I Need You To Tone Down Your Anxiety...

[Miss_Guided]

"...to relax"
"...to calm down"
"...to let go of the anxiety"

All of these are variations of what has been said to me by my direct superior. I think I even have a "she needs to relax" comment on a performance review from a couple years ago.

My company was notified of my disability under the voluntary ADA submission 18 months ago. I've been on intermittent FMLA for roughly a year and the people who I thought needed to know the reason (PTSD/anxiety/depression), I explained just a bit to - including to this direct superior.

We've had a natural disaster occur recently which makes it the second in my lifetime directly affecting my life/home to deal with. (In addition to previous mental health problems)

My diagnosis is now Schitzoaffective Disorder and PTSD.

Sometimes I don't even realize my anxiety is showing, but the more it's said to me, the worse I get. Most of the time, the anxiety has nothing to do with work, but It's starting to make me angry and it is creating more anxiety towards work when I have to talk to this person.

I could make this a really long post because there's so much more, but I won't.

Am I wrong in thinking this person should not be telling me to "calm down," "lower my anxiety," etc? Especially when they have been informed of the FMLA reasons (and possibly told about the disability when I reported it to corporate)? I feel like I don't know what rights I do or don't have and I'm scared I'm going to lose my job -- even though I'm working at my best ability with the lack of help (or backup for when I'm out) that I have.

Searching for another job isn't a good idea until I get my natural disaster issues squared away. I'd also lose the FMLA protection that I really need right now with all of this happening.

 

[loui50]

Do you have an HR dept? I would talk to someone there. That shouldn't be happening. BTW, was the disaster Matthew? I just went through that.

 

[Miss_Guided]

Do you have an HR dept? I would talk to someone there. That shouldn't be happening. BTW, was the disa...

We do have an HR dept, but I previously went to them for a request on what employee should be backing me up when I'm out or assisting when I'm overloaded, it circled right back to my immediate superior (This was about a year ago). I figured it would because of how high his position has been in the company since before I started here. So I'm basically scared to death and trust no one when it comes to trying to address these things. (Usually I can't figure out if it's my mind over reacting or if I really should feel this way about these people)

And not Matthew...however I dealt with Katrina. Moved from that area about 5 years after. Now, Recently flooded in a home that wasn't supposed to flood. Sorry to hear you dealing with Matthew -- I did see some things online ab it, but had to stop myself bc I will caught up in looking at everything in regards to storms and floods.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Am I wrong in thinking this person should not be telling me to "calm down," "lower my anxiety," etc? Especially when they have been informed of the FMLA reasons (and possibly told about the disability when I reported it to corporate)? I feel like I don't know what rights I do or don't have and I'm scared I'm going to lose my job -- even though I'm working at my best ability with the lack of help (or backup for when I'm out) that I have.

ADA states "as long as you can preform all job fuctions". My job functions is to take calls from screaming, cursing, irate and ridiclous customers and keep my cool, be calm, and solve the issue and a very efficient, fast, but fix all issues.

So by being frustrated, short, and anything but a "smile" tone of voice is not doing my job functions and regardless of ADA and my intermittent FMLA, I can be fired for that conduct issue, and almost was.

I have an anxiety app on my phone called What's Up that helps. I take medication. I use breathing technoques and DBT self soothing techniques, basically anything i can to always keep my cool with customers and keep my brain (as anxiety effects my abilty to think) so i can do my job.

 

[Friday]

If it's something that's affecting your work performance, it's something your boss needs to be able to mention after some kind of fashion. Especially, if as you say, your often not aware your anxiety is showing, so aren't already taking steps on your own. The same way an employee with anger issues leaking out on other staff or clientele needs to not take their anger out on others, and the supervisor is ultimately responsible for that, same for anxiety leaking out on other staff and clientele. PTSD isn't a license to treat others badly.

The ADA may prevent being fired for situations out of our control, but it's not free reign for symptomatic behaviors hurting others, or our employers. And, yep, out of control anxiety in one employee can very directly hurt others around us At which point it becomes a conduct issue not covered by the ADA. The wiggle room in this situation is finding somewhere to go (different area of responsibility) where being symptomatic isn't affecting others, or going home until symptoms are under control, again (with job protected by law).

 

[Justmehere]

Try googling for the "ADA technical assistance center" in your area and they could help with input on this difficult situation. FMLA act requests won't matter for your situation. Instead focus on the ADA and what will help you to manage the anxiety. It seems like your accommodation requests are not being supported and anxiety is spilling over and your boss is probably feeling tense about you being anxious and then you get more anxious and around and around the circle goes...

I'd look at this as more of a matter of needing to get the ADA accommodations working better for your anxiety, rather than trying to get an already less than helpful supervisor to change their feedback.

 

[joeylittle]

Searching for another job isn't a good idea until I get my natural disaster issues squared away. I'd also lose the FMLA protection that I really need right now with all of this happening.

I think you are confusing your ADA with FMLA.

If you need to take leave, because you feel that you are unable to fulfill your work obligations at this time, then you should take time off, in accordance with your FMLA arrangement.

If you think that your accommodations through ADA are not being sufficiently recognized, that's different. I think the question is - how can you work with your supervisor to get better info from them about when your anxiety is interfering with your performance (since you are sometimes unaware of it) - and, do you right now need to take an approved leave because you are too stressed to work, as per your medical condition.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You can take FMLA for a long time frame, like a week or two...or more. You get 480 hrs a year i believe. Equals exactly 12 weeks. And i think thats federal as its been that much in several jobs.

Most jobs its not paid automatically, its paid under the company's short term disabilty. I took it at another job in Kansas due to my accident and back surgeries.

But this sounds like my anxiety. Sneaks up on me. I have intermittent FMLA for 2 extra breaks a day if i need it. So i can step away, allow med to work or just calm myself down.

Your sup is only doing their job, managing you. They have a sup they report to and so on.

 

[Miss_Guided]

ADA states "as long as you can preform all job fuctions". My job functions is to take calls...

I am on meds and I can perform job functions. I am not actually showing my anger. Anxiety was always something that I remained functional while having - partly because it was a perfectionism issue causing a lot of my panic attacks. I was also a functional depressive.

These comments are made to me if he calls me in to tell/give something to me and they are made before he even says anything else. Apparently either I'm shaking or the expression on my face shows anxiety. Neither one of these affect what I do since most of my client communication is done via computer and I can manage to pull off a fake happy telephone voice if need be.

In the most recent meeting where I asked for help from being out from the disaster, he told me he would take my requests into consideration but needed me to tone down the anxiety. The fact that I need additional help or at very least someone who can do my job when I'm not there in an event like the disaster was the reason the work was behind -- not my anxiety.

 

[Miss_Guided]

It seems like your accommodation requests are not being supported and anxiety is spilling over and your boss is probably feeling tense about you being anxious and then you get more anxious and around and around the circle goes...

The above is what I was trying to say but couldn't word it right. My T helped me compose what to say when I spoke to him after the disaster about needing help (I was able to explain the entire ordeal to her). Including that conversation, I've gotten the "anxiety" comments at least once a week maybe more, sometimes before a word ever comes out of my mouth.

I brought up FMLA and ADA in my OP because it's not like he is in the dark about what I currently have FMLA approved for, and the ADA form stated that supervisors would have access to the information for work duties/accomodations. So it comes as a shock to me that someone would keep saying that particular thing when anxiety is the main thing she has listed on the paperwork.

To clarify - I am on intermittent FMLA leave for my appointments with my T (or appts with the doc that writes my rx). Her office hours do not extend past normal office hours and I'm doing EMDR. That is why I said I need my FMLA protection still available if I leave...

FMLA does not automatically begin when you start a job - you have to be there 12 months and it protects when the business has 50+ employees. So if I leave here, even with a business that has the employee requirement, it's 12 months before my job will be protected by FMLA for my once a week for treatments. I'm pretty sure my treatments can't be put on hold for 12 months either.

I know that if I'm not up to par with my job, they can fire me -that's not what I'm questioning. My paranoia about being fired stems from the manner and timing of the anxiety statements, but he never says anything other than that and continues to tell me what tasks need to be done. My last performance review was a 4 out of 5. If there's a problem with my actual work or treatment of co-workers, that hasn't been brought up at all. So I guess I'm trying to figure out if I am REALLY losing my mind and it's all in my head, or if he's making statements that a manager/supervisor shouldn't be saying which would make me feel more comfortable finding a higher up to talk to (which is still hard to find with the position he holds) :-\

 

[Sideways]

This may sound like a horrible thing to say, but if your anxiety is at the level where you're physically shaking, then is it possible that you're not quite as in touch with your anxiety levels as you might need to be?

It is one thing to accommodate someone with a disability (I had a boss that accommodated my Depression for a few years). But there's multiple ways that mental illness of these kinds start interfering with our ability to perform at the level we're required to. And if you're so anxious that you're physically shaking, maybe it's not a bad thing that your employer says to you, "Hey, I know you have an anxiety thing going on, and it looks like it may be time for you to take 5 and bring the level down".

If it is the case that physically shaking is something you do even when your anxiety is really low, you cod always share with your boss, "I know I look stressed, but I shake like this all the time, and actually I'm okay."

 

[joeylittle]

These comments are made to me if he calls me in to tell/give something to me and they are made before he even says anything else. Apparently either I'm shaking or the expression on my face shows anxiety. Neither one of these affect what I do since most of my client communication is done via computer and I can manage to pull off a fake happy telephone voice if need be.

Receiving instructions from your direct supervisor is also part of your job. So, if it's actually there (as opposed to him anticipating it, which could be a separate issue), then the anxiety or shaking is affecting your job. It's not the part that interacts with the public, but it's still there.

@Ragdoll Circus's suggestion of talking with the supervisor about what he might be seeing, and making sure he understands that it's not your condition, it's just you - or, that it's a byproduct of your condition but something that you are hoping to have better understanding from him on - that seems like the conversation. It's the sort of thing that would ideally be mediated by the disability steward in HR, if there is one. Or, it would be good to take it up the chain, so it can get resolved in a transparent way.

My instinct is that it's a little bit of both - you may be carrying a bit of anxiety into the office that you are unaware of, but could easily address, and he may be anticipating that you are going to crumble and not be sure of how to read you or how to relate to your accommodation.