I Need To Go To The Doctors But Keep Trying To Avoid

[Jane.l]

Not sure if I have put this in the correct place ?
I know I have what is very likely a major gynaelogical problem and I know I should get it sorted ASAP but firstly my default setting is avoidence and secondly I am really scared.

But I know it's not responsible or sensible to behave this way this is really serious and I have children . I just can't cope with having health problems 'there' at the moment - slightly freaking out feels almost like a punishment - this is just not something I can cope with at the moment - please someone talk some sense into me !

 

[Mystery]

Oh Jane, I so empathize with exactly what you are saying. I too have the very same problem. I didn't have a pap smear for 20 years, say no more.

It took me a long time and like you, a major concern to have to face up to the reality. What I did was, make a booking at a specialist Women's Health Clinic. They are all staffed by women doctors, who really understand the types of issues we both have. The clinic where I go, is only for female gynae stuff and they are the place where women get rape kits done after assault and all sorts of difficult problems that multicultural women face when having to get pelvic exams.

The first time I went there, I explained in tears to the Dr what my issues were. She was so empathetic and calm and patient. I told her I would probably react when she put the speculum in and asked her if she would let me pace what was going on. She was so gentle and caring and when I started shaking and crying during the procedure she was comforting and encouraging me, like a friend would.
She explained step by step, each thing she was doing like 'I'm just going to do this now' and 'Ok, I'm going to do this now'.

I had Major anxiety for days leading up to that first appointment and on the day, just before, I was a mess. For about four days after I was in a numbing foetal thing on and off. It really triggered me but I also felt proud of myself for facing it and was so relieved to have found the right place I could go back to if necessary. I've been there at least half a dozen times since.

It was the best decision I ever made to go there. I go to my GP for anything else but when I have any issue in my pelvis, that's where I go. I can't believe that I waited so long to make that appointment. I'm sure that somewhere near you, there will be a clinic like that, I hope so. Women's Health Services or Rape crisis lines should be able to refer you to the right kind of one. Best wishes.

 

[littlelostchild]

@Jane.l can you break this down into steps you can manage, for example 1) get the number of a Women's Health Centre, 2) call the centre for info, 3) call to book the appointment, etc? Is there someone you trust who can be a support person as you take each step? Reward yourself for success after each step you complete.

You owe it to yourself and your family to look after your health - you also want to set a good example for your children about staying healthy and looking after yourself.

Be gentle with yourself, but follow up.

 

[mrsps]

I too can feel your pain. My smear test is well overdue (I keep getting letters in the mail) but I just cant make myself ring and make an appointment. Its just too scary :nailbiting:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had severe problems in this area. I went for a year going back and forth to the doctor for help and I finally got a hysterectomy, a full and total one so I do not have to go for pelvic exams anymore.

I avoided a blood fasting lab for a long time because the last lab said I was borderline diabetes and I am afraid this one will say I have it because I have gained so much weight.

I understand the fear but you have to take care of the problem or it will get worse and worse. You need treatment. I had women doctors and that helped me so much.

I agree with taking a friend and going to women doctors. I hope you gather your courage and make an appointment and go to the doctor. Hugs.

 

[Jane.l]

Thank you so much for your replies - I really appreciate it,

I don't think I have any of my 'history ' on my med notes - I have dealt with all my ptsd issues privately and if you change doctors in the uk your notes don't go with you - so I have pretty much a clean slate - I don't think we have the resources here that maybe are in other countries - I think it's pretty much doctors or nothing . I have had 3 babies and been able to cope with smear tests - just- this is slightly different - sorry don't want to be too graphic here and there is less side stepping that's it's bad - it's the surgical intervention that I can't do - it's the irony of anywhere in my body but there . I wouldn't share this with my friends I am better on my own but I have emailed my T and asked him to help me get to the doctors if I have still done nothing next week .

 

[Mystery]

Good luck Jane.I, you can also ask your Dr for a prescription for the actual procedure like valium. I did that once for a dentist visit, it definitely helped.

 

[littlelostchild]

I am so glad you have a plan.

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks - not sure it's the best plan but hopefully will get me to do something !

 

[Chava]

Depending on what the procedure is I'd agree with asking for a painkiller or relaxant if it will be really painful or retraumatizing. Good work trying to line something up...probably you would keep worrying if you didn't, and having problems. I had to have a biopsy done in there last year. It was horrible but short and I was able to squeeze a nurse's hand...and see my therapist the next day. I hate the regular checkups but this was a little over the top for me. It was like a little trauma in itself, but I was having lots of hell anyway...and nice to find out I didn't have cancer (still trying to manage the medicine options since they haven't worked well for me...laparoscopy is an option but I'm trying to try everything else first because my pain tolerance and it's just not good right now...my stuff isn't life threatening though, so I have the choice of holding off). You'll feel good about having done it and taking care of yourself...and if it rattles you a bit in the process, keep in touch with your support people and do lots of soothing and comforting things for yourself. Good luck!!

 

[KwanYingirl]

I worked in medicine for many years. I am speaking for the vocation in saying that we really do appreciate being told you're feeling anxious. Then we can put extra support in action. The benefit of getting a diagnosis outweighs the risk of not getting tests done. Even though I helped many women over the years, I am as avoidant as get all. It's true that healthcare workers are the worst patients.
Just take one step at a time and ask for help or information as needed.good luck those kiddos need a healthy mom.

 

[Justmehere]

You are strong and brave and it's ok to be scared. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.


I faced gyn surgery, these things helped:

Knowing that the sooner I acted, the less they would have to do in the long run.

Most gyn doctors have seen traumatized patients. I had a counselor talk to mine. Little was said, but it was just enough that the doctor was extra understanding about it all. He wasn't weird, just did small things that helped.

A friend came with me, waited in the waiting room, for the pre-surgery appointment. Somehow, this helped me remember that while this is super hard, I already survived the trauma of the past. She also came with me to the surgery and distracted me with small talk while I got ready. She knew nothing of the trauma, just that I was scared and needed a friend.

I told myself things I would tell a teenager who was scared about a medical matter. Somehow, that helped too.

It's excellent that you have a plan and that you have your T for support. We are here for you too. :hug: