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Sexual Assault I Outed My Rapist To His Parents

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I don't understand. The detective told you he was the rapist - so they must have concrete proof. Yet he has not been prosecuted?

I just hope you have not put yourself at further risk by confronting him. Take care.
 
I just want to say that what you did was very brave, especially when you found the kindness and strength in your heart to write his parents this letter.

Personally, I think you have done all that you could do in order to protect future victims and to seek justice. He deserves to be locked up for life if you ask me, but I would recommend you to steer clear of him and anyone associated with him from now on. A person who purposely rapes someone is not a sane or reasonable person, so please be careful. Don't give him the sick pleasure of an opportunity to hurt you again.

Do you like hugs? Cause then here's a big one for you :hug:
 
I guess I'm seeing this differently.

got a snapchat

I don't know what this (what is snapchat?) is but I'm assuming since you were at the gym he as your cell number. How does he have it?

he was suspect in a few other rape cases

His parents might already know. If he is a suspect in other cases I would think it would be hard to hide all the police and possibly court time from his parents if he lives with them...it's a possibly his parents already know that he is a suspect in rape cases.

I agree with @Justmehere Don't do this again. Tell the police he contacted you, send this to the police.
 
@Ayesha My understanding is that snapchat is a bit like visual twitter. You can send friends pictures (and videos?), but the media is only viewable for something like a default of ten seconds. Then it disappears.

A lot of my friends use it to send pictures that might otherwise be incriminating, such as pictures of smoking pot.
 
Like @Simply Simon said, they are deleted after 10 seconds, but the police can trace and recover them even after deletion. Depending on what this perp sent, maybe it would help the police - especially if it was anything explicit or private. He likely doesn't know that snapchat photos can be traced and recovered by police.

@luckbealady - how are you doing with this all? I hope the detective called you back. If they were a jerk to you, please don't give up and call the victim advocates about what happened. You deserve support through this. :hug:
 
@Lucycat There is no concrete proof because the hospital f*cked up my rape kit. He and his friends were suspects in a number of other rapes (didn't get caught for any of those either, our police dept is shit), sells the drug that he raped me with (research chemical, doesn't show on a drug test). I dated him briefly before all of this happened and he always pushed that drug really really hard on me but wouldn't tell me what it was (red flag, this is why I stopped seeing him). One of my friends went to a party at his house, was drugged and had a seizure (but wasn't raped because luckily her brother was there). He and his friends all told me different stories. The detective and I connected the dots, but all of the evidence was circumstantial, not physical. Our police dept refuses to even bring a rape case to trial unless they know they're going to win (this is why none of the other rape cases were closed either).

@Ayesha I had him added from a long time ago (before he raped me) and A.) I don't know how to delete people on Snapchat, B.) it's public, you can recieve snaps from anyone if they know your username/have you added. I think he still has my phone number too, but he hasn't tried to contact me by phone yet. I did tell the detective, she's aware.

@Justmehere She did call me back and leave a voicemail saying it wasn't a bother and that she supports me. She didn't seem concerned about the cases being screwed because of it (although she did say that she hadn't seen or heard anything about him since May. Which is f*cked up because he was in jail all summer for selling alcohol to a minor and she should probably had known that . . . I don't think there are any cases against him that are being investigated right now.

Update: On Monday (when all of this happened) I had talked to my mom on the phone and told her that Bryan had tried to contact me (this was before I went to his house). She was really worried considering that he hasn't contacted me for a long time and thought it might mean something. So she e-mailed the detective Tuesday morning to let her know that Bryan tried to contact me. The detective told her that I had already let her know and told her that I had gone over there and confronted his parents. So now my parents know I did this, Dad's out of town and they're both really concerned for my safety. I'm not very worried about him retaliating. It has crossed my mind, but I don't think he would do anything that he would risk getting caught doing (drugging and raping girls clearly isn't that 'risky.' No one ever gets f*cking prosecuted for it). My mom is making me stay in a hotel with her because she doesn't think I'm safe at home alone. I'm just so f*cking sick of running. I'm an adult, I need to take care of myself. I'm sick of hiding and running from this, and I'm not afraid of him. All of this is even more stressful because my mom and I haven't been getting along very well lately.

I mean, I understand why they're worried and feel the need to keep me away from home for a while, but I think they're wrong. It just feels very awful and triggery to be told that I SHOULD feel afraid, I SHOULD feel bad about doing something, I SHOULD go into hiding . . . when it's taken me so long to undo those feelings. I don't know. This is going to be a really difficult week.

On top of all of this that happened within the last few days, I'm trying to find a new job. My current employer is a cocaine addict and lashes out at me when she's tweaked out. I've been trying to stick it out until I can find a new job but honestly I am just really not up for work tomorrow and might call in and quit in the morning. The only person in an administrative position who I felt comfortable with quit on Monday so now if I quit it means I have to talk to my cokehead boss directly, and I'm really not up for that either. I just don't know what to do, I feel really stuck and anxious.
 
And it's f*cking shitty because I felt a lot better about actually (sort of) confronting him, feeling like I finally did something about it, feeling like maybe it could end up okay, and feeling like I finally got some closure but now with the way my parents are acting (they're both actually really angry with me for outing him) AND having to deal with my stressful job just really put a f*cking hole in my parachute.
 
It'll be okay though . . . Just one foot in front of the f*cking other one. Hopefully making a decision about work will help me (either quitting or going in tomorrow and then not having to work again until next week)
 
These sort of actions can be so healing and bring some closure, if you can find that sort of strength. Congratulations. This thread is from November 20th last posting...has there been any progressions or anything else happen as a result of you confronting him and his parents?

I also managed to confront the person who raped me, and I no longer felt unsafe in my own town. He, on the other hand, cowered whenever I saw him...which was fairly regularly, as it was a relatively small town. It's a good feeling to be able to get that closure and to transfer the fear back where it belongs. Rapists are cowards after all.
 
This was a very dangerous thing to do, he could have answered the door and pulled you in. I would really urge you or anyone else to NEVER do this type of thing again.
 
A phone call might have been safer in retrospect.

Your scenario didn't pan out though ms spock, thankfully, so that is something to be happy about and grateful for. We do take silly risks when in a dissociative headspace, so that is something to watch out for and try and stop from happening, if possible. Lord knows I have made some very silly mistakes when dissociated and having friends there to keep the power in numbers would have been a plus!
 
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