Some things that have been going on with me:
- Unexpected and costly repair came up recently.. I've mostly accepted it (it is what it is and it needs to be done), but it is causing a little financial stress.
- I have gotten more and more unhappy with the way I look and feel physically. I have been eating better and regularly exercising. But....the last few days my eating habits have tanked and I struggle to even make myself go into the gym, even after getting up and driving there, let alone have a productive work out. Then I feel guilty and bad about myself.
- I am watching a friend's kid for an hour before work and an hour after -- she drops him off. He's not a bad kid, but he has no boundaries, so he is constantly following me around (even in the bathroom). It's putting me a little on edge that he can't just chill for the hour and eat his breakfast or watch tv, which is pretty much what I expected. I don't really have much down time as it is (maybe an hour in the evenings where I'm not doing anything), so I think his presence may be too much on top of that.
- A friend asked me to check in on their elderly cat this weekend. She needs daily medicine. I said yes, even though I'm not sure how that's going to work with the kid and my work hours.
- I recently started doing some work at home on the side. It's not during my regular job's hours, but it's adding to my to do list, and making me feel guilty.
- I am unproductive at work. I am not exaggerating here, it is really this bad. I get maybe 1-3 hours of work done tops, during my 8 hour day. It's making me crazy. I get so worked up and guilty that I'm not being as productive as I should be, which leads to me just avoiding it and coming on here or on my phone all day.
- Nothing dramatic currently going on in my relationship, although we had a bad week last week. Maybe the only thing is that I'm internally freaking out and can't/don't want to really talk to him about it and either set him off, or not receive as much sympathy as I want and then get set off myself.
- My acne is flaring up and I can't stop touching it. It's making it look worse and subsequently making me feel down about myself.
- My T is on personal leave for the next 3 months. (I had only seen her maybe 4 times before anyway, so not sure if this is significant for me or not, but is probably relevant.)
- Have not been sleeping well for about 3 weeks now. Can't seem to get more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time and end up fully awake, not just tossing and turning. Have tried over the counter sleep aides and they haven't seemed to make a difference.
My fuse is near non existent at this point. I feel like I'm internally raging, but externally I'm not doing anything and that's really a big part of the problem. I literally panic in my head about all the things I need to do, and then don't do them because I feel so anxious and on edge, and then feel guilt and self-loathing for not getting shit done and just wasting my day away. It's like my brain is just constantly contradicting itself all day long and all I want to do is sit in the tub in silence. There's so many things to do that I can't bring myself to do any of them. I feel stuck and I don't know what to do or where to start. The frustration feels unbearable. Please help.
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Examples of my brain contradicting itself:
Take a sick day and stay home to recharge---> no, you can't take a sick day because you're so behind from so many unproductive days----> you just go to work and hardly get anything done anyway, so what's the point of going?
Sleep in to get yourself some much needed rest---> you need to keep going to the gym if you want to see a change and start feeling better and you're just going to end up waking up anyway since you can't stay asleep
Got a late start but still made it to the gym---> left after 15 minutes of nearly nothing so you just wasted a trip and could have been trying to sleep in
Get some comfort food to make yourself feel better since you've been worrying about stuff all day----> eat too much and now feel bad about myself for making a poor choice and didn't even do anything productive at the gym, so now it's even worse.
(I recognize that self-talk is important. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. But I need something to help me now because my skin is crawling and I'm going to cry if I don't get my work done again today. I don't want to be a piece of sh*t employee, especially because I know I'm better than this.)
- Unexpected and costly repair came up recently.. I've mostly accepted it (it is what it is and it needs to be done), but it is causing a little financial stress.
- I have gotten more and more unhappy with the way I look and feel physically. I have been eating better and regularly exercising. But....the last few days my eating habits have tanked and I struggle to even make myself go into the gym, even after getting up and driving there, let alone have a productive work out. Then I feel guilty and bad about myself.
- I am watching a friend's kid for an hour before work and an hour after -- she drops him off. He's not a bad kid, but he has no boundaries, so he is constantly following me around (even in the bathroom). It's putting me a little on edge that he can't just chill for the hour and eat his breakfast or watch tv, which is pretty much what I expected. I don't really have much down time as it is (maybe an hour in the evenings where I'm not doing anything), so I think his presence may be too much on top of that.
- A friend asked me to check in on their elderly cat this weekend. She needs daily medicine. I said yes, even though I'm not sure how that's going to work with the kid and my work hours.
- I recently started doing some work at home on the side. It's not during my regular job's hours, but it's adding to my to do list, and making me feel guilty.
- I am unproductive at work. I am not exaggerating here, it is really this bad. I get maybe 1-3 hours of work done tops, during my 8 hour day. It's making me crazy. I get so worked up and guilty that I'm not being as productive as I should be, which leads to me just avoiding it and coming on here or on my phone all day.
- Nothing dramatic currently going on in my relationship, although we had a bad week last week. Maybe the only thing is that I'm internally freaking out and can't/don't want to really talk to him about it and either set him off, or not receive as much sympathy as I want and then get set off myself.
- My acne is flaring up and I can't stop touching it. It's making it look worse and subsequently making me feel down about myself.
- My T is on personal leave for the next 3 months. (I had only seen her maybe 4 times before anyway, so not sure if this is significant for me or not, but is probably relevant.)
- Have not been sleeping well for about 3 weeks now. Can't seem to get more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time and end up fully awake, not just tossing and turning. Have tried over the counter sleep aides and they haven't seemed to make a difference.
My fuse is near non existent at this point. I feel like I'm internally raging, but externally I'm not doing anything and that's really a big part of the problem. I literally panic in my head about all the things I need to do, and then don't do them because I feel so anxious and on edge, and then feel guilt and self-loathing for not getting shit done and just wasting my day away. It's like my brain is just constantly contradicting itself all day long and all I want to do is sit in the tub in silence. There's so many things to do that I can't bring myself to do any of them. I feel stuck and I don't know what to do or where to start. The frustration feels unbearable. Please help.
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Examples of my brain contradicting itself:
Take a sick day and stay home to recharge---> no, you can't take a sick day because you're so behind from so many unproductive days----> you just go to work and hardly get anything done anyway, so what's the point of going?
Sleep in to get yourself some much needed rest---> you need to keep going to the gym if you want to see a change and start feeling better and you're just going to end up waking up anyway since you can't stay asleep
Got a late start but still made it to the gym---> left after 15 minutes of nearly nothing so you just wasted a trip and could have been trying to sleep in
Get some comfort food to make yourself feel better since you've been worrying about stuff all day----> eat too much and now feel bad about myself for making a poor choice and didn't even do anything productive at the gym, so now it's even worse.
(I recognize that self-talk is important. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. But I need something to help me now because my skin is crawling and I'm going to cry if I don't get my work done again today. I don't want to be a piece of sh*t employee, especially because I know I'm better than this.)
