I Need You To Tone Down Your Anxiety...

[Freedomfighter]

"...to relax"
"...to calm down"
"...to let go of the anxiety"

All of these are variations of what...

Well, there is one thing your post proves: people in general ( like at your work place ) simply do not care.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't think that's fair, it's her supervisors job to manage her in the workplace and part of that is addressing issues that impact at work. If he doesn't, he isn't doing his job. There may be gentler ways to say "your anxiety is causing issues" but not dealing with it isn't ok.

If you're physically looking anxious and shaking while at work, I'd consider that your anxiety is impacting your work performance. Keeping good, professional relationships with co-workers and supervisors is an important part of being at work. I can imagine if you were visibly anxious your collleagues may worry about you, not want to ask you for help, offer you feedback or disagree out of concern for making things worse for you.

Are there things you do through the day to manage your anxiety - when I was really bad at work I would arrange shorter days, make sure I went outside at break times, do breathing exercises, use grounding techniques etc because I knew if I didn't get a baseline of "ok", it would seep out without me really being aware.

It's horrible to deal with but at work you need to find a way to keep on top of it as much as possible so that when you really really can't, your manager can support you because he knows there must be something overwhelming because you usually cope.

 

[OrganicRobot]

My supervisor told me to schedule some breaks into a training plan I had for myself, because I'm prone to overloading myself and running on burnout. I don't know your exact situation, or if the tone is condescending towards you. But in all actuality your supervisor may be simply concerned and hasn't formulated more tactful, understanding responses.

I had prior feedback over the years too. Like on my first job I ever had I didn't get the full pay raise because I wasn't social enough. And at my prior job to the one I currently have, they wanted me to move up because of my hard work, but were trying to make me have 'better judgement calls'. e.g. Interact with customers more than focusing on tasks that deal with inanimate objects.

I hope my personal examples may be of some help. It can be a fine line to navigate and balance, the line between disability accommodations and work performance. I'd keep on reaching out to your therapist and and utilizing sites like JAN - Job Accommodation Network for finding ways to sort through this situation. Best of luck.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

if the tone is condescending

I work in a call center. It doesn't matter much of what I do as talking to customers on the phone is most of my job. Fixing the internet and/or PC is secondary to that.

My tone of voice matters, a lot. And it is why I was almost written up on a conduct issue.

I have FMLA for anxiety. Have 2 extra breaks a day if needed. The company knows about the anxiety and anxiety is most of the reason for a bad tone. But still expected to have a good tone of voice 100% of the time because that is my job. A job function that I am responsible for. Fruatrated or not, I need to keep my tone well.

And if I start to slip, its my supervisor's job to tell me I've slipped, in any way she sees fit. She also has a supervisor she reports this to. If she doesn't address it, she gets in trouble by her supervisor. Everyone has a boss unless you are the boss. All report up.

people in general ( like at your work place ) simply do not care.

People at your work place can care deeply but that doesn't change that its your workplace and anxiety that interfers with job function needs to be addressed.

 

[Miss_Guided]

Thanks everyone for replies and suggestions that I may use if I feel the need.

Somehow this thread turned into my work slipping and that is NOT what this is about. These statements were made more frequently after asking for help following a disaster. The first statement 4 years ago on performance review - I don't deny I was nervous. I was working with clientele I had never experienced before but learned and "relaxed".

Approx 20 other people in my office were flooded and lost homes and belongings. I do not think any of them were told to tone down or fix their state of mind within 2 weeks of losing everything. In fact, one told me yesterday that her mind is still not fully at work, how she messed up something major, but the person she works directly with was understanding - almost 3 months following disaster.

I don't walk around constantly shaking, but when I had no house and the hotel says they can't extend the stay, I think there's no amount of anything that will calm me down in that moment thinking I will be on the street.

The reason I brought up FMLA and ADA is because my condition was known to him by the paperwork prior to the flooding. I asked for accommodations after the flooding, wasn't given it, and at the same time asked to tone down the anxiety while he thinks on the accommodation. When it was obvious the accommodation wouldn't be met, I attempted to create an ongoing "to do" list so he could let me know what needed priority attention. The vibe I was receiving was that he didn't know how much was really on my workload plate & he kept adding to it before and after my request. That list was handed back to me with an "I don't care what you do first" remark. (And no, I didn't have an attitude when I gave it to him - I honestly wanted direction from him at that point)

I had anxiety issues prior to the event which were exasperated by the event and I asked for accommodations to help relieve stress and tension we were BOTH having. Then after that a few more instances of anxiety comments surfaced when either I wasn't anxious or I had to tell him I just got off the phone with "X" fighting something for the flood. So maybe he just learned that word with my FMLA paperwork & decided to use it a bunch of times bc there was nothing else to come up with. Maybe he was in a bad mood because he is sometimes apologetic afterwards, but that doesn't make it ok to do.

In reality, I believe the anxiety statements are out of line -- especially with the current circumstances. (T also agreed on more than one occasion). Does the fact that I'm on FMLA & ADA notice to them make it worse or better? I don't know. What can I do about it? Nothing at the moment since my choices aren't optimal with my current situation outside of the mental health issues.

I wanted to clarify some of that since I wasn't initially able to respond to people that replied and there's a lot of missing pieces from my original post.

While I knew no one could really tell me legalities of the statements made, I think my OP was more along the lines of me trying to figure out if I was thinking logically and rationally.

Recently, I very quickly learned that it is very hard/nearly impossible for anyone to put themselves in "your" shoes unless they've been through the same or similar traumatic event. Even then, there are still differences, and yes, there are also people that simply don't care.

If you made it to the end of my novel, I would give you a cupcake if I could!

 

[CADY]

We do have an HR dept, but I previously went to them for a request on what employee should be backi...

Human Resources is there to protect the company, not you! They are supposed to follow federal guidelines and employment law but many times do the absolute minimum for the employee. If you have followed the appropriate protocol to give HR a chance to make it right and things have not improved, then you should take all documentation to the EEOC and/or the ADA.

 

[420kitty]

I was told this at my job as well. After I informed the owner that I have PTSD. He is very understanding and I am so grateful. One of the reasons I stay. For me, it was a wake-up call. I was told to: calm down, not be so high strung, stop arguing with the other employee, not to be on defense mode all the time, and more. At first I thought, fk him. He has no clue what I am struggling with on a daily basis. So, I went on about my actions. Then he had to really talk with me. I felt as if my job was in jeopardy. So, I thought about my actions and how it was effecting the business. How my feelings were effecting me. I came to the conclusion that he was right because I was feeling on edge and very anxious. I felt as if I had to fight for my spot at work. I guess I was like a dog with a bone trying to defend it.

I looked up techniques to help with it and things have calmed down. When I need to, I am allowed to go smoke or step outside to breathe. Then again, I don't have a government job nor a HR department to help. I suppose think about what has been happening lately from someone else's point of view. If you feel this person is justified in saying these things then maybe learn new coping mechanisms. If not, then file a claim (if you can). Best of luck.