I got so nervous. I feel bad for being so rude and want to apologize, but I also want to avoid her forever because I'm embarrassed of my actions.
Now, I'm starting to think I can't do thereapy.
What should I do next?

 

[Sues]

Hi Thumbelina, I can assure you that you didn't mess up. I know it's embarrassing, but your therapist will not only understand, they will honor your feelings and nervousness. They will understand that you need to go at your own pace, whatever speed that is.

Maybe consider messaging them or emailing them and simply saying that you were very nervous and overwhelmed. If they are a good therapist, they will suggest how to proceed slowly and in ways that you can try to tolerate. It's ok if you can only do a little bit. It's not a race and little bits are how we get better.

I have in person therapy and even after 3 years I am nervous every time I go. Often I can't speak and disassociate during my sessions and my therapist gives me the space and sits with me through it. He does not ask me to do more than I can do.

I know this is new and scary, but please don't give up.

 

[Sideways]

Totally agree with @Sues .

This very typical of PTSD. Massive hit of stress => get the hell outta dodge.

It’s also helpful information, because now you know this is something you do. A coping strategy that is currently a reflex.

That helps you plan ahead for therapy sessions in particular: when I’m about to reach for the Off switch, what can I have in place as an alternative? (get creative! A glass for of ice beside the computer and grabbing a cube to help you ground instantly…a hand signal that you can give to let T know where you’re at…the options are limited only by your imagination and testing out what works best for you).

But it will also help you recognise this when it crops up in other ways in your life. Every time you suddenly jump ship - what was the trigger for that, and how can I manage that moving forward?

 

[Roland]

First therapy appointment for two different therapists they asked me that and I cried both times. It's hard. But your therapist will most likely understand. Send them an email and try again.

 

[Friday]

LMFAO…Nah. That’s not messing up. That’s telling.

If you’re like me, where any kind of telling hits your exposed-exposed-exposed-RUNHIDEFIGHT, button? That’s also telling, and incredibly typical/normal for trauma patients. So if the new T knows trauma? They’re not sweating it. They’re simply concerned, in passing, about you. And would be thrilled if you reconnect, but EXPECT to never hear from you, again. If they don’t know trauma? You don’t want them.

So it’s one of those double edged swords… if they KNOW trauma? They’re not bothered. If you even open up a peephole? They’re thrilled. If they don’t know trauma? No matter how bad that would be for you, they will be torn up. So? Hope they know trauma. For your sake & theirs.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Promise that most of us have done something similar to this at some point in therapy, it's hard and overwhelming and sometimes that need to escape becomes all you can think about.

I can't walk so have crawled out of a therapists office before now mid appointment... (Wheelchair outside of door) I've hung up 5 times on one phone appointment and thrown my earphones across the room on a zoom session... I was mortified and adamant that I wasn't going back ever again. Spoiler, I went back, it was fine. If your new T is good with trauma she won't be phased at all. If she's not, then count it as a lucky escape! Send the email, deep breath and try again

 

[Movingforward10]

Exactly what everyone else said.
You communicated your overwhelm by leaving the session. Your T will know that communication now and understand that some more work on her part to help speak about the feelings of being in therapy might help, before going to the reasons why you are there.

I'm sure you aren't the first person to leave.
And actually, good on you for doing it as you did what you could tolerate and no more. That's perfectly ok.

Do you feel able to email her and explain and ask for your next session?